


The Tight Rope Walker

by YayaPear



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AruAni, Dragons, Drinking, Elves, Fantasy, Fantasy AU, Fights, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, Quest, jeanmarco, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-02-17 08:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 72,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2303840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YayaPear/pseuds/YayaPear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young elf called Marco has to leave Jinae, the capital of the elf nation and goes for a long journey, accompanied by four humans. They learn how to stick together, how to save each other's lives and try their best to find the Smoke Mountain, in which the Fire Dragon lives. Strangely, Marco never volunteered to go for an adventure. But maybe one particular human will make it more bearable for him<br/>A fantasy AU with elves, humans, mythical creatures, Titans, angst, sadness, cuddles and love. A story about Marco learning how to be human before he forgets how to be an elf.</p><p>"It's nice tho..." - my mom</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not An Ordinary Elf

**Author's Note:**

> FYI, I have a [ tumblr ](http://www.yayapear.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And I made a [ map ](http://yayapear.tumblr.com/post/96868629011/i-spent-an-entire-day-on-doing-this-map-to-my) of the kingdom for better orientation:
> 
> I wish you nice reading :3
> 
> Marco's POV

The first thing that got into my mind that morning was how the air smelled nicely of trees. It was fresh, cool and humid and helped me to wake me up alongside with sunlight poking through the green leaves. I traced the familiar ornaments on the ceiling with my gaze. I’ve been looking at them from the very beginning of my life and now I could paint them from my memory if I wanted to. Not that I could draw. I rubbed my face with my hands, fingers still stiff from the sleep. I sat up on my bed and let my feet touch the stone floor. My fingers curled against the cold surface and I gasped lightly in surprise. The sunlight made the room look warm enough, but it was just an illusion. Finally, I gave in to the coldness, got up from the bed swiftly and stretched my back. My mind was waking up from the drowsiness rather quickly, maybe too quick if I considered what day it is today. Today, I just wanted not to feel at all. I would much rather choose a state of complete numbness, than the emptiness and fear that has been building up for the past…nineteen years? But I only got to know this feeling a month ago. Until then, it always seemed like a distant future to me. Until then, it seemed like I could cope with it. But not now. Now I feel like complete opposite of coping with the thing. I glance at the tall mirror in the corner of my room.

Today is the Day.

Today is the day when my death begins.

I can see my reflection in the mirror. The long nightshirt is hanging loosely on my right shoulder, exposing the left one to the brisk air. I come closer and examine myself more carefully as if I hoped that something changed during the night. But I still look the same. The same young elf that is oddly different from the others. No one really told me face to face that I’m different, but I can read between lines, you know. I can see the looks the other elves give me for my darker skin and black hair. And my far too long ears. And my dark eyes. And those strange dark spots on my face that Hanji swears are called freckles. The good thing is that they don’t judge me, nor they are disgusted. But they always stare, like they haven’t seen anyone like me before. Well, sure they haven’t, I’m one of a kind, Hanji says. It’s true, though. The significant feature of the noble elvish race is pallidity. Light hair, like white or blond, even red. Soft eyes of bright colours. Creamy skin. It always makes my teeth clench when I think of the differences between me and others. I have, like, none of those things. But I shouldn’t be so bound to the appearance. We had countless discussions about this, Hanji and I, you know. She made me feel better about myself. Not entirely great, but better. I run my index finger along the trail of “freckles” which Hanji likes so much. I start at the left cheek, continue through my nose and stop under my right eye at The Mark.

Oh yes. The Mark.

 My fingers rub higher and feel the soft skin around my right eye, where it lays. I carefully rub my fingertips along the thin ornaments. In fact, the right eye looks like someone took a thin brush and painted random black curvy lines all around it while I was asleep. They fade at my cheekbones and a little above my eyebrow. Actually, when I think about it, mostly the Mark makes me stand out. It tells everyone that I am special, it tells everyone who I am. I can’t hide from them. Their curious eyes examine my face until it clicks inside their heads, they recognize me and surely will tell the others that they have seen the Dragonblessed that day. It used to set me off, but now I understand that they will always do it and I have no power over it. I pull my hand away from my eye and decide to get dressed. Most of my things are already packed and my room feels oddly empty. Two big handbags full of clothes and books were carried out of my room yesterday and the rest was thrown out or handed to other people. Why?

Because I won’t need those when I come back.

Funny thing is that I’m never actually coming back.

I’m so deep in thoughts that I don’t pay attention and trip over my own leg while trying to put my sock on. And suddenly, I’m on the floor. Wow, Marco, so majestic. Really, the salvage of the ancient elvish nation trips over his own foot. I groan, sit up and finally put the damn sock where it belongs. Then I put my boots on and check myself out in the mirror for the last time. Erwin said that the black-red combination suits me most and that it would me more than appropriate for today. I can only agree with him. My tunic and leggings are coal-black and are accompanied with a red skirt that covers just my right hip and starts from under my navel. Also the buckles on my belt and boots are red. Hanji says that I look like a blaze with the red accessories. It draws out a faint smile on my face. I turn away from the mirror and spare a glance at my room again. Still so empty. I wonder what I should do today. All my lessons are already over. None of my belongings is within the reach. I have no one to talk to, all my friends are busy with preparations for the Day. Well, the term “friend” has a completely different meaning for me than for the others. For me, friend is someone who lives in the palace or visits it often, watched me grow up and we talk from time to time. My friends are hundreds of years old, while I’m only nineteen. It happens quite often that I can’t catch up to their thinking and don’t understand them. Of course, they have a two hundred year lead, in average. Most of them find me simple, but lovable, they tell me that a lot. They also tell me that it would eventually get better when I come back. That I would be able to talk with them for hours and not get lost in their thoughts. I never know how to react when they tell me that, so I always laugh and thank them for their attention and leave. I don’t want them to like me better when I come back, because it’s not going to be me. I consider Hanji, Erwin and Moblit my best friends. They don’t find me shallow or boring or simple. I think they understand me, even though they are very old.

 Moblit is a healer in east Jinae and I visit his cottage a lot. It smells with all kinds of herbs that Moblit collected on his journeys and uses them to make curative decoctions. The dried herbs hang from the ceiling and the fresh ones are planted in his garden. When I’m at the visit I always help him with taking care of them. I have learned all their names and uses throughout the years and it wasn’t so easy, just so you know. He also has lots of books about healing in many strange languages. I read from the ones I can understand and try to remember as much as possible. I always have many questions and we discuss healing for hours, both with the same enthusiasm, until someone interrupts our session and the real deal starts. I like watching him work. He knows how to ask his patients to get the answer he wants. If he is dealing with a sickness, he orders herbal wraps, decoctions or ointments, all stored in his office. If he is dealing with an injury, he knows how to fix it and I usually help him. I hold the patient still while he cracks their bones back in place, help fixing the splints or prepare herbal bandages, so the wounds would heal more quickly. I think he appreciates my help and company. He is always relaxed when I am around and it really makes me feel good, you know, normal. When I am with him I forget about my differences and concentrate fully on healing. I think that if I didn’t have my destiny already set, I would be a healer like him.

I’ve been living my whole life in palace in the capital city of the elven nation, in Jinae. And I’ve been living my whole life under constant watch of our lord Erwien the Unifier, the most powerful person in the elven world. He is something like a king, but without a kingdom. Our land spreads out through the whole Selsa forest but it ends there. After centuries we are still not separated from the Land of Men. We still are a minority suppressed by their domination. But at least all clans are unitary now, all thanks to Erwien. It took him ninety three years to calm down the conflicts between seventeen elf clans and commit them under one ruler. That is why he is called the Unifier. At least that’s what Hanji told me, Erwien himself doesn’t like to talk about it. He says that we should learn from the past, but then leave it alone and focus on the present. He usually is the stern one with fast thinking and firm decisions, but that’s what comes with the concept of ruling, I guess. He has to carry a lot on his shoulders, lots of responsibility and obligations. Sometimes I feel like all those things combined erased the kind part of him completely, but I am always wrong, you know. Usually, when it comes to me, he acts different and he shares his thoughts with me. I think that I am some kind of stress relief for him. I don’t mind that at all, in fact, the thought of the very leader of our nation sharing his personal stuff with me always gives me a little boost. Besides his ruling duties, he also keeps careful track of how I am doing in studying, who I am talking to and what I am doing. Sometimes I feel like I have no freedom at all, like I am caged inside the palace what leads me to things like this.

Things like pulling my green cape around my shoulders, grabbing my bag, pulling the hood over my eyes so no one sees the Mark and sneaking out of my very window.

The rush in my blood is always so sweet and thrilling. It never faded throughout the years.

I’ve done this so many times that I could do it with my eyes closed and nothing would happen to me. My room is on third floor of the highest tower of the palace and the height is approximately forty feet. If I fell down, I would break some bone for sure, but as I said, I’ve done this so many times… The tower walls are made of white polished granite and the bricks fit very tight to each other and only through many attempts I managed to find little handles where I am able to prop myself and not fall from the tower. I remember few times when I got stuck there and cried, because I didn’t know how to go up or down and my hands were already trembling with exhaustion but I eventually climbed back to my room. Today I laugh at it with nostalgia. I climb down quickly and jump off the last six feet. I turn and start to walk north, towards the garden. I’m quick and quiet, I don’t want the others to see me. The garden isn’t far and soon I creep inside the shadow of the trees and start looking for the right place where…yes! I spot the bush that grows right next to the fence and I crouch behind the tangle of green leaves. There is a hole in the fence that I made some years ago and the bush is conveniently hiding it. It is a perfect way to sneak out, I think as I squeeze through the hole. Of course I could have gone through the main gate, but I would have to ask Erwien for permission and…you know. It would only mean more questions from his side and he would worry for sure. I don’t want to be a trouble today. He has a lot of work to do anyway.

I clench my bag firmly and make it to the tangle of streets and alleys as fast as possible. I don’t want the palace guards to catch me and really the best thing I can do is get lost in the city. Jinae is quite big. It was the first elven city ever built and lots of houses keep the traditional tall, open-spaced architecture. The oldest houses are in the centre near the palace. They have large arches and carefully constructed ornaments decorating basically everything. These are the houses of noble elves or families of knights and the palace staff. But as you go further away from the centre the houses begin to change and you can see that the builders were influenced by the architecture of Men. Those cottages have thicker walls, are smaller in height but the décor remains. Whole Jinae lays on the southern part of an island. Northern part is covered by a forest where I always end up going, when I’m on a walk like this. Maybe today will be like that too.

I’m just walking around the city, not knowing where to go. My legs lead me and I just wander around, look at the well-known houses and try not to think about what is coming. My stomach rumbles and I realize that I didn’t have a breakfast yet so I better get something. I look inside my bag to take some money out and look for a shop with groceries, but I find a little green pack filed with my favourite biscuits. I take it out and examine closely. I don’t remember putting those there. My lips spread into a smile.

Oh Hanji. I can never thank you enough.

I put them back into the bag and continue walking around. My hood is still pulled low over my face. I don’t dare to remove it in the centre. The others would recognize me and start asking me if I am looking forward to this day. To the day that I have been waiting my whole life to come.

I mean, I like when I get to talk to people, but this is really the topic that I am trying to avoid. I walk swiftly through the pretty city like I’m trying to run from my thoughts and take turns on the well-known crossroads. Maybe I should visit Moblit for the last time. I haven’t seen him for a while. Or I could walk all the way to the southernmost part of the island and see the Roaring Crag. The waves crashing against the dark rocks three hundred feet under me are always pretty impressive. I don’t know what else is there to do. I turn my gaze to the sky and search answers there. There are only few clouds on the sky and it looks like it is going to be sunny for the whole day. Perfect weather for an all-day trip. But somehow the trip doesn’t seem appealing to me when I remember what a long journey actually starts tomorrow.

I decide for east Jinae and saying a proper goodbye to Moblit and everyone who I know there. I turn on the upcoming crossroad and walk further. I take out a biscuit and start chewing on it. Is it just me, or they don’t have the usual taste today? Nah, probably just me. I keep on walking and eventually get to the border of east district. I pull my hood down. Elves are in the streets, talking to each other or just simply walking around. I can see an elf who is teaching her son how to play harp. Her fingers are gently picking at the strings and the sounds are filling the whole street. My curiosity takes over and I stop by some six feet from them. I listen for a while, the sweet tones bringing memories of musicians from palace, and then start walking again. As I am getting closer to Moblit’s cottage his neighbors start to recognize me and they greet me. They are smiling at me, encouraging me. They now what day it is and how I feel about it. Moblit must have told them. I smile brightly and put my head a little higher. Some wave at me and I wave back. Then a girl runs from her house towards me with a pack in her hands and nearly crushes into me. She looks at me shyly and I crouch next to her to meet her at the eye-level.  Her platinum hair is brided nicely in a long fishtail and her green eyes meet mine. She scans my face and stops at the Mark. She pushes the pack into my hands.

 _“Daddy told me to give you this.”_ She murmurs and eyes the ground.

 _“Diola lle.”_ I tell her, she nods and runs back to her house. When I raise my glance I see her father and I recognize him as a bookbinder. Once he came to Moblit’s and had an ink poisoning, so Moblit gave him a medicine and told me to stay with him until he gets better. We spent four hours together and talked the whole time. I think his name is Belaurd. I look him in the eyes and repeat my thankful words. He nods and draws a little circle in the air with his hand, meaning that our circle has closed and his debt is paid. The gesture is called Mallen. I nod. He turns and goes back into his house. I don’t open the package right away, I keep going in Moblit’s direction and after a while I can see his cottage. He is standing on the porch with a bundle of herbs, freshly picked. He gives a little smile and I start to walk faster.

 _“Look who came to see me.”_ He muses and pushes the herbs into my free hand.

 _“These need a little cleaning and root cutting. Good thing you came.”_ He says and gives my sleeve a little tug.

_“B-but...”_

_“Hush Dragonblessed. Let’s go inside.”_ He tugs my sleeve again and I follow him into his cottage. I set my belongings on the wooden bench and follow him with the herbs still in my hand. I give them some more examination and recognize Eyebright and Hypericum.

 _“Are these from your garden or did you go to the forest?”_ I ask, because it is the first thing that comes to my mind.

 _“The forest. I went there with the dawn.”_ He leads me into his kitchen where he cleans the herbs. He takes the green bundle from my hand and starts cleaning them on his own. Strange. I thought he wanted me to do it. He is cuts the dirty roots away with a small knife.

 _“I saw a lot of amazing things there today. A flock of quails. A lizard. Even the fox paid me a visit,”_ Moblit belongs to the Clan of Fox, you can tell that from his hazel hair with red gloss. He is always very happy when he sees a fox, _“but I saw more. I saw the tree where we first met.”_ His voice trembles a little.

 _“Do you remember how we first met, Dragonblessed?”_ He asks, his voice still with a hint of frailty. I smile a little, take half of the herbs and start cleaning them as well.

 _“Of course I remember Morblith,”_ I called him by his real name, not the one I gave him, “ _I was eleven at the time and I was high in the tree, trying to catch a nutcracker and you saw me. You yelled at me, I got scared and fell from that tree. Then you scraped me off the ground-“_

_“And carried you to my cottage.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Do you remember the injuries?”_ He asked, eyeing the herbs.

 _“No I don’t. Tell me.”_ Of course I remember.

 _“You had a broken tibia, sprained wrist, bruised ribs and a heavy concussion. I fixated your leg, bandaged your wrist and gave you a lot of water with poppy seeds to calm you down.”_ He laughed a little and tied the green stems of Eyebright together.

 _“That is when I misheard your name and decided to call you Moblit for the rest of your life.”_ I say with a light chuckle.

_“Yes, I think I gave you too much poppy. But you looked older than you actually were.”_

_“You know that I don’t age like the rest of you.”_ I objected and he nodded. I really don’t age like elves. Hanji says that I age like humans. I don’t know why. Maybe it has something to do with all the Dragonblessedd mojo. I finish my herbs too and tie the Hypericum together with a ribbon. Then Moblit takes both bunches and hangs them on a nail poking out of the wooden beam. We hear the bells from clock tower chime ten times. It’s ten in the morning. Still painfully lot and terribly few of time lies ahead of me. I feel like I never want to reach the evening. I want this day to stretch forever, to have more time until it all starts. But on the other hand, I want it to come, because all the tension is slowly killing me.

My stomach rumbles and reminds me, that this morning I had only one biscuit and that’s not enough for sure. Moblit hears it.

 _“I have some broth from yesterday if you are hungry.”_ He says and puts the small cauldron with broth above the fireplace to heat it up.

 _“Yes, I would be delighted.”_ I answer and look around the cottage. I don’t want to think about the fact that I’m seeing it for the last time. That would only make my chest tighter. I watch Moblit blow between the coals and put wooden splinters on top of them to make the fire bigger. I could do it much quicker, but I don’t want to interfere. I sit down on the chair next to the table and start to toy with the red buckle on my belt. We don’t speak and the atmosphere thickens. I’m thinking of what to say. What should I say to someone who cared about me for past eight years? Should I tell him that I am going to miss him? Or that I never wanted it to end like this? Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed with him all the time. I shouldn’t have made friends with him, now he has to go through this emotional tunnel of despair. Or maybe it’s just me who feels like this. Maybe he doesn’t care at all. Maybe he’ll just shrug it all off and keep going without me. This thought hurts me and I close my eyes tightly to stop the tears. I can hear the bubbling of the soup and Moblit takes the ladle and pours me a decent portion of the hot liquid into a carved wooden bowl. Then he takes the few steps and puts it at the table in front of him.

 _“Diola lle.”_ I mumble and trace the rim of the bowl and carvings with my finger. The soup is still too hot to eat, but the nice smell of vegetables and spices soon enters my nose and I feel my mouth get watery. Other elves would have smelled it long before me, but if you didn’t get the memo yet, I’m not good at being an elf. I think I should definitely cheer myself up. I shouldn’t mourn all the day, I should probably think of something different, like….like….

Oh my, just look at this bowl. It’s so pretty. It carries a pattern of vines twining together and curling around each other. I imagine the careful hands picking up the chisel ant dig the sharp part into the fragile wood. I have seen carvers on streets, selling the products they made, like plates, bowls, cups and utensils.  I wonder how much time it took to carve all those little leaves into it. And how long it took until the carver made that pattern up. Probably more time than you’ve got left, Marco.  

Damn it.

Moblit takes a bowl of broth as well and sits next to me. He raises it to his lips and blows gently on the surface, making it ripple. The steam is forming little clouds that only last for a little time before they get blown away by his breath. My bowl, however, is still sitting in front of me and I wonder why I didn’t start blowing at it. My fingers stop running on the surface and I take the bowl firmly and bring it to my nose. The smell intensifies and it completes the homey feeling of Moblit’s cottage. I gently blow on the soup. I know that if I drank it all, right now, the heat wouldn’t harm me, but I want to feel the taste, so I choose patience over hunger.

After a while it seems to have cooled down, so I start sipping at it and enjoy the rich taste as much as I can. I feel the heat relieving some of my tension, my chest feels wider and more airy and my stomach unties itself slowly. The whole world seems to have more colours than it had a minute ago. I relax a little and rely on the back of the chair with the bowl in my hands. I look at Moblit and notice that he is still trying to cool his portion down. I awkwardly put the bowl back and when he looks at me I speak up.

 _“I’m sorry. I started without you.”_ I say and he chuckles.

 _“Always so polite, Dragonblessed. How did I deserve this?”_ He takes a little sip. I look down and feel a little heat coming up my cheeks. Maybe now is the time.

 _“By being good to me throughout those years?”_   I give him a side glance. Moblit sighs and starts to make small circles with the soup in his hand. His mouth forms a tight line. He takes a breath few times like he wanted to say something, but then closes his mouth again.

 _“I will miss you Marco.”_ He says in tight voice. I’m left without words again.

We drink the soup in silence and I take care of the dishes after we finish. I still don’t know what I should say. Will this be enough? Will we really split up like this? I’m repeating his words in my head. He will miss me. He will stay here, in Jinae in his old neighborhood and wait for me to come back and when I actually do, I won’t be there for him. This upsets me the most. I wait for him to say something more, but he is silent and glares at the table. I feel my palms getting hotter and I have to raise them from the table or else I might burn it. He notices the fast move and looks into my eyes. First I thought he would scold me, but he did it on completely different purpose. He continues.

 _“You are a good boy with good heart. Don’t lose yourself in the world outside.”_ He puts his hand on my shoulder and I relax into his touch. I feel the hotness going away.

 _“I won’t.”_ I say and cover his hand with mine. He lets go after a short moment and I stand up. I think that it is just about the time for me to leave. I don’t think that I can carry on much longer without bursting into tears and making a scene. I can’t do that to him. I have to be strong for him too, you know. I have to be strong for him, because people who leave are going to see new places and meet new people, but those who stay are going to deal with the very same things reminding them the ones who left. He looks at me and stands up with a sigh. We awkwardly make the few steps to the door and I regain my bag and the package from Belaurd. And when I’m fully ready to go I turn to him again.

 _“You are leaving tomorrow, aren’t you.”_ He says.

_“Yes I am.”_

_“You’ll go to the port and then sail to Faelumme.”_

_“Yes. And then travel through the Land of Men.”_ Moblit nods a little.

 _“I won’t go to the port tomorrow. Neither will I go to the streets to say farewell, Marco.”_   This catches me off-guard.

 _“Why?”_ I exclaim like a scared child. He gives me a sad smile.

 _“I won’t be able to look at you again.”_ I don’t certainly know what he means.

 _“W-what do you mean? I don’t understand…”_ He takes a while to think out the answer.

_“I think it will be too woeful for me to handle.”_

_“Oh…”_ I whimper. I can feel his melancholy settling in. My arms twitch at first with uncertainty but I decide to pull him into a tight hug. I didn’t think about it much and I’ve never done it to him, but I’m past point of caring. He relies on me and props his forehead against my shoulder.  I try to memorize how he feels and how he smells. I hope I will remember it until my last days. I always imagined my last day here with him. He always had a supporting role in those “fantasies”, he always stood in the crowd and when I made eye contact with him he filled me with courage. But he won’t be there. I’m starting to feel emptier and colder with every passing second so I eventually let go. He looks me in the eyes for the last time.

 _“Aa’ menle nauva calen ar’ ta hwesta e’ ale’quenle.”_   May the paths be green and breeze on thy back; he says as he opens the door of his cottage. I go through the doorframe.

 _“Namaarie, mellonamin.”_  Farewell my friend; I say over my shoulder and walk away.

 

* * *

 

I don’t remember the walking through the east district, nor turning back north and heading for the forest. I can’t recall thinking about anything. Five hours passed since I left Moblit’s house. Now I am sitting high on the tree, looking into distance.  Have no memory of what’s happened in between. My hand reaches down and caresses the bark.  My hands are stinging and when I look at them, I see scratches. It must have happened when I climbed the tree. I feel a familiar taste in my mouth. I realize that I have eaten the whole pack of the biscuits. I look down. The height is a little more than the tower where I live. I imagine myself falling down without fear and then getting carried away by the light breeze. My body is light like a feather and the air carries me all the way above the green rooftop of the forest. I am flying higher and higher, over Jinae, over the Roaring Crag and finally…

The open sea.  It’s so calm and heavenly blue. There’s nobody but me, the sea and peace. I open my eyes again and look out through the hole in the leaves. The forest is huge, ending over the grey horizon. I can see a falcon making a big loop in the air, searching for his prey. He is quiet, his moves are calculated and he slips gently through the air. Then he draws his wings to his body and falls down like a stone. Falcons are one of the few creatures that have better eyesight than the elves. Also, one of the clans carries name after it. Hanji is from the Clan of Falcon. I shift my legs to make myself more comfortable and raise my hands to examine them again. The irritation is still the same and I curl and stretch my fingers. It feels sore and rough. Suddenly, I get an idea. I look at the tip of my index finger and concentrate. I narrow my eyes and suddenly a little orange flame appears at the end of my finger. I let it grow until it is big as my palm and then I begin to give it a shape. I tell he flame to make a thin body, long and sharp wings, little triangle head with a sharp hooked beak and long legs with claws. I look at the blazing falcon from various sides and when I am satisfied with his shape, I let him go. He falls into my hands, shakes his head and looks around himself. His wings twitch, he gives me a questioning look and shrieks at me.

 _“Well, what are you afraid of? Go ahead and fly, little one. The world is yours.”_ I say in a tender voice and the bird shakes his wings again and stands up in my palms. His steps are shaky and unsure, each accompanied with a shriek. It feels a little odd, because he has no weight, he is pure flame. He eventually jumps off my hand and starts flying around the tree trunk, carefully avoiding the leaves and making fast loops in the air. He flies further away and then back and away again. I start making other animals. A squirrel with long burning tail, a little swallow that starts a friendly chase with the falcon and a dormouse that cradles into my lap after a short walk and falls asleep. I watch the weightless little body and the rise and fall of the tiny chest. This is the best thing about being the Dragonblessed.

I think that I should finally tell you what the Dragonblessed is and where I am going and why I am doing so much fuss about it. But it sure isn’t going to be a short story, just so you know.

Eight hundred and fifty years ago the elves and dragons, both endangered by humans, made a pact and united their forces to defense from the strong army of Men. They went to war side by side, but never serving each other. No dragon has ever let an elf mount him and no elf has ever provided food or service to a dragon. But both opposing armies had their power just. The strength of elves and dragons was in skill and fire, the strength of humans in numbers and manic fearlessness. After thirteen years of war it was decided that the bloodbath has to end. The peace pacts created and signed and the Kingdom of Three Walls settled into peace. But not for long. The elves didn’t keep their word and under the lead of king Nilen of the Clan of Weasel attacked and defeated the Vemlian city that they lost to humans. I know what you are thinking: Elves? But they are such a peaceful and calm nation! How could they not keep the word? Well you should know that both races, humans and elves were very different eight hundred years ago. As the years went on, they eventually changed, but primarily, elves were very cunning and dark. And people were even worse, barbaric and bloodthirsty, nothing was sacred to them. Elves counted on help from the side of dragons, who intended to come, but were stopped by specially trained squad of humans. The whole garrison of dragons was defeated, but the human squad was killed as well, along with the know-how of defeating dragons. As a result, the elves were pushed into the Selsa forest and their autonomy has been taken from them. King Nilen was exiled and a new ruler took his place, lord Dottiren of the Clan of Rose. This was the time when the elves realized that their culture and nation is in danger. The nation itself fell into the fear of being forgotten and decided to enrich the culture, because it was the only thing they had left. And that is how the modern picture of an elf was born. Elves became more interested in music, poetry and art. But it was just a part of the plan. Lord Dottiren wanted the humans to think that the elves changed into a feeble nation of clowns and bards, while the reality was different. He invented a new kind of army with various fighting skills convenient for forest fights. Even today the Dottirian army is still working as guardians of our land. And there is one more thing you should know about the lord. It was him who made me go through this. He actually made another pact with the king of dragons. That was, that in the time of the biggest need, the king of dragons will choose one of the elves and make him a Dragonblessed wizard.

And that’s me. My mission is, that I have to travel all the way through the land of Men to the north and enter the Smoke Mountain, where lives the Fire dragon. And this is the time for it to become complicated. In the depths of the mountain I will have to find the dragon and my body and soul will interblend with him and create a new person, a fearless warrior, more powerful than there has ever been before. He will be able to smite a garrison with his bare hands.

So now you know. I am going through the whole country to find a dragon and give up my body and mind. I’ll practically die. I won’t remember anything when I become the Warrior. I will walk back to Jinae, not knowing anyone and with a terrible thirst for blood. I shudder at the thought of such a drastic change. You know, first there is…me, who wouldn’t harm a fly, and then there would be something monstrous living inside my body and using it as a toy. It would be just fine if things stayed like this. Now my abilities start and end with fire bending. I can make my own fire and use it as I like. I can heat up myself so much that I can practically burn through anything. That’s how I made the hole in the fence back at the palace. I just heated my hands so they were red and pushed them into the stone wall. And I am also able to perform magic, but with much more effort than fire bending. And what Hanji noticed is, that when I do magic, my Mark starts to glow. She says that it looks like smoldering coals. She is in charge of teaching me wizardry.

The dormouse is still gently cuddling my lap and its eyes are closed. I reach down and dip my fingers into the flames. Funny fact: fire cannot hurt me. The falcon and swallow stopped chasing at each other and now they are gently hovering above the twigs. Squirrel comes to my lap as well and examines the dormouse playfully. She outstretches her tiny orange paw to poke him.

 _“Nu-uh, let him sleep. C’mere.”_ I tell her and she jumps into my outstretched palm and starts to climb all around it. I smile at her. Sometimes I entertain Erwin with these little shenanigans. Well, you might have noticed, his real name is Erwien, but Hanji and I call him Erwin. But she told me never to mention this nickname in front of him. When I asked her why, she told me that he’ll be sad, but she never told me why. Anyway, he always asks me to make an owl out of my fire and stares into the slow flames of her body for a long time. Then he asks me to make her move, so I tell her and she spreads her wings and flies around the hall. His eyes never leave her.

The squirrel whirs in my hand and bites me, because I’m not giving her enough attention.

 _“Oi! What was that for?”_ I poke her flame belly playfully and my finger goes right through her body. She seems to feel it and loses her stability for a while. But eventually she starts to run around again. I check my hand for a wound, but luckily, there is none. Erwin says, that the Dragonblessed should be as pure and whole as he can, meaning no scars, wounds and other…things. You know what the whole “pure” thing means, right?

Ah, I guess that dragons will never be over with obsessing over virgins. Creepy.

 I rub my hand over my face and calm myself with the sight of still sleeping dormouse. How is he doing it? He is so calm while I am so upset. Suddenly, I hear footsteps under me. I let the petite animals dissolve into air and lean on the side to look down. There is an elvish woman riding a spotted horse and leading another behind her. I recognize her immediately. Hanji is turning her head in various directions, obviously looking for me. I decide to cheer myself up a little bit. I stand up on the limb and start walking on it in the direction that she is going. I find a connection leading to another tree and I jump there quietly and securely. I am a big fan of climbing stuff. I can do it fast and quiet as a squirrel. I’m travelling through the trees along with Hanji and she is still looking for me. She is the only one who knows about me escaping from the palace and going to the city and the forest. But hey, she is totally OK with it. She is a kind hearted elf and the closest thing to a mother that I ever had. I come few levels lower and look at her. Her eyes dart through the trees and I manage to hide right before she looks at my spot. She dismounts her horse and puts her hands around her mouth.

 _“Marcooo!”_ She yells, her voice strengthened by her hands. I go lower a bit and outstretch my hand. I make a little bundle of sparks go off some twelve feet to her right, in the very opposite direction than where I am. Her head snaps and she examines the spot where the sparks have just disappeared. I quickly climb down the tree and let out another sparkles few feet further from her. She follows them and I take cautious steps towards the standing horses. My eyes are trained on her back, but it still takes me a while to realize that her hand shot into the air and pointed at me.

 _“Lova tyelka!”_ She exclaims, still her back to me and not even looking at me. My legs suddenly feel ten times bigger and I stumble and fall. The horses neigh wildly in amusement. Hanji turns around and looks at me with a triumphant look on her face.

 _“You are not fooling me Marco! Not today!”_ She says in a sing-song voice and walks over to me. I’m still lying on the ground, face down and my mouth full of stale leaves. I spit them out and turn on my back.

 _“When did you see me?”_ I ask and look at my legs. Fortunately they aren’t as big as they feel. I honestly feel like I just got stung in my feet by a swarm of wasps and my legs got monstrously swollen.

 _“I didn’t. I didn’t even hear you, Marco. I just knew that you are trying to scare me when I saw the sparks,”_ she says with a smile, _“now come on and get up young man. Time flies like an arrow and they are already on-sight from the coast.”_   I stop trying to get up.

 _“Who is coming?”_ Her head tilts and she looks at me thoroughly.

_“The humans, of course!”_

What?

My face must be giving out my confusion, because Hanji decides to explain.

 _“The king of the Kingdom of Three Walls will not let you roam around the land of Men with an escort of elves and Erwin won’t let you go by yourself. So the kingdom sent us four of their best soldiers to escort you._ ”

 _“Am I going to be accompanied by humans during the entire journey?”_ I ask in disbelief.

 _“Aren’t you excited, my dear?”_ She exclaims and wiggles her hands in the air happily. I…I don’t even know if I am excited. They are going to be the first humans I’ll ever see.

_“Well, I guess. But why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“The message just came yesterday evening. If you didn’t sneak out today, you would have known.”_

_“Did Erwin find out that I am missing?”_

Hanji snorted.

 _“He always does, silly. And he doesn’t care anymore. He was a bit furious about the escort thing though, but I calmed him down. Mostly.”_ I nod and think about the people that are coming closer and closer to Jinae with every passing minute. How will they look like? What will they smell like? Every elf says that people stink and I’m curious if it is actually true. My hands grip the leaves on the ground tightly as I think. How long will the journey even be? How much time will it take for us to get from here to the Smoke Mountain? And how will I get along with the humans? Hanji bends to my eye level and pokes me into my shoulder.

 _“Hello, Marco! Get up, we’ve gotta go!”_ She says and I try to stand up, but I remember the state of my legs.

_“Well would you mind dismissing the jinx of clumsiness?”_

_“Well, you shouldn’t have tried to scare me, now get up on your own.”_ I take everything back about her being a kind-hearted elf.

 _“Hanji…”_ I plea.

_“Oh no, don’t give me that look Marco. It won’t help you, I’ve seen it enough times to resist.”_

_“Please…?”_   I even try to pout. I think it is a useful weapon, because she sighs in defeat and whips her hand in my direction. My feet feel lighter and I am finally able to stand up. Good thing that Hanji took horses because it is a long way back to the palace. I think we are in the middle of the forest right now. I pat Tilkrin, my horse, on her white neck. She snorts lightly and I continue to rub her gently. I don’t ride on her very often, but I always keep in touch with her. I visit her at the stable, bring her some treats and talk to her. Now I stick my foot to the stirrup and mount her quickly. I head south for the palace and Hanji joins me quickly. The world looks a little different from the saddle. The elvish breed of horse is really tall with long legs and now everything seems smaller than before. Tilkrin doesn’t need me to navigate her, she knows the way. I look up to see myriads of green leaves above us with just a little of sky peeking through them. What time could it be? Five? Maybe more.

We ride in silence. I look at Hanji from time to time. She is wearing her riding outfit that I always admire. It is very practical and beautiful at the same time. When she is riding a horse, the long skirt parts in front and you can see that she is actually wearing her brown riding leggings under it. But when she dismounts the horse it actually looks like a decent dress. I connect our gazes and she smiles at me. Oh my, how will I miss her. Her warm smiles, habits that all elves find strange but only the two of us don’t give a damn about it. I will miss her encouraging words and caresses filled with care. She always touches me when we talk. When she is cheering me up, she takes my face into her hands and strokes my cheeks with her thumbs. She hugs me a lot, caresses my hair and I find all those actions very pleasurable. Other elves only allow their mates to touch them, otherwise they get very uncomfortable. We are not mates, of course, she is like my mother! I can’t even imagine…wait I can. No. No, get those thoughts out of your head Marco, that’s disgusting! I shake my head. Once I asked her about it and she said that touching is a habit that she took when she was with people. She said that people touch all the time. She knows it, because she spent twenty years of her life with them, travelling across the Flare archipelago. The hatred that has settled between humans and elves after the war has never reached the islands and people here don’t give a damn whether you are an elf or a human. She always tells me funny stories from her journey, for example how she learned human witchcraft. When she speaks, I take the glasses that people gave her as a goodbye gift and examine them thoroughly. I like their rectangular shape and firm construction. She wears them every day and when we walk through the city, we are the unforgettable duo. She, with her glasses and shaggy hair tied high and me with my dark skin, black hair, freckles and the Mark.

My gaze stops at her dark auburn hair and a memory comes to surface that brings tears to my eyes.

 I was nine at the time. I had no friends, because nine year old elves looked like me when I was four.  I tried to approach kids that looked like me, they told me to go away, because I am weird. That day I ran back to palace, locked myself in my room and cried. Of course that Hanji heard me.

 _“Marco? What is the matter?”_ She asked from behind the locked door.

 _“Nothing.”_ I tried to give her my firmest voice, but it still came out as a sob.

 _“I’m going in, okay?”_ She said gently and I didn’t say anything. I heard a tender whisper and the lock clicked open. Magic, of course. I crawled under my bed and hid my face in my hands. She didn’t deserve to look at such terrible face like mine.

 _“Marco, why are you hiding? What happened?”_ She crouched and looked under the bed.

 _“Are you injured?”_ I shook my head, still refusing to look at her.

 _“Well then, what is it? Talk to me, Marco. I can’t help if you won’t say anything.”_ She tilted her head to get a better look on me and her hand sneaked under the bed, trying to boop my nose. My hand went away from my face to stop her hand.

 _“Oh dear, it sure is a serious matter when nose boops aren’t helping!”_ She exclaimed and laid down on her belly. I slowly nod my head.

 _“Why am I the only one weird?”_ I whined through my fingers.

 _“Only one? Naah, you are not the only. Today I saw Almar picking his nose.”_ I had to chuckle at the thought of the proud vice-counselor with his finger in his nose. But then the sadness came back.

_“But I look weird.”_

_“No you don’t”_

_“Yes I do.”_

_“Well, then no one cares if you do.”_

_“Everybody cares.”_ I muttered, determined never to leave the Underbed realm of my room.

_“I don’t.”_

_“……”_

_“I would still love you the same, even if you had six legs or fourteen eyes or height of this entire tower or all those things combined. You would still be my Marco.”_  She said and caressed my little chubby hand. She sat on her heels, I crawled from under the bed and hugged her waist. I buried my face in the fabric of her dress.

 _“You are so good to me, Hanji.”_ I peeped and then moved myself from her waist to lie down on the floor and put the back of my head in her lap. I looked into her face and she dipped her long pale fingers into my black hair.

 _“Because my little monster deserves it!”_ She said tenderly and I decided to play with her a little bit.

_“Rawr.”_

_“Raaawr!”_ It was so funny, watching a grown elf growling.

 _“Raaaawr!!”_  My hands shot up and caught her long ash blond hair. I didn’t pull it, I just caught it. I always liked the colour of her hair, representing the Clan of Falcon. I mingled them between my little fingers.

_“Your hair is pretty. I wish I had hair like you have. Others would play with me. I wouldn’t be the only one with dark hair.”_

I don’t remember what happened then. But when I saw her the next day, I cried.

 _“Hanji! What happened to you?!”_ She didn’t look like herself at all. Her hair was dark brown and she had freckles. She crouched next to me so I could take a better look. She was smiling! I didn’t know why.

 _“Today I woke up like this!”_ She exclaimed happily. I touched her hair and then her cheeks.

 _“No! I’m sorry Hanji, I didn’t want to infect you! I’m sorry!”_ I was rubbing the freckles on her cheeks frantically until I noticed that they can be smudged clean.

 _“Look! You can smudge them down!”_ Just then I noticed that she was confused and a little disappointed.

 _“Hanji?”_ She gently caught my hands in hers and pushed them to her heart with a smile.

 _“I don’t want to. Sorry, I lied a little. I didn’t wake up like this, I dyed my hair and drew those little cute_ freckles _like you have.”_ I stared at her for a long time.

_“But why? Your hair was so pretty!”_

_“It is prettier now! I wanted it black, but it didn’t turn out as I wanted. And you are not the only one with dark hair now.”_ She said and I hugged her tightly.

 _“You are so good to me, Hanji.”_ I whispered into her shoulder.

I wipe my teary eyes into my hand and look at Hanji. She kept drawing those freckles for two more years, until I persuaded her to stop. But she kept dying her hair dark brown until today. They shine really nicely in the afternoon sun and they suit her very well. She has them tied up high as always, long bangs falling into her face.

 _“Erwin told me a little about those humans that will come.”_ She snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked into her eyes with surprise.

_“O-oh! Really?”_

_“Yup.”_ She really isn’t like other elves. Never ever would they say ‘yup’.

_“And what did he tell you Hanji? I’m curious! How many you told there will be? Four?”_

_“Yes, four. One navigator, one archer and two swordsmen, one heavy and one light.”_

_“Do you know their names? Or how they look?”_ I was getting carried away by my curiosity.

_“Take it easy, Dragonboy! No, I don’t know their names neither their looks. I’m just as curious as you are!”_

_“Okay, okay.”_ my curiosity is eating me alive. The whole bad mood from today is forgotten for now and I’m driven by excitement. Hanji always brings me good mood.

 _“You wanna race to the palace?”_ I ask, gripping Tilkrin’s reins tighter.

_“You bet!”_

 

* * *

 

 _“I’m not listening! You lost and I won!”_ I yell at Hanji with generous amount of chuckles. I have a wide grin spread over my face, standing on the top of the staircase and looking down at Hanji.

 _“But only because Tilkrin has longer legs than Orist!”_ Hanji yells back and lifts her skirt to trot up the stairs and catch me.

 _“Not listening!”_ I start running into the palace. I don’t even know why. But I know that Hanji can’t catch me. I feel like a kid again. I can hear her footsteps behind me and I pick up my pace. My boots are slippery against the polished marble and I have to calculate my trajectory and velocity precisely, or else I would fall. And get caught! I run through the main hall, then turn right and through the east hall to the tall alder door that leads to the residential part of the palace. I pull the handle forcefully and the door cracks open slowly. Why is it so hard to open?! I pull again and the door is opened completely. I slip through and close them behind me, so Hanji doesn’t see that I went through there. I chuckle, turn around and run along the short hall until I find the staircase leading to the tower. Suddenly two thin, but long hands grab me from behind and I shriek. They let go and  I look behind myself, but I don’t see anyone. Wait a second…

The image behind me looks odd. The wall goes straight, but then it bulges out and the texture is smudged. I smirk.

 _“Vanishing jinx is nothing new to me Hanji! But I don’t know how you got here so quickly.”_ The strange wall ripples and she appears with a devious smirk on her face. Her hair even shaggier than usual and her eyes are gleaming with amusement. She is ready to say something when we get distracted by approaching footsteps. We both face the direction they are coming from and after a while we can see him. Erwien is walking towards us in his solemn clothes. There is a sword decorated with gemstones hanging on his right side. His tunic and leggings are black like mine, but his accessories are blue, bringing out the colour of his eyes. His waist long blond hair is braided simply and hanging through his shoulder. The whole look is completed by a long iceberg blue cloak waving behind him as he walks. He looks quite…astonishing. Hanji and I just stare at him until he comes to us.

 _“Lithanjiën, Marcuilion,”_ he greets us with our real names, _“the humans will arrive in an hour. You both should get ready, you will be greeting them with me.”_ We nod.

 _“Good. Dismissed.”_  He says, turns away and starts walking, when he stops abruptly, sniffs the air and turns to me.

 _“And a bath wouldn’t do any harm, Marcuilion.”_ He says with that rare, faint smile and keeps walking. I feel my cheeks burn in embarrassment and I lower my head. It is true, that I sweat a little more than an ordinary elf. I ran a hand through my hair and find it wet at the roots. I subtly sniff the air around me and encounter another wave of shame. Well…well you try riding a galloping horse for an hour straight and then chasing around the palace! Or you, Erwin! I frown a little and Hanji pokes me in the ribs. I give out another shriek and glare at her. She smiles sweetly and is forgiven immediately.

 _“Don’t mind it, Marco. Now let’s get ready. Come!”_ She heads for the sanitary wing and I go with her. Our steps match. I put my palms on my tunic and find it damp as well. Oh no, what am I going to wear? All my clothes are already packed and stacked who-knows-where. The only clothes I have left are these. And they stink. My pace slows and Hanji gives me a curios look.

 _“What is it, Marco?”_ I explain the situation to her.

 _“…I mean, I could wash them, but how will I dry them? I don’t have much time.”_ I finish and watch her, as her mouth forms a tight line.

 _“Are you serious Marco?”_ I look at her, wide-eyed. Of course I am!

_“You are a firebender! You are the heat itself, just put them on and they will dry!”_

_“Oh yes, you are right! Thank you.”_ I genuinely forgot. Hanji sighs and then smiles. We move on and reach the bathrooms where we part.

 _“What will you do out there without me?”_ I can hear her sigh as she enters the bathroom for women. She meant it as a mocking comment, but it hurt me a little bit. Not that part about me being desperate in the world outside, but the thought of being without her.

 _“Probably surrender to a Fire dragon end cease to exist?”_ I mutter when I close the door. I push my back against the wooden door and inhale the steam-filled air. Everything in the room is already prepared for me to take a bath, Erwien must have ordered it in advance. He is always at least two steps ahead, even if he is dealing with details. The whole room is lit with candles and the orange light of the setting sun. The walls are made of light pink stone with soft texture. I see a mirror hung on the wall in the height of my eyes.  There are two wooden tubs next to each other, one filled with lukewarm water with a sponge and the other with hot water and herbs. The first is for cleaning and the second for rest and regeneration. I have the odd feeling that this will be the last proper bath for a long time.

I put my shoes down and shove them under a little stool next to the door, where I put my bag as well. I put my cloak down and then the tunic, leggings and underwear. I put them in a trough and pour some water on them so they soak properly. And then it is finally the time for me to dip my whole body into warm water. I got myself quite dirty during the day. I curl a little more in the tub so I can put my head under the water surface. I take a long breath and then…

Silence. That kind of silence which you can find only under the water. The warm liquid fills my sensitive ears and they start to tickle, so I move them. Yes, another fun fact: I can move my ears. Not so much as a horse or a dog, but I can twitch them fairly. That is what I am proud of, other elves can’t do it. I rub my face and let the water clean it from sweat and dust. I lead my fingers through my hair that is floating all around me. Then I touch my ears and feel metal on my left helix. It is the silver earring that I forgot to take off. It is just a clipping earring, I don’t have my ear pierced.

When I finish cleaning myself, I go out of the tub and check my clothes, rub them together and wring the most of the water out. I pour the dirty water into the used tub and hang the clothes over the rim of it. And just then I can go into the other tub. There are rose petals floating on the surface and the water smells really nice. As my body slips into the water I can smell sandal oil, rose oil, rosemary and….yep, its ginger. The slightly yellow water with pink petals looks very romantic and I feel something very akin to satisfaction settling in my chest. The smell is making me forget the worries and my mind gets hazy. A though surfaces, saying that I should thank Erwin for the nice, stress-consuming bath.

A loud bang wakes me up. Is someone banging on the door? Am I late? The pain in the back of my head tells me otherwise. Yes Marco, you just fell asleep and banged your stupid head against the wood. I growl and wriggle in the water. It has gotten a bit cold for my liking, so I concentrate again and feel my skin heating up. The water takes the heat and soon steam begins to form. That is when I stop and look at my knees. They are sticking out of the water like two hills out of mist. Like those drawn in my book about the kingdom. I put my middle and index fingertips on my thigh and walk them up until they reach the top of my knee. They turn into a courageous hiker, unafraid of heights and the nothingness hidden under the mist of the hills. He looks around, looking for somewhere to go, but there is nothing, just the wide ocean of water that smells like roses. But wait! There is another hill, just like the one he is standing on right now. Maybe he could jump from one to the other? Maybe he isn’t entirely lost, maybe there is some way out starting on the other hill. He could surely jump the distance. It will be easy. Piece of cake! The hiker takes few steps back and then runs forward as fast as he can. He has the speed of a racing horse, he’s unstoppable. As his little feet leave the first hill, the second seems so far. It looks like it is running away from him. Now it is clear that he won’t make it. The unbeatable force drags him into the infinite depth and he never surfaces.  My hand is on my lower belly where the hiker landed. I take it out and prop it on the rim of the tub. Somehow, the short etude with the hiker reminds me of myself. I don’t exactly know how, but it does.

I dip my hair into the water and let the smell of roses soak in. So I will look pretty and smell nice for the humans. The first impression is quite important and I hope I won’t do any mistake. What should I do when I meet them? And how will I meet them? Where? I had an image of me, Erwin and Hanji greeting them on the palace stairs. But maybe it will be in the main hall? Or in the throne room? You know what, Marco? Just stick to Erwin and the things will turn out good. I rise from the water and step on the floor. It takes just a little bit of concentration to dry out the water on my skin. I take the wet clothes and do as Hanji told me. I am careful this time, because when I did it before I heated it up too much and ended up with a big hole on my back and underarms. The clothes dry completely, but are still a little wrinkled. Well, what can I do? I smooth the wrinkles with my hand and stretch the tunic. They don’t go away, but it looks a bit better. I try to confirm it in the mirror, but realize that it is completely fogged by the steam I made. I can see just a rough silhouette of me in it. I come close to it, reach out my finger and trace the outline of my face. Then I draw my eyes, my nose and mouth with simple strokes. After a while there is another Marco in the room, looking at me with uneven eyes and crooked smile. He is looks grotesque and deformed. I don’t like it. Time to move on Marco, stop goofing around in the bathroom. How long have you been here?

I look at my face in the mirror, neatly part my hair in the middle and smooth them on the back. I turn my back to the mirror and finally go for the boots, when I notice something. There is a big black spot on the surface of the second tub. I give it a closer look and realize, that every part of my body that was touching the tub surface has burned a filled outline on the wood. Every part, so there is a spot in the shape of my back, my feet and fingers and, well…my butt. I shouldn’t have heated the water, now there is a life-sized butt print on the bottom of it. My palm meets my forehead. Oh my…

At least they won’t forget that I lived here.

I put on my boots and walk out of the bathroom. I meet Hanji on the hall. She changed into long white dress and her hair is wavy from the humidity of the bathroom air.

 _“Let’s go Marco. The humans will be here any minute now.”_ She says and tugs my sleeve.

_“W-wait! What about my bag and cloak? I left them in the bathroom.”_

_“The staff will take care of it. They know your things, they will know that it is yours.”_ I nod and let her lead me to the throne room, in which Erwin is waiting for us. His hands are behind his back, he is standing tall and his blue eyes scanning the room. He waves at us gently and we join him. He examines Hanji and then me carefully and nods with satisfaction. Then he offers Hanji his elbow and she takes it with a smile. Where am I supposed to stand? Oh no, wait, we are moving. Hanji and Erwin lead me through the room and main hall to the entrance of the palace. We stop at the top of the small staircase. Strange. Just an hour ago Hanji and I started a chase here. We were playful and childish, laughing and careless. Now I feel ten times older. We stand here with neutral expressions, just waiting for something to happen. I feel my chest tightening a little with anticipation, but the effects of the herbal bath are still with me, preventing me from worrying too much. I am standing by Hanji’s side and she gives me a side glance with a wink. She sniffs the air.

 _“Roses?”_ She whispers in my direction and I nod. I don’t have much to say. My eyes just bore into the distance as we wait. I don’t know what to do with my hands. I feel my teeth biting my lip. I swallow dryly and put my hands behind my back just like Erwin had them when he was waiting for us.

And then we hear the footsteps. Eight silhouettes are trembling in the dark, four human and four elvish. Curiousness rises in my chest immediately and my legs and hands start to prick. I want to see them, why aren’t they walking faster? We wait a little more until I’m able to see them. They stop at the bottom of the low staircase, just some fifteen feet from me.

They are simply amazing. There is an uncanny resemblance to the elves, but they are still different. I look at them, one by one and try to guess their occupations.

The first from left has a huge frame with big muscles. He is probably taller than me. His hair is short and blond, he has a big jaw and a sharp, hooked nose. His eyebrows catch my attention before his eyes. They are really thin, nearly non-existent. And his eyes are quite small too, with light brown irises. I guess that he is the heavy swordsman, he looks like it. For now I shall call him…Eyebrows guy? Maybe it would suit Erwin more…

Next to him stands a short, thin woman. Her head is in the same level as the swordsman’s pectoral muscles start. Her face holds a non-amused expression and half of it is covered by her hair that is tied into a small messy bun. She has big blue eyes, I like them. And a significant, hooked nose. She doesn’t seem to be a swordsman, so I type her for a navigator or an archer. Until I know her name she will be the Blue eyed girl. Her eyes are really nice.

Then there is another small blond woman with her loose bangs falling into her face and cut straight, just a little under her eyebrows. That’s why I will call her Bangs girl for now. She has big blue eyes too and a little mouth. When I look lower, I can see that her curves are not as significant as her neighbor’s. Practically, she has none and it amazes me. The variability of human body seems very big. I type her, like the one before, for and archer or the navigator.

The last one is tall and thin. He has long arms, legs and a long face. He is blond too. Wait, the whole team will be blond? Great, I’ll still be the weirdo. I was hoping that I would meet somebody who looks at least a bit like me, but no. Well, this guy’s hair is a bit different. He has an undercut and the short part is dark brown. It looks strangely amazing. His nose is sharp and thin and his eyes are tawny, like of those elves from Clan of Lynx. His eyebrows are dark and he is scowling. I think he is the light swordsman.

Even though I started thinking about other things, my eyes are still looking at the Undercut guy. There is something buzzing in the back of my head that attracts my attention to him. I examine him again from head to toe and find one new thing on him. There is a long thin scar on the left side of his neck that is glistening in the light of flames. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe somebody cut him with a sword during some fight? My chain of thoughts is interrupted when the Bangs girl steps one step ahead of the other humans, puts her right fist on her heart and left behind her small back and speaks up in perfect elvish.  

I’m taken aback a little, because her voice…she sounds like a guy.

Marco, you bathtub burning idiot, that is a guy!


	2. A Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, I have a [ tumblr ](http://www.yayapear.tumblr.com/)  
> And I made a [ map ](http://yayapear.tumblr.com/post/96868629011/i-spent-an-entire-day-on-doing-this-map-to-my)of the kingdom for better orientation:
> 
> I wish you nice reading :3
> 
> Marco's POV

I know I should be asleep right now, but I’m not. Not that I don’t want to, I just simply can’t fall asleep. The sky has turned dark hours ago and I can see stars out of my window. The sky is so pure and clear. I can hear the hum of trees in the breeze and murmurs of the city below me. Jinae is very quiet in the night. No one is singing on the street, you can’t hear any music made by elves. Only the music made by the night that poets hear while they are falling asleep and they write about it throughout the day. My hand reaches under my night gown and rests on my belly. To welcome the humans there Erwin invited them to join us for the dinner. It was no feast, like the one when the clan leaders come to the palace for the annual meeting, it was a rather small smorgasbord filled with tasty dishes. Only when I saw the food I realized how hungry I was.

The humans had to take a bath first and then they joined us. I could finally see them in full-lit room and I kept looking at them until the end of the dinner. They are so strangely attractive to me. I tried to avoid looking at the Bangs guy. I was afraid that if we made eye contact I would melt into a puddle of shame. At the dinner he didn’t look like a girl at all. He pulled his chin-long hair into a loose ponytail and that revealed his angular jaw. I’m so sorry Bangs guy, I’m so sorry! I must never speak of this in front of him.

I sit up on my bed and look out of the window. I can see the forest waving slowly under the gentle pressure of wind. I crawl out of my bed and sit into the window frame, my legs hanging down from it into the depth under me. I look at the dark city, seeing a spot of light here and there and not thinking of anything in particular. I already thought of everything. Despite of my stomach being full of delicious food, I’m strangely empty. My chest feels constricted and cold inside. I get this feeling every time I look out the window at night, but I’m pretty sure it’s something more now. The fingers on my feet flex and relax every now and then. It is strange how I can feel cold on the inside more than on the outside. I actually can’t feel cold. The fire in my blood prevents me from it, Moblit says. I can feel it when something cold, like metal or ice touches my skin, but the feeling never gets deeper. I’ve never had goosebumps. Also I have never caught cold. But the cold feeling inside compensates it pretty much, thank you.

My chain of thoughts is interrupted, when I spot someone walking out of the palace and crossing the round inner patio. I tilt my head. It’s one of the humans. Maybe the Undercut guy? I don’t know for sure. He seems too skinny to be the Eyebrows guy and too tall to be the Bangs guy. He stops in the middle of the patio and looks around himself. Is he lost or something? I can’t see his face to read his expression, he is too far. He turns his face up and looks at the sky just like I did a while ago. I feel like I should do something, maybe call at him, or wave at least. What if he can’t fall asleep, just like me? Maybe he feels bad and gazing at the night sky makes him feel better, just like it helps me. Maybe it would be good if I went down and talked to him.

 What are you thinking about Marco? You don’t even know his name, he surely won’t be interested in talking to you. Save it for the next time. So I just keep looking at him. He stands there, looking at the stars, his arms wrapped around his torso. I can’t see any of the minuscule moves he surely does, like shuffling his feet or rising and falling of his chest as he breathes, so I imagine those. I try to recall his face. He is the one with amber eyes, right? I think so… I feel the breeze on my cheeks and wonder, if he feels it too. There is a sound of my door being opened and I look behind me quickly, to see the intruder.

 _“Hanji! Why aren’t you asleep already?”_ I ask, my voice loud and filled with surprise. I spot a movement on the patio, so I look back there and see that the Undercut guy must have heard me, because he is looking at me in the window right now. I’m a little stunned by his attention. I shyly raise my hand and give him a little wave. He nods a little and then turns and goes back to palace. Oh, I hope he didn’t think I was yelling at him!

 _“Who are you waving at?”_ Hanji asks curiously, hurries to the window and sees the Undercut guy just before he disappears into the palace. I look at the spot where he was standing and feel the empty bubble in my chest vibrate.

_“Oh, this one. You two talked or something?”_

_“No, he saw me just now. Anyway, why are you not sleeping, Hanji?”_   I can see her smile in the pale moonlight.

_“Erwin had a discussion with Armin about the journey and his plans for it. And I, as the first counselor had to be present. He is a really sweet guy. And his elvish is really good too.”_

_“Who’s Armin?”_ I have a strong suspicion that it will be the Bangs guy.

 _“The little guy with long blond hair, the navigator.”_ Armin…nice name, though. I look at the sky again and feel the light of stars on my face. We are in silence, I am sitting on the windowsill and Hanji is standing next to me, relying on it.

 _“Why did you come?”_ I ask her quietly, not taking my eyes away from the dark sky. She is silent. Her hand is covering her mouth as she thinks, eyes fixed on something that I can’t see. I don’t remember the last time when she was deep in thoughts like this. Maybe she came to say goodbye?

 _“We talked with Armin about the route you’ll be taking and the cities you will visit. He named all the cities, and also Dirnha and Unava. There is a little village between them called Tardide and I want you to go there and find someone.”_ My eyebrows rise. She has never been to the kingdom as far as I know. How could she know someone from that village? Our eyes meet and she says the name.

 _“Please, do it Marco. It’s for your own good.”_ I am confused.

_“B-but why? Who is that? And how do you know about-“_

_“Just do it, okay? Everything will be explained to you once you get there.”_ I give her a long look. I am searching for the answers in her eyes, but find none as always. I nod.

_“Also, the protection will grow weak outside the Selsa forest. Don’t get into any trouble. And be careful.”_

_“I will be. I promise.”_ I say.

 _“I hope so.”_ There is another stretched silence.

 _“I am frightened.”_ I whisper and Hanji tilts her head. All the things that I wanted to say today are suddenly crawling up my throat and spilling out of my mouth.

 _“I’m so scared Hanji. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I don’t want to leave you. I can’t imagine my life without you and Moblit and everyone else. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want this to happen, I want to stay here and live the life that I had until now. I just- I just”_ I am choking on my own sobs. Why is Hanji always the one who has to deal with my mess? Why can’t I be stronger for her? Why am I so weak?

Maybe it is true that I will be of better use when I interblend with the dragon.

I can feel her soft fingers on my shoulders and she takes me into her arms soothingly. I put my arms around her waist and she places my head so I can listen to her heart. The familiar fragrance of her body soothes my mind and I feel like a child again. As far as I can remember, she always did this when I was upset, she always let me listen to her heartbeat. Her fingers are running through my hair gently and I can feel my shoulders relaxing. I didn’t even realize they were tense. I can feel the wet stains that my tears are leaving on her white dress.

 _“Oh Marco…”_ She coos and holds me tighter. My back is shivering and I take deep breaths to calm myself. Get yourself together, Marco. You shouldn’t be doing this, carry on. But on the other hand, this feels so good. To be held close to her chest, soothed and cared about.

 _“I don’t want you to leave as well. I will miss you so much. We don’t have another choice, unfortunately,”_ she takes my chin with her fingers and raises it so I look into her eyes framed by the glasses, _“I will never forget you, Marco. I will remember you until the end of my days, no matter what you will be like when you return from the north. You will be remembered. Never forgotten. I will think of you every day.”_ She says.

I nod sadly. I don’t know if I should say anything, because I feel like I would start crying again if I did. I wipe the little tears from her cheeks and she smiles faintly. I feel my eyes stinging and eyelids getting heavier. The bed finally seems inviting. We pull away from each other, I stand up from the windowsill and head to the bed.

 _“Could you stay with me a little longer?”_ I ask from under the quilts.

 _“I can stay until you fall asleep if you want me to.”_ She says and sits on the corner of my bed. I nod and feel her fingers stroking my hair.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning passes very quickly. I wake up with the sun. I get dressed. I run a hand through my hair slovenly. I don’t even remember what I had for breakfast, it didn’t have any taste anyway. All I know is that now I’m in front of the palace holding Tilkrin’s leash as my luggage is being attached to her back. My jaw tightens when I realize, that all the things I will ever need are packed into two medium bags and one rucksack. The escort is here as well, waiting for their horses to be led out of the palace’s stable. I feel light tickle of air on the crook of my neck as Tilkrin sniffs it and looks at me with her big brown eye.  I nuzzle my forehead right under it and I listen to her slow even breathing. But we don’t last too long anyway.

“What is taking them so long? Can’t we go already?” It is the very first time I can hear the speech of humans from someone other than Hanji. It was the man with big muscles. The Eyebrows guy, as I named him yesterday, has his arms crossed over his broad chest and his eyes are searching for their horses. The Undercut guy looks at him, snorts and decides to sit on the pavement, where he crosses his legs and his hand props up his chin.

“Yeah, but what did you expect from them? I told you yesterday that your plan to leave early can go to trash, because they are going to be too slow in the morning.” He addresses it to the Bangs guy…Armin, that’s his name, right?

“I am sure that they are not doing it on purpose,” Armin says, looking quickly at the Undercut guy, “and stand up, you shouldn’t be sitting there.”

“Why?” he whines with annoyance, but does as he is told. Armin just sigs.

“Because it’s impolite.” He mutters and keeps waiting. Undercut guy just bites his lip and examines his nails. I feel the soft buzzing in the back of my head again and I realize that he is staring at me. Well, at Tilkrin to be exact.

“I’d rather know why the Sissy prince has his horse ready and we don’t.” He said. I felt like annoyance was flowing out of every pore of this young man’s body. I frown lightly.

“Jean, please.” The Blue eyed girl says flatly with a cold voice. If this doesn’t shut him up, than I don’t know what else possibly could. She looks quite dangerous now, far away from the impression she was giving out yesterday. Jean purses his lips and stays quiet, but still glares at Tilkrin. What’s the matter with him? They all look like they walked into the new day with the wrong foot. All of them are frowning and tense, little beads of sweat are forming on their foreheads from the pesky morning sun.

We don’t wait much longer. The clip-clop of horse hooves is heard from behind the palace wall at first, but then we see four elves leading four horses. Funny how tiny they are compared to Tilkrin! She is at least eleven inches taller in the withers then them. I watch the escort check the luggage attached on their horses. Blue eyed girl and Eyebrows guy make a quick look-through and mount their horses, Armin pats his brown one on the neck and Jean gently greets his with caresses and starts to talk to him in low voice. Big brown eyes are watching his long face and the horse never nudges him away or snorts. Features on Jean’s face soften and I think he feels comfortable for the first time since I met him. Which was…twelve hours ago? I should stop thinking about these little irrelevant things and concentrate. Concentrate…on what? I remember only when my foot slips into the stirrup wrongly for the fourth damn time. I have a bad feeling that the humans are waiting only for me. I look at them. They are. I mount Tilkrin as fast as I can and look at the palace. I can see Erwin and Hanji in front of the main gate and walking towards us to say goodbye for the last time. Hanji touches the fabric of my luggage and avoids my gaze.

_“I packed you some more biscuits.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“Remember what I told you yesterday.”_

_“I will.”_ Silence. What else is there to say?

 _“Farewell. I wish you good luck.”_ Erwin says. His expression is made of stone like always. I can’t tell what he is really thinking.

 _“Thank you.”_ I answer. The humans are looking at us impatiently and Tilkrin moves forward a little bit. It’s time to go now. All the horses head away from the palace and towards the port. Armin is leading us and I still can’t tear my eyes away from Hanji and Erwin.

I turn away from them when I feel tears forming in my eyes. Stop it Marco, stop being a crying mess. You knew this moment would come, how are you not ready for this? I take a big breath, straighten my back and raise my head up high. You can do it Marco. Yes I can do it.

We ride the shortest way to Jinae port through the east district. Unfortunately. Lots of elves are standing on their porches, watching us silently from the distance. There are no cheers or happy waving. I know nearly every face from the crowd. There’s Haryk and Ivran, woodcravers. Ashlin and Erinor with their son Hagmer. Phraan, who is cleaning his hands from the dirt from his garden. Alred, Sigred and Kanred, the only triplets ever born in Jinae. I remember the fuss when they were born. Their mother Karmilla looks quite tired from taking care of them. Their father Jonik is an officer in the Dottirian forest army, but he is nowhere to be seen now. I see the woman who was teaching her son to play harp yesterday. Strange that she came to see me, I don’t even know her name. And even Belaurd with his family came. Oh, I still haven’t opened the gift he gave me. I should do it when we’ll be on the ship, I’ll have enough time then. I try to make my smile less strained, but I can’t really do it. Suddenly I feel reluctant to Jinae and I wish I was on the ship already, miles and miles away from the coast of the island. I feel my hands heating up. Let this be over, please.

Armin somehow sensed my discomfort, because he spurred his horse and started to gallop, all the others following his lead. Or we might be in hurry, I don’t know. The road doesn’t take much longer, in short time we can finally see the grayish-blue sea colored by the morning sun and the wooden pillars supporting the piers. The stone tiles on the road switch quickly to wooden boards that create a big semi-circular patio with old food or souvenir stands. Tall buildings hemming the patio, now forlorn, but then used to be trade centres, taverns or quarters for travelers. Some years ago other elves used to come to Jinae from Selsa forest cities, or even from the land beyond the Flare archipelago. But as the kingdom began to guard their water borders more thoroughly and to raise the toll for crossing it they stopped coming. That made the city’s income smaller along with the raising taxes that the humans make us pay. And the money shortage reflects on how the port looks now. Shops are closed or barely functioning, the port is abandoned and begins to crumble. Ships are anchored and the only permanent connexion is from here to Faellume once a day. If I wanted to travel abroad I’d have to go to Sina or Zhigansina first. But today the ship sails earlier and it is reserved only for us, thanks to Erwin. We slow down and enter the patio, the knocking sound of the horse hooves changes to a duller one when they step on salt water soaked wooden planks.

“Do you think they really kept their promise?” Jean asks and points on the guards in front of the ship with his chin. Others look there as well.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t. It doesn’t look like there would be someone here to steal our stuff from the ship anyway.” Says the eyebrows guy while riding his horse through the patio. The air smells of salt, rotting wood and seaweed. I can’t smell any fish, fortunately. We cross the patio and head towards the pier where our ship is anchored. I can see the ship swinging on the water, going up and down and riding quite big waves. It wasn’t so windy in the city, but here, where are no trees the northern wind surprises us. It’s quite strong and I hope it is blowing in the right direction and our sail won’t last for long. We dismount our horses, untie our luggage from them and hand their leads to the ship crew that will lead them into the stable cabin. It looks like I’m more scared of the wildly jumping boat than the horses are. This will be my first sail. Ever. It’s a shame, but until now I have never left Jinae. The bridge leading to the ship is narrow, so we go in one by one.  Eyebrows guy and Blue eyed girl stay behind and let me go before them. I look at the simple wooden plank drenched in water. Looks quite…slippery to me. I carefully step on the plank and bite my lip. Why? I look at the deck and I can see that Jean and Armin are already there. Armin is discussing something with the helmsman, but Jean is looking at me with his eyebrows raised. Damn it, I’m too slow, too awkward… I feel my palms heating up. Wait. Yes! I fearlessly walk across the bridge without any damage. I look at it from the deck and see my dry footprints significantly lighter than the wet wood. I smile. Eyebrows guy and Blue eyed girl walk across it without noticing. I set my luggage at the floor and scan the ship with my gaze. It’s long and thin with two tall masts and white sails rolled up high. Excitement flutters inside me and I caress the smooth wooden railing on the edge of the deck. I wonder how fast the ship will be. Armin finishes his debate with the helmsman and comes to us.

“Okay, now we have four hours until we reach Faellume. The wind has gone stronger than yesterday, which is good for our schedule. I think that today we can even reach Oashara if we are smart enough.” Armin explains.

“So what do we do now?” Asks the Eyebrows guy.

“You can just go to your cabins, the same ones as yesterday.”

“And our weapons?” 

“Captain said we’ll get them when we reach Faellume.” Armin says with a grimace and the rest of the escort sighs. Armin frowns.

“Don’t give me those looks. I can’t argue with them, it’s their-“

“Armin,” the Blue eyed girl spoke up and Armin looked at her, “we understand.” Armin smiles at her brightly.

“Thank you. So, now you can go, I’ll come later after I tell…him the instructions in elvish.” The others turn away and Armin faces me.

_“My apologies, but I overheard your name.”_

“It’s Marco. There’s no need for elvish, I understood you.” Armin looks at me in surprise, his mouth opened a little.

The sails roll down from the masts and the ship moves. The northern wind hits our faces and ruffles Armin’s long hair in a funny way. He reaches for it, rolls down some stretchy bracelet from his wrist and ties his hair into a ponytail again.

“My name is Armin Arlert, pleasure to meet you.” He says and smiles. I see his right hand twitch, but it stays at his side. Strange. The wind grows stronger and water splashes on the deck. Some drops hit my skin but dry away almost immediately. We talk. He is very polite and I feel uneasy a little, because the conversation doesn’t flow. It’s constricted. I think he’d much rather join other humans instead of being here with me. And I’m not angry about it, of course not! I understand it. I’m looking for a way how to end the conversation when I notice he is shivering.

“Are you cold?” He nods and pulls his arms a little closer to his torso.

“Let’s go inside, okay?” I say and he chuckles. I look at him in confusion. He notices my look and chuckles again.

“It’s just… You said ‘okay” He says with a grin.

“So?” I still don’t get it. He says something but a blow of wind takes his words away. We take our luggage and head towards the door leading to the second deck. When we are finally inside he sets the bags at the floor and looks at me again.

“I never expected meet an elf who speaks human, that’s the first thing. And secondly… okay! That sounds so… I don’t even know.”

“Weird?” I say with a drop of fear.

“No, no! It’s unnatural…In a good way, I mean. It’s surprising.” He is beaming now. Funny how such a little word made him so excited. I think he thought that I would be some proud and noble elf with long platinum hair and unbreakable manners. But it’s just…me.

He leads me to an unoccupied cabin and we part. I don’t know if he’ll join the others or go to his cabin, but that doesn’t concern me right now. I know that I want to be alone for a while. And yes, I want to finally take a look at the package Belaurd gave me. There is a single bed attached to the wooden wall and a little round window in the height of my eyes. I throw my stuff at the floor, grab my rucksack and I open it. The package is quite easy to find and I pull it out and shake away little crumbles of cookies that must have cracked on our way. Pity. I untie the string keeping the cloth covering the package together. It falls apart easily and I see a thick book bound in dark brown leather with ornaments craved shallowly into it. I hold my breath and open it to see someone’s handwriting on the very first page.

_I know that one’s head can’t contain wisdom forever, so here is this little helper. Take care. Moblit._

I smile and turn the pages one by one. It’s an illustrated herbarium with tips how to collect herbs, how the treatment should be performed and the handwriting is still the same. Moblit wrote me a book and gave me all the skills he had. I smooth the pages thoughtfully and stare at the wall against me. How long did he have to collect all the information to this book? Or rather, when did he start to write it? It must have taken a very long time and all the time he was aware that I was going to leave. He must have thought about it with every word he wrote, every time he set the quill on the paper. I realize that he kept his word today. He never showed up. I lay myself down on the hard bed and start to read through the herbarium, rehearsing old facts and craving the images of the pages inside my head. The ship is rocking from side to side lightly, sometimes throws itself on one or other side and it makes me feel sleepy. It doesn’t take long time until I fall into a light dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

 

I wake up because of a sharp knock and I have no idea of what could possibly have made it. I prop my torso up on my elbows drowsily and look around the empty cabin. What? There’s nobody in here. I look at the door.

“Hello?”

 _“Who is it_?”

Still nothing. It must have been a dream or something. I decide to lay down again when my eye registers a dark object on the floor. Moblit’s book must have fallen down from my chest as I dozed off. I pick it up, blow off the dust, lie down and put it on my chest again. I stare into the ceiling and wonder how much I have slept. How long until we reach Faellume? I hear the high waves collide against the side of the ship, deeply and evenly. I can’t say that it doesn’t make me sleepy again. My eyes sting and I listen to the sounds around me. It’s like the sea was breathing…And somebody in the other room was laughing. I shoot up from the bed and clutch the book to my chest. The laugh is loud and quite annoying. I set the book back on the bed and cautiously walk out of my cabin. The laughter changes into a muffled talking and now I’m sure that it’s one of the humans. I go against the door at the end of the thin hallway and rest my hand in the middle of the polished wood of the door. Should I go inside? Will they even be interested in me? On the other hand, I’ll be spending the last days of my life with them so I should at least try to befriend them. I push the door open slowly, the voices getting louder. As I pop my head inside they stop talking immediately. All of them are sitting around a round table in a common cabin and now they are looking at me. I don’t know what I should do. Go in? Or back away apologizing that I have mistaken the door? C’mon Marco, think!

“I told you not to laugh so loudly or you’ll wake him up. Now he’s here!” Jean splutters bitterly. Ouch. Armin’s eyes widen and his hand covers his mouth. His big blue eyes look alternately on me and on Jean. I swallow the soreness in my mouth and it settles in my chest instead.

“I…I’m sorry. I’ll go back to my cabin then.” I say and I can’t really hide that I’m upset. I look at them once again and notice that they are surprised, only Armin still looks mortified. Something twitches in Jean’s face and tips of his ear change to red. He is glued to the chair he is sitting in and doesn’t seem like moving any time soon. Eyebrows guy looks at him, frowns and hits his shoulder. Jean snaps and looks at the Eyebrows guy and shrugs quickly. He rolls his eyes at Jean and then turns to me.

“Don’t mind him, come sit with us.” He says and pulls another chair to the table. I smile and sit on it gladly, maybe a bit too hurriedly but it doesn’t matter right now. The Blue eyed girl crosses her legs and relies on the back of the chair.

“We should probably introduce ourselves. My name is Reiner. That’s Jean,” I can see Reiner’s right hand twitch the same way as Armin’s when we were on the deck. What is wrong with them?

“Hi.” He says with a raspy voice, eyes fixed on the floor.

 “Annie,”

“Hello.” She says without much of an interest.

“And I don’t think that I have to introduce Armin.”

“Yes, we’ve already met.” Armin smiles on my response and relaxes. They fall back into the conversation they had before I came into the common cabin and I listen. They talk like I wasn’t there, but in the good way, you know. It’s not like they are trying to hide something from me, or being careful with their words around me. I’m really glad that it turned out this way.

It doesn’t take much more until we can see the shore and a tall frame of Faellume lighthouse. Armin looks out of the window and pulls out a big round golden medallion from under his tunic. It is hanging on a thin golden chain around his neck and when he opens the lid it makes a strange sound. It takes me a while to distinguish it from the sound of waves, but it’s like a ticking of a tiny clock along with thousands of bug feet scratching the insides. It’s very metallic, but also strongly organic and I’ve never heard something like that before. I’m sure that it contains some kind of magic. Armin looks at it like he’s reading it and then he looks at us.

“All right, we will be reaching the city in less than thirty minutes, according to the state of wind and the angle in which it’s hitting the sail. Let’s split into our cabins, pack all things up and meet at the deck in ten minutes.” Armin suggests and then we go out of the common cabin.

My packing doesn’t take much time. I drag my stuff to the door and then I sit back on the bed and think of a way how to kill some time. The solution to my problem comes in a form of a knock on the door. I open it without hesitation and I’m surprised when, of all people, I see Jean.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Am I supposed to say something else?

“I-um…Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure.”

“Listen, I…about what I said before. Forget it, okay? I didn’t mean it.” He says quietly and avoids my eyes.

“You didn’t?”

“No. I thought that you’d come and nag about us being too loud, or something. That’s why I said…what I said. Plus, I didn’t even know that you would understand me!” He says and finally raises his glance to meet my eyes. I nod and open the door a bit wider.

“Are we good?” I ask him and he looks at me with surprise.

“What do you mean? Well, I should be asking _you_ , if we’re good ‘cause it would make perfect sense if you were hating me right now.”

“No, no! It would make sense, though, but I don’t hate you.” He nods a few times and then smiles a little. His face gets a very different charm when he smiles, that’s a fact.

“Well, I think we should get a fresh start. Aehm, I’m Jean Kirschtein, I’m a mercenary from royal corps  and I’ll be guiding you to the north.”

“Marco.” I say. Jean smiles smugly and leans against the doorframe.

“So, Marco. What brings a prince of elves on a journey like this?” Now what should I say. The goal of this whole thing is to make me the most brutal warrior who destroys all enemies of elves, ergo, the humans, and break the elves free. I think the whole truth would make him way too uneasy. Instead, I choose other tactic.

“I’m not a prince.”

“You’re not?”

“No. There’s no prince. Erwin doesn’t have children of his own.”

“Then who are you?”

“I-nobody. I just grew up there.” Jean cocks his eyebrow with a light smile.

“You mean that you are just a random guy, who got to live in king’s palace by a lucky coincidence?”

Well, you could say that, but I wouldn’t agree with the term _lucky._

“Basically…” I mutter and Jean snorts.

“Whatever you say, man. So, about the journey-”

“Armin navigates, right?” Jean, could you please stop heading for that topic? It would be much easier. He looks a bit perplexed at first, but then he answers.

“Yeah, Armin is good in this stuff. I don’t know why he still carries all those maps with him, he remembers them all anyway.”

“Does he?”

“Seems like it to me. He even packed some maps of the Rose kingdom, even though we won’t go that way.” He says with a chuckle, but my eyes widen. I’ve never seen a map of other kingdom, than the kingdom of Three Walls.

“Do you think he would show me?” I ask, maybe a bit too eagerly.

“Sure he would. I think he’d do anything _you_ asked him to. You should have seen him when he heard about this mission for the first time. He was like: oh God! Elves! I’ll finally meet some!” Jean chuckles and shakes his head. “Hell, he even volunteered to go.” He says, with a grin.

“You mean…you didn’t volunteer?” his grin fades and I practically hear the ‘oh shit’ bouncing around his mind.

“I-well we got an order…None of us really wanted to…Well, never mind that Marco, we had doubts, but I told you already, you look like a cool guy, so it shouldn’t be that bad…”

That… doesn’t make me feel much better. I think that Jean gets it too. He is biting his lip and looking at the ground again with a scowl. And here comes the uncomfortable silence again. Can’t say I missed it. We just stand there, both looking at the ground and shuffling our feet occasionally. I know that we should talk it out and make it better, but I don’t really know how. This is not what I expected, although I don’t remember expecting anything. Jean takes a breath and it attracts my attention.

“So, about the-“

“Jean, c’mon, we have to pick up our gear!” Armin calls after him from the deck and Jean closes his mouth.

“Coming!”He looks away, dodges himself off the doorframe and walks to his cabin to take his stuff. I leave my door open, grab my luggage and leave my cabin. I go up the stairs and the salty smell of sea becomes richer. There’s a small pile of human belongings right under the main mast, but there’s no sight of them. I turn my head to look towards the shore to see towers of Faellume for the first time. The city looks smaller than Jinae, but holds the glory anyway. It doesn’t spread much along the shore, it goes rather narrowly towards the lonely hill two or three miles from the shore. The houses spiral up the hill and their white façade shines like a beacon in the afternoon sun. There are other houses under the mountain, sitting between the trees like mushrooms. The main road seems to lead all the way through the city, starting in the port and ending on the top of the hill. The whole city is brighter than Jinae, it misses the dusty feeling.

“Don’t! Put it down until I’m asking you politely!”

“Geez Reiner. It’s on my stuff, I’m just moving it.”

“Put. It. Down.”

“Here you go!”

The door to the storage room opens a bit more and four mountains of leather and steel crawl out. The biggest one collapses next to me, Reiner suddenly appears and begins to pick up various metal pieces.

“There’s loads of stuff I don’t mind Jean,” he says as he straps on his forearm armor, “but I don’t want anyone to touch my shit, my sword prior.” He gives it a final tug and glares at Jean, who’s currently  sticking out of another pile of armor and weapons. His jaw tightens. He sure wanted to make some snarky comment, but after receiving an ice-cold glare from Annie he changed his mind. Jean’s frown deepens and he digs through his pile in attempt to find a shoulder plate. It must be such a drag to travel through the whole country in armor. Have you ever tried to put it on and walk around a room in it? It’s some heavy stuff, I tell you. Not to mention putting it on. Truth to be told, I’m kind of glad that I don’t have to go through this.

Gearing up didn’t take half of the time I thought it would. Soon the boat was behind us and we are mounting the horses again. Armin takes out the strange medallion and reads the insides, biting at his lip absently. The noise is present again. Thousands of bugs scratching against the golden walls. Ugh. I’m relieved when Armin closes the silly thing and without a word spurs his horse.

“In form!” Reiner commands from behind me and I don’t understand at first. Only when Annie and Jean take places at my sides I realize that we have to keep a formation. Well, they have to. To protect me.  Now we are in inlands. From now on it will be only me and them, trying to get my butt in one piece from one corner of the country to another. Until now it seemed like a dream. It was slow and unrealistic.

The dream ended when Reiner shouted “in form!”.


	3. The Main Road Through Selsa

We spent seven hours in the saddles. Seven. Fricking. Hours. I thought that we would spend more time in Faellume, but we just bolted through and took the main road to Oashara along the Drynstill river. Armin was in the lead and he picked a very fast pace. We were quiet during the whole ride, the forest was still the same and the rhythm in which my body was thrown up and down was monotone. To be honest, it was boring. My mind had to focus on one thing only:  Follow Armin. And don’t fall, of course.  We stopped three times to eat and rest in silence, each break ten minutes long. It didn’t take long until my body started to hurt. Everywhere. When the light began to die out Reiner finally suggested stopping for today and looking for some place to wait out the night. We found a small clearing few yards from the main road that will serve us as a camping place for tonight. I peel myself down from Tilkrin’s back with as much grace as possible, which means that I slump down like a bag of potatoes. My legs are in terrible state. I can still feel Tilkrin’s wide back between them and I can’t pull them together. My hip muscles are pulsing and twitching as I drain last drops of energy to walk from Tilkrin to… where?

That tree looks comfortable.

I wobble to the nearest tree and slowly sit on the ground while propping on the tree so I don’t fall. The burning in my hips strengthens and I hiss in pain. Who’s idea was this? I look at the humans, and I’m quite relieved that they are in the same state as I am. Tired, ruined, but still on their feet and undressing their horses. I should probably do the same, but… I’m glued to the ground and I can’t find the will to stand up. Sorry Tilkrin, you’ll have to wait. She nickers lowly to get my attention and comes closer. She throws her head around in a strange motion and her bridle lands in my lap. You little brainy rip, did you read my thoughts? Of course she doesn’t want to wait.

 _“At least help me stand up.”_ I mutter and grip the bridle. Tilkrin pulls back and with our forces joined I make it into vertical position again. I put her gear down and hang it on a tree branch to dry off.  After a whole day of galloping and trotting Tilkrin sure shed some sweat. She nudges my shoulder thankfully and I brush my fingers through her short white fur. She’s tired I see it in her eyes. I jump when I hear Reiner’s voice.

“I’m calling meal.” We all look at him, but I seem to be the only one who doesn’t understand.

“Fire.” Annie says and heads deeper into the forest.

“Horses.” Jean calls. Armin just nods, takes a thick green blanket out of his bag, folds it into a neat square and puts it on the ground. Then he digs through another bag and takes out two small and one medium scroll. He spreads them out on the ground, sits on the blanket and begins to study them in the little of light that still remains from the day. My hand that was rubbing absently at Tilkrin’s chest suddenly has nothing to grip on. She went away from me and now follows Jean and other four horses to the forest. What did just happen?

“He’s taking them to river to clean them up. Don’t worry, they’ll be back.” Reiner assures me. He must have seen the puzzlement on my face. I look at the bridle hanging from a tree branch.

“Did she follow him just like that?” I sit down a bit closer to him.

“All the horses did. It’s always like this. It’s like he has some charm or lever on them.” He says, takes out a carrot from one of his bags and begins to clean it.

“How is that possible?” I’m still awe. How could she just run off and follow him? She barely knows that guy.

“Dunno. Natural talent?” He shrugs. “I don’t care as far it’s working out. We’ve never had problems with runaway horses since Jean joined our regiment.” He says and draws a small chopping board and a knife out of his bag.

“What’s for dinner?” Armin asks inattentively, still focused on the maps stretched in front of him. Reiner throws the chopped carrots into a brass cauldron and takes out potatoes.

“Soup. With vegetables. The elves were quite generous with it, packed us a whole pile of it. You guys aren’t big fans of meat, are you?”

“No, not really.” I mutter and watch how fast his hands peel the potato. Armin stretches his back and pulls the other map closer to him. His finger travels from one place to another, connects some dots on the paper and stops on one of them. He taps it twice and then looks at Reiner.

“How long will the food last? I’m thinking of stopping at the garrison in Agloson to resupply.”

“Let me see…” Reiner sets down the knife and wipes the potato juice in his trousers. He grabs the bag and starts rummaging through it. “We have… biscuits, crackers…rice…oatmeal , nuts, lentils, dried fruit, buttload of vegetables and those funky smelling sweets that we got from that merchant in Tarnya.”

“Wasn’t that like a year ago?” Armin asks with a concerned frown.

“Exactly. No one touched them since. And that aside… we’ve got jerky. Want some?” Armin nods and Reiner throws a long piece of dark dried meat at him. He catches it and begins to nibble at it.

“So, according to you…”

“Five days..” Reiner goes back to the chopping board and cuts the potato in half.

“You are not counting the sweets in, are you?” Armin deadpans and Reiner laughs and shakes his head.

“I’d throw something at you, but the only thing near me right now is this knife.” They both burst into giggles. Armin shakes his head and focuses on the maps again and frowns a little.

“We should definitely stop at Agloson.”

“And before that?”

“What do you mean, before that?”

“Where do we get our supplies before we reach Agloson?” Armin just gives Reiner a long look.

“Nowhere! We go straight to the garrison.” Reiner’s eyebrows fly high.

“Didn’t our way from Agloson to Jinae take us, like, eight and half days? There’s no way the food would last that much.”

“Yes, that is true, unless we go faster.  I’m thinking of four days.” Armin says and Reiner whistles.

“That’s kinda harsh. I…Armin I don’t want to criticize your plan, but I don’t think we’ll handle it. You’ve set a very fast pace today and when I think of keeping it for another four days… All the blisters from friction, spasms, muscle fever…Somebody might get hurt. Remember how bad Mina and Hitch were when they came back from Zhigansina?”

“I remember.” Armin says with a frown. Until now I only listened to their conversation, but Reiner has set my curiosity off. Who were Hitch and Mina? And what happened when they came back?

“What happened to them?” I ask and Reiner looks at me with a bit of surprise. Maybe he didn’t think that I would be interested in what he was saying.

“ Hitch and Mina are mercs, like us, and they were serving in Zhigansina…year and a half ago? They received a call-up from our regiment in Agloson, which said that they had to report as soon as possible. They took a six-day route in three days.” I winced at this part. That can’t be healthy.

“Things got nasty when they arrived. Completely broken down, every move they made hurt them. Hitch broke her hand on the way, when she fell from her horse. And the worst part was, when Mina went down from her horse. In the moment she landed on the ground, there was a loud snap and she couldn’t stand anymore. When we took her to barber he said, that she had the ugliest hamstring strain he’s ever seen. She had to use crutches to walk for the next month and had to have a calm regime for the next two.” Reiner ends and looks at Armin, who just glares at his piece of jerky. I swallow.

“That’s horrible.” I say.

“Tell me about it. I still get goosebumps when I think of the snap. Or her scream…Ugh.” Reiner shivers. At this point Armin glares at the jerky harder and puts it away. It’s no surprise, I would lose appetite as well.

“Why did you take her to the barber though? What does he know about healing?” I ask. Armin’s eyes light up a bit.

“We don’t have healers like you do. Barbers heal cuts, fractures, injuries in general. Then we have physicians, who take care of sick people.” He explains. Strange. Why would they have two different people to take care of you, when there’s something wrong with you? Also, I can’t imagine coming to barber’s house with a deep cut and waiting in the same room as people, who just want to have their beard maintained. I think of the differences between human and elvish healing. We mostly use herbs. There are even healers who can heal with magic, but there’s very few of them. I heard of one form Galvesari, who didn’t have to touch his patients to heal them.

“Why do we need to be in Agloson so soon in the first place?” Reiner asks. Armin takes a while until he answers. He leans closer to the map and lowers his voice.

“It’s not about Agloson, it’s about this forest. We’ve been watched since we left Faellume.” Reiner’s eyes widen.

“Really?” He whispers back, sitting perfectly still and chopping the potatoes.

“Yes. The elves have been following us the whole way. We are not welcome here, and even though I want to stay longer, we have to get out of here as soon as possible.”

 

Flames touch the brass bottom of the cauldron and the soup bubbles lazily. We are sitting impatiently around the fire, waiting for the food to be done. The smell of boiled vegetables reminds me of Moblit’s home and the last time we talked. Now it seems so far away, almost ancient. I wiggle on the folded blanket beneath me and keep staring at the cauldron. Reiner stirs the soup slowly with a judging look on his face, almost like he is waiting for a special moment when the soup reaches it’s top quality. I doubt that repeating three stirs to right and two to left will make it any tastier, but I don’t want to tease Reiner about it. He looks like that kind of guy that is all fun and games until you make him angry, in which case he’ll decapitate you. Erwin is a similar case, except that he is cold and stoic for most of the time. I was never able to read him, Hanji could, but I didn’t have a chance. I look into the fire and feel a connection between me and the weightless flames. My own skin starts to feel different, like a significant part of it became to vibrate and slowly disappear.  Thousands of invisible ants are running underneath my skin and it is oddly good. I know that these flames are in my hands now, I can do whatever I want with them. I wonder if the food would be done sooner if I strengthened them.  It would, but I doubt that it would go unnoticed, and I don’t want to draw too much attention. I don’t know how long I will be able to hide my abilities from them, but I certainly want it to be the longest time possible. I don’t want to be the weird one again. What kind of reaction would they have? Amazed? Scared? Insecure? I’d rather not risk it.

“Annie could you pass me the bowls?” Reiner asks when the soup is done and Annie shuffles to his bag, trying to find the bowls. She takes them out, old shabby wooden bowls with no significant décor. They look nothing like those in palace, or in Moblit’s cottage. Reiner takes them all in one hand and spares them a swift glance, but then he stops.

“Five.”

“Huh?” Annie gives him a look, in which you can see puzzlement if you look hard enough.

“We need five, not four.” He says quietly, looking somewhat reproachfully at Annie.

“Right.” She says flatly and draws another one from the bag. The atmosphere tenses a bit. Armin gives me another stressed look, checking my reaction. My face is still. Play it cool, Marco, you knew this would happen. It’s your first night together, no big deal. It would be a big deal if they kept forgetting about you in the future days, but that’s not going to happen. Right? Reiner hands me the soup and I thank him. I whirl the bowl and watch the vortex of chopped potatoes, carrot and yellow juice. Steam hits my face and it doesn’t feel very hot. Little droplets condense on my cheeks and I rub them away. My fingers linger there and I trace the rim of The Mark. I’m glad that the humans didn’t have any weird comments or glares towards it. I think it’s because they don’t know the meaning of it, not even the ‘elf freak’ Armin.

“Nice tattoo you’ve got there.” Jean says and points at his eye. And there we go with no comments or remarks.

“I- thanks.” I stutter, not sure if I should correct him or not. I don't have any tattoos and I can’t have any. Erwin said that it would be a defilement of the Dragonblessed’s vessel. Not that I ever asked him about it.

“Why did you, of all places, choose your eye?” Jean shuffles a bit closer and tilts his head to examine it.

“I didn’t…what?” He cocks his eyebrow.

“Your eye. Why did you get it inked all around it. First: it must have hurt like bitch. And second…” Jean would continue if his gaze didn’t trail off to Armin. He is sitting out of my vision so I turn my head and catch the last glimpse of his ‘are you insane!?’ look that changes into a innocent smile right after I set my eyes on him. He shouldn’t make such a big deal out of everything involving me. They don’t have to walk on tiptoes around me. I don’t want the first conversation of this evening to end after two sentences.

“Yeah? What’s the second point?” I try to sound interested in Jean’s arguments as much as possible, encouraging him.

“Well, you don’t seem like a tattoo person. Or if you did, I would say something subtle, not…this. This hits you right in the face. Take Armin, for example. Most people don’t even know that he has one.” He finishes with a hint of a smile. Reiner’s head jerks up from his cooling soup and his eyes are wide.

“Armin is inked?!” He says with a mixture of disbelief and shock. Annie’s eyes widen a tiny bit.

“Of course no! Jean is just making stuff up, like always.” Armin defends himself and Jean smirks. He leans a bit closer and lowers his voice.

“He got drunk on the graduation night and got his mom’s name tattooed above his ass-cheek.” I snort. Armin shakes his head in disbelief and Reiner laughs.

“Yeah, graduation, what a night. I wouldn’t be all surprised if it was true.” Reiner says with a content smile.

“Which it isn’t, because Jean is lying.” Armin says and I snort again.

“I might be…” Jean says innocently and swirls his soup with a mysterious smile.

“You got into a fight with someone that night, didn’t you?” Reiner asks and Jean’s smile fades a bit.

“I did, yeah.”

“Who was that?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Nope.”

“How can you not remember?”

“Dude, I had four beers in me and fifth one was in the process. I had other things on my mind, than keeping track of other people in the hall.”

“Typical you.” Jean snaps with a sarcastic smirk. Reiner just waves his hand at him.

“Shut up. So who was it?” Jean’s mouth tightens a bit and after a beat of a silence he speaks up with a quieter voice.

“Eren.” Realization comes across Reiner’s face and his eyes dart to Armin for a split second. Nothing long, no staring, just a check. Whoever the Eren guy was, they seem to have hit a raw nerve in Armin. His face changes, the alert spark in his eyes disappears and he zones out for a moment. He allows his face to show a hint of pain for a mere moment. The others sit quietly, trying not to look at Armin. I can feel the awkwardness too, so I look away.

“Marco?” Armin says with surprisingly strong voice. I look back at him.

“Yes?”

“I’d like to ask you a question.”

“Go ahead.” I say after a while of silence, filled with curiosity.

“Have you ever heard anything about Eren Jaeger or Mikasa Ackerman?” The others have their eyes on Armin. I look down on my hands, trying to remember whether someone has ever mentioned one of those names.

“No I haven’t.” Armin nods in understanding and blows on his soup. I’d like to know more. Who are they? It is a touchy topic, I know, but he can’t leave me like this. I ask him and he sets the soup on his lap.

“Eren and Mikasa are our fellow soldiers. We lost touch with them when they were on a mission four years ago. I was hoping you’d have something that would lead us to them, but it turned out the same way as always. You have never heard of them.” He is keeping his voice casual, but it still hurts. He isn’t blaming me for not knowing where his friends are, but it feels like it.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help.” Armin looks up from the soup and gives me a smile.

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago.” He says and looks into the flames.

“We will find them one day.” Annie says, still looking at Armin with compassionate eyes. Armin smiles softly at her and she looks away. The encouragement, even as simple as that, warms my heart. I know that it wasn’t just an idle promise. Annie wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t mean it. I might know her only for something more than one day, but I know she is that kind of person. Armin sure knows it too, that’s why he relaxes a bit more.

We eat the dinner in silence. My legs still hurt, but now, when I gave them some rest, it isn’t as bad as it was. I feel fatigue growing stronger and stronger inside me and I’m not the only one. Armin draws the maps back into his backpack and rubs his eyes. I don’t protest when he suggests we go to sleep. We spread our blankets on the ground and I lie on them. It’s hard and I think there’s a pebble under my blanket, but it’ll do. Armin and Reiner lie next to me and Jean lies next to Armin, so we form a line on one side of the fireplace. Only then I notice that one of us isn’t getting ready for sleep. I raise my head and look at Annie, who is gearing up. She puts on a chest padding and a special sleeve on her left forehand and takes her bow. The weak embers are the only source of light and in the red rays she looks almost supernatural.  Annie throws some more wood into the fireplace and then she notices my questioning look.

“I’m taking the first watch tonight. I’ll wake Jean up in four hours to replace me.” She says and Jean wiggles on his place.

“Thanks for reminding me.” He mutters angrily and buries his nose into the blanket. Annie doesn’t respond, but keeps looking at me.

“The night will be cold. You need to cover yourself.” I totally forgot.

“Oh yes, right. I…it’s my first night outdoors so…” Annie doesn’t seem interested in my explanations.  She keeps looking at me while I go to my bag, pull a blanket out and return to my place, then she climbs up the tree and camps there. Of course it is not my first night out, but I had to make something up, so I wouldn’t looks suspicious. I hope she bought it. Well, what else would she think? I’m sure that even if she had spared some thought on this topic, she surely wouldn’t think I’m the Dragonblessed who doesn’t get cold.  I should just…lie down and stop worrying for a while. I put my boots and leggings beside my place, lying down just in my tunic. I cover myself with the blanket and fell my head going lighter. I hear a low murmur right before I fall asleep. I’m sure that I have never heard anything like that before. It seems to go right through my body, vibrate every part of it and make the cracking of fire and Reiner’s snoring seem distant. It startles me, but I also feel too tired to give any effort to analyze the situation more thoroughly. I shake my head and the sound goes away. Who knows, it might have been a dream.

 

* * *

 

 

She lied on her bed, her brown hair spread on the pillows. It might as well look like she was asleep, if it wasn’t for her tense face. Muscles on her jaw were holding her mouth tightly shut for hours, droplets of sweat forming on her forehead as a result of deep concentration. Her breathing was slow and even, her mind was clear. Every thought she had had subsided and she was focusing on one thing only. She can’t break the connection at any circumstances.

The door of her chamber opened and Erwin peeked in. He went inside and sat on her bed, waiting for her response, but there was none. His face was still the same, only the skin around his eyes tensed a bit.

 _“Lithanjiën.”_ She didn’t even flinch.

 _“Get up. You can’t go on like this, you know what might happen.”_ He said, she frowned and took a deep breath. Hanji opened her eyes and looked at Erwin. She was so tired.

 _“Of course I know. But I can’t stop now. He is not ready yet.”_ Hanji said slowly, carefully avoiding emotions so the connection between Marco and her wouldn’t falter.

 _“He’s an adult, he’ll take care of himself. It is not that hard.”_ Hanji raised her head from the pillow.

 _“You have no idea. You have never been in his head, you can’t possibly know what he’s gone through. If I haven’t been protecting him for the past years the dragon would have made so much damage to hi s mind. Don’t you remember how scared he was when he was young? Don’t you remember how shocked we were when we found out that the dragon had a connection with Marco? Don’t you remember what terrible things he made him do?!”_ She gripped her bedsheets in sudden anger. She was there all the time. She stood by Marco’s side and protected his innocent mind by building a wall around it. Her mind was holding the spell over his head for nearly twenty years, and the further Marco was, the harder it was to keep the spell working. Now he was miles away and she felt the vast outflow of her energy. It was tiring, it was painful and it was deadly. The spell might drain her out of all her energy.

 _“I remember all those things. You are right. They were terrifying for all of us and mostly for Marcuilion, but he was a child then. He listened to all of the dragon’s whispers because his mind was still weak. And he’ll have to face him sooner or later,”_ he was quiet for a while, but when Hanji didn’t say anything he continued more soothingly, _“I know it is hard to let go, I know for how long you kept this working and how important it is, but it has to stop.”_ Hanji looked away from him and he leaned a bit closer, _“He’s not a little boy anymore. He’ll be able to hold the dragon back, he’s strong. You raised him good.”_  She smile weakly and took a deeper breath. She had tried to do the best every day, she had been just and loving, giving Marco the best childhood she could. But now he’s gone and even though she kept preparing herself for that moment for years, it still hurt. She would give up so much only to have Marco back, her little Marco with chubby cheeks and little fingers. The gentle child tripping over his own legs as he walked around the castle, looking everywhere but under his legs. She would relive those days, enjoy them and keep better track of them because she found out that she forgot what Marco was like when he was a child. Hanji felt like her mind betrayed her, like it wanted her to think that Marco was always that tall man, who didn’t want to hug that much anymore, who’s hands were larger than hers and who’s eyes showed more and more fear every day.

She would cry, but no tears fell. She was too tired to cry. She let her head fall back on the pillow and looked back at Erwin.

 _“He doesn’t know anything about the dragon. He has no idea that it’s trying to reach and conquer his mind.”_ She whispered and Erwin’s face tensed.

_“What do you mean he doesn’t know? He remembers the time he was possessed, doesn’t he?”_

_“No. I took away those memories.”_ Erwin turned to look at her in disbelief and she sighed desperately. _“When we managed to banish the dragon from his head he remembered everything he had done while he was…while he wasn’t himself. He was so scared and it was too much for him to handle. Erwin, he pleaded. He said: ‘Hanji, please. Let me forget. Take it away…’ So I did. I couldn’t say no even the second time.”_ Erwin listened and he knew how much that plea meant to Hanji. He knew she heard it before, that she had to refuse and that it kept eating her alive all those years.

 _“But why didn’t you tell him about the dragon? Why does he have to find everything out by himself?”_ There was a while of silence.

 _“My spell would have been weakened if I had told him about the connection between him and the dragon. The thoughts of the connection would occupy his mind and they would try to find the dragon. The pressure would come from both sides and the spell would collapse.”_ She said and Erwin nodded. He knew her deeds were reasonable, but he knew they were heavily influenced by her strong feelings towards Marco.

 _“I’ll stop, I promise. Just few more days, until he leaves the Selsa forest.”_ Erwin gave her a long look, unsure if Hanji was strong enough. She was a powerful mage and she was wise and very responsible, even if she didn’t seem like it most of the time. He rose from the bed.

 _“So be it. But promise me you’ll be careful. I can’t lose you too.”_  It was a demand, not a plea.

 _“I promise.”_ Hanji said quietly and closed her eyes again. Erwin stood there a little more and then he turned his back to the bed. He was at point of leaving when he heard Hanji speak up once more.

_“Erwien, I told him.”_

_“What did you tell him?”_

_“I told him about Tardide.”_ His face was still the same, Hanji didn’t have to open her eyes to know that, but she knew that it was something completely different on the inside.

_“How much does he know?”_

_“I only told him to go there and look for her. I thought the whole truth would be too much for him at that time.”_ Erwin nodded slowly.

 _“You did a good thing. He deserves to know. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”_ Then he walked out of the room and closed the door. Hanji tried to relax and strengthened the connection that grew weaker while she was talking to Erwin.

 

* * *

 

 

I woke up in the morning and my whole body hurt. My back was stiff, my neck hurt and it turned out that I should have moved the pebble from under my blanket. I can still feel it, even when I sit up. It feels like a hard finger poking a spot right under my left shoulder blade, and it is really annoying. I stroke the spot with my fingers, but the feeling refuses to go away. I groan quietly and check the others, only to find them in middle of their morning routine. Reiner is kneeling in front of the fireplace, cooking yet another meal, since we ate all of the soup in the evening. Armin and Annie are tying the luggage to their horses and Jean is resting on his blanket, his eyes lightly closed. Maybe I should be getting ready too. I put in my boots and the leggings and get up from my makeshift bed. My hips are terribly sore from yesterday’s route and I have a feeling that it is only going to get worse throughout the day. I stretch, ignoring the pain in every inch of my body and kneel down to my bed and fold the upper blanket into a more travel-friendly size. I dust the other one and fold it into a square, that’ll serve me as a seat when the breakfast will be done. Tilkrin was standing by Armin and Annie and looking at their horses and she came to me when she saw me putting away the blanket. She nudges my shoulder with her nose and I stroke her.

 _“Good morning. Ready for today?”_ I ask and she snorts and bites my shirt. I pull it out of her mouth, wipe the drool away and look at her.

 _“Was that really necessary?”_  She snorts again and I go for her saddle that is still hanging on a thick tree branch. I rub her back before putting the harness on her, tightening the buckles and adjusting stirrups. She chews on her curb bit and stomps her feet in impatience.

 _“Hush! Calm down. We’ll be going in a minute, wait here.”_ I pat her on her cheek more forcefully than before. Then I go to Reiner and ask whether he needs any help. I think I should be more useful, not just sitting around and watching them work. I see Armin turn away from his horse and I know what he is about to say. ‘No worries, we can handle everything!’ Fortunately, Reiner is faster. He takes out another cauldron from his bag and hands it to me. This one is bigger than the first one. Seriously, how many things does he have in his bag?

“We’re running a bit low on water so you can take this to the river and fill it.” I take the cauldron and head towards the river. I’ll have to walk through the forest a bit, but the slope leads me  towards the riverbank. I walk out of the clearing and onto the woods.

“And be swift! We’ve got a long way ahead of us!” Reiner yells after me and I chuckle.

“Will do!” I answer and I pick up the pace. I can’t hear the river yet, it is too calm to be heard but I can already see the white pebbles on the banks flashing between tree trunks. The weakest arm of Drynstill flows near Oashara, so it never had enough power to form cliffs. It springs in Aglo lake, where Tyrna river and Black river meet. Black river leads all the way up to the Northern forest and at first Erwin wanted me to travel that way on boats, but it turned out to be inefficient, since I’d have to sail against the current.  It will be faster on horses. The gravel rustles under my feet and I can finally see the water. Air around it is colder than it was on the clearing, but I don’t mind it. I dip the cauldron into the water and let it fill the insides, while I look around a bit. The forest is still, the morning is windless. All the animals must be still asleep, I can’t hear any buzzing of insects or sweeps of bird’s wings. Maybe this absence of all the noises makes me aware of the rustle of gravel on my right. I turn as quick as possible, only to catch the last blink of a green cape disappearing into the forest. It must have been one of the elves that Armin talked about yesterday. I frown a bit, look at the place where the cape disappeared for a little while and then turn my back to it. The cauldron has filled itself by the time so I just pick it up and carry it to our camp. It is heavier than I expected and my whole body protest against the weight. The breakfast is already done and served when I return to the camp. Reiner takes the cauldron like it has no weight and it leaves me a bit ashamed. I forgive him in the minute he hands me a bowl of oatmeal porridge and a hot tea. By the time I was gone he constructed a tripod and placed it above the fire. He hangs the cauldron on it and adds more wood into the fire, so the flames go higher and are bigger. We sit around the fire much like we did yesterday in the evening and start eating. The porridge is blunt and slimy and it takes a large amount of will to eat it. I drown the last spoons with the tea, Armin collects the dishes and heads towards the river to clean them. Reiner stirs the warming water and Annie gets up from her place and goes back to packing her stuff. The only one who isn’t moving is Jean. He was the only one who didn’t clean up his bed and now he’s sitting on the lower blanket with the other one draped around his shoulders, absently watching his empty hands. I look at his eyes and spot bags them. It must have been a long night for him.  I wiggle a bit closer to him and lower my voice.

“Hey, are you alright?” He looks at me, fatigue oozing from his face, but he gives me the lightest of smile anyway.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” he rubs his eye, “it’s just been a bad night. I’m tired and… you know, I had no appetite this morning so I had to force myself into eating and now it’s sorta lyin’ in my stomach. I don’t really feel like climbing a horse… the only good thing is that we have the Morning After rule.” He says, mainly to himself but I can’t help my curiosity.

“What rule?”

“The Morning After. It means that if you are the last one who held a night watch you don’t have to do anything in the morning, you can just laze around.” He says with a smirk and stretches his hands above his head. The blanket falls from his shoulders and he shivers with cold after he finishes with the stretch. He looks longingly at the blanket but then decides to leave it there and get ready for the ride. He puts his boots on and then sits on the blanket for another while, probably gathering the will to get up. I notice the scar the left side of his neck stretch as he cracks his stiff vertebrae. I wonder how what happened to him. Should I ask? I’d really like to, but won’t he be mad at me for nosing around? Hanji always told me that I shouldn’t point out other people’s flaws and I think that I should hold onto that rule, not because she told me to, but because it is the right thing to do. Whatever happened to him, it belongs to past and shouldn’t be-

“Just spit it out.” He says flatly, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“W-what?”

“I know you’re staring and I know you want to say something, so come on, I’m all ears.” Well if you insist…

“What happened to you? Here?” I ask and rub my neck on the place where his scar is laid. He places his fingers on the scar and rubs it while he talks.

“I got cut in a fight few years ago.” He says and when I keep looking at him he decides to continue. “I’m specialized in a special fencing technique where I have a sword in each hand and my left shoulder serves as a shield. You know, you saw me gearing up it’s…this,” He reaches for his bag and pulls out a piece of armor. He puts it against his left shoulder and keeps explaining, “what I put on, so when somebody is striking against me I always block him with my shoulder.  And this happened on a mission when we were attacked by a mugging gang and I didn’t block one blow the right way and ended up with a cut. But it was just a fleshwound, nothing deep or serious.”

“Yeah, that’s why he was crying like a baby.” Reiner exclaims with a smirk and keeps fueling the fire like nothing happened. Jean picks up a pebble from ground and throws it at him with angry frown.

“Would you mind your OWN business?!” Reiner tries to cover himself but the pebble hits him anyway and he hisses in pain. Then he laughs and goes back to the boiling water. Jean turns to me again and he shakes his head.

“Unbelievable, what bullshit this man can do… Anyway, I got it stitched up and it healed into this. That’s all.” I nod and look at the piece of armor.

“Can I take a look at this?” I point at it and he hands it to me with a quiet ‘sure’. It is just the outer shell of it the whole piece, I know that Jean wears a chainmail sleeve under it. It is quite big and thick, probably to weaken the strength of a sword strike and the surface is cut into lots of tiny downwards pointing pyramids. I examine it with my fingertips and wonder how any smith could have done such a fine work. Jean probably sees my amazement and he strokes it too.

“The texture helps me to dodge the sword in the right way, so it doesn’t go towards my neck like it did last time. And I also ordered a padded collar so nothing like that happens again.”

“You didn’t have one before?” I ask in disbelief. If he says ‘no’ I swear I’m going straight back to Jinae. How could I be safe with someone so reckless? I wouldn’t be able to sleep then.

“No, of course I had one! What are you thinking? But the last one sucked, it couldn’t last much blows. I’m having it made in Kinallen and we’ll actually go through there so I’ll be able to pick it up.” He says with a hint of smile.

“Excited?” I ask and he looks me in the eye for the first time today.

“Actually…yes, I am quite excited. They always do great work, all our weapons and armor were made there. It’s some high quality stuff, let me tell you.”

 We hear footsteps and turn our heads, only to see Armin with a handful of clean bowls and spoons. He hands them to Reiner and Jean stands up and packs his things into his bag. Reiner pours the boiled water into our flasks and tells me to the river to fill another cauldron with water.

“It doesn’t have to be that much water, just for extinguishing the fire.” I nod and take the cauldron in both hands and head down the slope. I let the cauldron on the grave bottom so it fills itself and I look around, trying to find any trace of another green cape, but either there’s none, or they are hidden too well. I shrug, take the cauldron and go back to the camp. Reiner takes the cauldron and pours the water over the flames. The steam covers him entirely and he disappears for a second, until he waves his way out of the cloud. I put away my folded blanket and strap the luggage to Tilkrin’s back. Jean combs his shaggy hair with his fingers and greets his horse that Annie saddled and prepared while he was resting. He caresses his horse the same way he did before, on the patio in front of the palace. He is so gentle. Tilkrin watches the heartwarming greeting and then turns to me like she expects me to do the same. I laugh quietly and pat her cheek.

 _“I’m sure you don’t deserve it.”_ I say and she clicks her teeth on me, so I stop playing around and caress her properly. She enjoys it but pulls away after a while with a quiet snort. Armin mounts his horse and looks at the clearing.

“Are we ready to go?” He asks and we nod. I look on the clearing too in case we forgot something, but it is empty. The only sign that we were here is the fireplace, embers covered with rocks so they don’t start a wildfire. I stretch a bit to warm up my muscles before the long ride. Armin said that today he would like to reach Selvan and that it would take us at least nine and half hours. The thought of it is truly excruciating and I don’t know how we are going to make it. Truth to be told, Reiner scared me a bit yesterday with the story of those two girls. I hope nothing like that happens to us. We mount our horses, look at our camp for the last time and then Armin commands us to move. Reiner shouts ‘In form!’ just like he did yesterday and we hit the road.

* * *

 

 

We reached Selvan late in the afternoon and even more tired than yesterday. The road was long, boring as ever and the only change in the pattern was that today we stopped every hour to rest a bit. We followed the main road along Drynstill and we camped on another clearing, far away from the city. The routine was the same as before: We set the fireplace, Jean took the horses away to clean them, Armin and Annie went to the woods to collect firewood and Reiner took the cooking. They split up so quickly that I didn’t have the time to ask anyone if they needed help, I just stood there in the middle of the clearing, struck by their efficiency. In the end I joined Reiner and helped him with…anything he needed. The forest around us was rather dark, trees were tall and old, crooked into the strangest shapes. We were in the deepest part of Selsa and the nearly mystical atmosphere was making my hair stand. I read about this place in many of Moblit’s books, but I could never imagine the place so vividly. And when I consider that we are camping just few yards from the main road…and that the forest gets thicker and older…leaves me breathless. Reiner doesn’t seem to be as thrilled about the it as I am, he just chops the vegetables like he did before. We are sitting on a dead tree trunk sprawled across the clearing. Reiner hands me the leek and tells me to slice it into quarters while he chops the carrot.

“What are we cooking?” I ask and he looks up from the carrot rings.

“Leek soup with potatoes and crackers. And I’m experimenting a bit with the carrot in it, but I think it’ll turn out good. But take whatever you want from the bag, we’ve got enough.” I nod but I keep slicing. It’s true that I’m hungry, but it can wait. When I’m done with the leek Reiner divides a bunch of potatoes and gives me half of them. I start peeling them and I throw the peels onto one pile. Our horses will sure be delighted when we give them those. I smile and keep working, when I hear it again. The deep growl-like murmur, starting inside my head and going through my whole body, just like the one I heard yesterday right before I fell asleep. The only difference now is, that I’m wide awake. Only now I realize how chilling the sound is and how it scares me. I look at Reiner, but he is still peeling the potatoes like nothing happened.

“D-did you hear that?” I ask, profoundly scared. Reiner looks up from the potatoes and listens carefully, but the only think we both can hear is the hum of the forest. He looks at me.

“Hear what?”

“It was this sound, really really deep, like a...” He keeps looking at me, his eyes squinted in puzzlement. No, I must be the only one who has heard it, “…forget it. I must be tired, that’s all.” Reiner nods in understanding with a faint smile.

“No worries, it happens from time to time. You just need a good rest. And I’ll tell Armin to loosen up the pace, because what we’re doing right now is so not healthy.” He says and pats my back forcefully. I nod and return to potatoes, but my mind is still nod calm. Was it just a delusion? No, it felt too real to be just a thing created by my head. But that’s exactly what a delusional person would say, isn’t it? I frown ant the half-peeled potato, waiting until that starts talking too.

“Hey Marco.” I jolt. No, I didn’t mean it like that, don’t start talking! Only after a while I realize that it wasn’t the potato, but Jean, who leaned over my shoulder from behind me and snatched the potato away. He walks around me and takes a bite of it. I shake my head to chase away thoughts involving the deep sound. Focus.

“Where’s the dinner? I’m starving.” Jean complains and lays himself on the trunk dramatically. I chuckle quietly and take another potato from my pile.

“You can always lend a hand Jean, just so you know.” Reiner says and throws the peel onto the pile. I hear thumps of hooves coming from behind me and a big brown head appears next to my face, reaching for the potato in my hand. I pull it away carefully, but the horse is persistent and keeps reaching for it. Jean sits up and snaps his fingers at it.

“Hey Buchwald! Hey! Go away, that’s not for you.” Buchwald looks at Jean, snorts and walks away from me, but nudges me in the back of my head anyway. Jean stretches on the trunk again, closing his eyes and taking another bite from the raw potato.

“Can’t do Reiner. I have to protect you from the wild beasts, don’t you see?”

“Oh, I’ll show you a wild beast.” Reiner warns him and Jean laughs. And indeed, he doesn’t help. Armin and Annie bring the wood, we start a fire and the afternoon slowly turns into an evening. We ate with sunset. By the time we finished the dinner I felt fairly energized. The atmosphere lightened and we were resting, propped against the tree trunk. Annie was playing with her arrows, brushing the tiny white feathers, Armin was uncoiling a rope that has tangled inside his bag during the ride. Jean was sitting next to me, eyes slightly closed and dozing off. Reiner pulled his sword out of the scabbard and began to examine it closely. The sword is massive, just like Reiner himself, the blade is long, has a dark red tint and a shallow ditch runs through the middle of it. Reiner hands it with care and I immediately remember how angry he got when Jean touched it without his permission. He sure is very possessive about it. The sword is in perfect shape, shiny, clean and very impressive. Now I’m no violent person, neither do I have a desire to fight, but I really like the thought of me carrying something like that, looking all dangerous and wild. But I wouldn’t know what to do with such weapon, I have no skill in fighting. That is actually a big question that kept and keeps bugging me all the time: When Erwin and Hanji knew that I will be in need of an escort while travelling through the kingdom because I would be in danger, why didn’t they prepare me against the danger as well? I took history classes, magic, culture and arts, I even learned how to sing, but I have no idea how to defend myself. I know that people sitting around me right now are here for this purpose, but I think I would feel safer if I didn’t have to rely on them only.  

Armin pulls out the medallion from under his shirt and opens it again. I was preparing myself for the metallic screeching, but it still catches me off guard. I rub my ears to ease the strange feeling. When Armin notices my distress he closes the thing immediately.

“You can hear it?” He asks curiously. What should I tell him? Hearing things that others don’t hear is never a good sign. I think of it for a little while, but I nod in the end.

“What does it sound like?” He asks and the curious spark lights inside him again, just like it did when he found out that I could speak the language of humans. I try to explain him what I hear, the strange mixture of organic and metallic and he doesn’t even try to hide his surprise.

“Amazing.” He says when I finish.

“And what is that machine? What does it do?” I ask and Armin hands it to me.

“It’s a…I would call it a multitool. You have to learn how to read it first, and then you can use it…like a compass, clock, distance counter, tide indicator…it has many uses. You can open it if you want to.” I dig my nail under the lid and wince as the annoying sound gets louder. The golden polished coat of the multitool contrasts highly with the dark insides of it. There are lots of dark blue chainrings inside, a golden letter printed on each one. Some of them are spinning so fast that the letter turns into a golden smudge, others are changing the directions in which they are spinning.  There are few thin wooden beams stretching above spinning wheels, crossing over each other and tiny mussel shells are laid on their intersections. The whole tool is so busy and complicated and I have no idea how anyone could get any information from it. The noise is getting more and more annoying so I close it and keep looking at the carved coat.

“Where did you get that?” I ask and see that even the others are listening to us carefully.

“A fisherman from Poppy islands gave it to me. I lived there with the water nomads for three months while I was doing my diplomacy course.”

“You are a diplomat?” He looks too young to be one. I always thought of diplomats as old, stern people who speak only when necessary, just like the one we had in palace, I think his name was Cailu. I never spoke to him, he didn’t seem interested in me, but Erwin appreciated him a lot. He was one of the few members of the international diplomatic council and Cailu wanted everyone to know. That’s why he always wore the Triring on a visible place. Every member of the council had a special ring made of steel, gold and opal, each representing one nation of the kingdom. Gold was for humans, opal for elves and the steel served as a memory of a fallen nation of the Southern mountains. They got involved into the war between humans and elves and were delivering supplies and weapons to both sides, hoping that both nations would bleed out in the end and that they would be able to get more land. However, this plan of theirs was discovered and both elves and humans turned against them and they were wiped out completely. Thousands of men, women and children slaughtered, no prisoners taken.  Some refugees might have survived in the high mountains, but not enough to create a stable nation again. When the council was created, less than hundred years ago, they decided to honor their memory.  The steel was added to the design of the Triring and there is always one empty seat on the council meeting in promise that nothing like that would ever happen. It is also very hard to become a part of the council itself, the requests are very high. That’s why I’m surprised when I find the Triring attached to the same chain as the multitool is. My eyes go wide and before Armin can answer the question I asked him before, I speak up again.

“You have the Triring?! How come?” Armin just smiles humbly and I bet he blushed at least a bit.

“I don’t even know. When I finished my course I took the tests and had some good results. Then I got an invitation from the council to join them…so I did.” He smiles again and shrugs. He acts like it’s no big deal, but it really is. He’s so young and already a council diplomat…It leaves me a bit ashamed. We’re nearly the same age and look what he has achieved. Incredible.

“Armin had the best results and political reputation in the kingdom. That’s why they accepted him.” Annie says and my self esteem drops even more. He’s so much smarter than me. I don’t envy him, no, it just makes me feel useless.

“But there weren’t that many participants in the final tests. And I-“

“It doesn’t matter. You should be more proud of what you have achieved.” She says and we all fall quiet. That was really nice and…true. I know she meant that advice for Armin, but it makes me feel better about myself. I look back at the multitool with Triring, play with it a little more and then return it to Armin and at the same time a question comes into my mind.

“So what do I hear when you open it?” Armin snaps out of his thoughts and examines the multitool.

“The fisherman told me that it also gives out a sound that keeps mosquitoes away, so…I guess that’s it.” I cock an eyebrow at him and Jean snorts.

“So now it keeps bugs and elves away?” I laugh and he smirks at me.

“Maybe it does.”

 

 Time passes and we get ready to sleep. I really feel that I could use a bath, but there’s no way I could do it. Drynstill is quite close, but the current could throw me off my feet and sweep me away, so I just pour some water on a cloth and wipe my body with it. I prepare myself a bed and the others do the same, laying their blankets around me to protect me. Only Reiner stays up ant toys with the binding on his sword’s scabbard. He takes the sword out and swings it few times to warm up. The sword turns into a dark red smudge when Reiner swings it and reflects the weak glow of the fire. I watch his moves in amazement and he notices it. I look down, maybe a bit shyly and Reiner comes closer.

“Take a look if you want to.” He says and hands me the sword. I take it carefully and it surprises me immediately. I expected it to be much heavier. I take a closer look and marvel at the state of the sword. It’s so beautiful, it seems like it has never been used in a fight, like it has been in someone’s collection, taking a spot on the biggest pedestal. My gaze sweeps from the point of the blade to the cross guard and only now I notice that the guard has a strange crooked shape. I look further down and realize that the chappe and the upper part of the grip are formed into dragon’s head, the cross guards are his horns and the blade is a very long tongue. I take it closer to my eyes and examine the dragon’s head and it’s a true masterpiece. Bright yellow eyes look like they might blink any minute now and that the dragon would roll his tongue back into his mouth and try to bite me. I give it back to Reiner with appreciating nod.

“It’s beautiful. And also very light. Did you also get it in…uh..”

“In Kinallen? Yeah, I did. The things girls make there…works of art, lemme tell you! Do you know how to fight?” He asks and twirls the sword in his hand. I wince. He won’t judge me when I say no, will he?

“Unfortunately no. I wish I knew.” I sigh and hope that the wish would excuse me from not knowing how to fight. I thought Reiner would frown and say that ‘every man has to know how to fight’. I didn’t expect Reiner to smile widely and hunch his shoulders in excitement.

“We’ll teach you then, Jean and I! Right Jean?” Jean just wiggles on his bed and mutters something like ‘sure whatever’ and Reiner waves a hand at him.

“He’ll be happy to teach you. You’re lucky, you’ll have the top two teachers in the country!”

“Top two?” I ask, not entirely sure what he meant.

“Yes, we’re the best. You know, after the basic training that ended when we were fifteen each of us went for other occupation and specialized in other field. Annie went to archery course and Armin went to diplomacy as he said. Jean and I went both for fencing course and then we split. I went for longsword and double-handed sword technique and Jean specialized in Rosario speed technique. When we ended our courses we all had the highest scores…Well, not really all of us but…” He thinks for a while, considering whether he should tell me the rest or not. I can see the tension on his face. He looks at the others and when he sees that they are all fast asleep he sighs and crouches before my feet and lowers his voice.

“Don’t tell Jean I told you this, allright?” He doesn’t even wait for me to nod, he just continues, “He scored third, right after Mikasa and Eren and he never really got over it. Well, I know he expected Mikasa to beat him, but not Eren. He always complained about it and had nasty comments, but the ranks changed when Eren and Mikasa...vanished. They were declared dead and only then Jean got the first place in the national chart, but hated and hates the way he got it. It’s a very touchy topic when you talk with Armin or Jean, so you should try to avoid it.” He says with a smile and a good hearted wink. Then he rises to his feet and stretches his back.

“So, do you want us to teach you?” He asks and I think about it. I think I’ll handle it. I’m sure I’m not going to be anything near a top chart fighter, but the basic will be quite useful.

“Yes, that’ll be great.”  I say and Reiner grins.

“Allright then, now go to sleep, ‘cause we are starting tomorrow…or…whenever, I don’t know yet. But keep your eyes open!” He adds dramatically and I chuckle. I lie down on my bed and close my eyes, listening to Reiner’s distancing footsteps and the hum of the forest. The strange murmur kicks in right after I free my mind and my eyes open instantly. The sound lasts, mingles with its own echo and goes straight through my body.  I can’t move and little tears appear in corners of my eyes. What is happening to me? What is this? Why can’t I move or hear something else than this deep, growling, bone chilling sound? When the sound finally goes away my breathing is heavy and I’m at the point of crying. I keep telling myself that I’m just tired from the long journey, but deep down, I don’t really believe it. I try to calm myself but the redeeming sleep comes hours later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are curious about the sound Marco keeps hearing you can listen to it [here](http://yayapear.tumblr.com/post/115880073891/the-deep-murmur-marco-hears-in-ch-3-of-the-tight)
> 
> FYI, I have a [ tumblr ](http://www.yayapear.tumblr.com/)  
> And I made a [ map ](http://yayapear.tumblr.com/post/96868629011/i-spent-an-entire-day-on-doing-this-map-to-my)of the kingdom for better orientation:  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you have any questions or any type of feedback, feel free to write it in the comments, they always make my day :)


	4. Artalin

The morning was hard. I felt tired and sore, my neck hurt awfully and I was terribly thirsty. I drank at least half of my flask, still half conscious. The others were already moving, getting everything ready for the ride. I sit up on my bed and stretch my sore back. Oh, what would I give for a nice bed with puffy pillow, just like the one I had in the palace. I rub my face and feel the soft bags under my eyes.  

“Had a rough night, didn’t you?” Reiner asks with concern and I nod.

“I thought so. You were tossing around the whole time I was on the watch. Is something bothering you?” He asks and it surprises me, how straight forward he is. Yes, there is something bothering me, but I don’t think he would understand. Or he would believe me. He would probably say the same thing like he said again, that I am just tired and the sound that makes my whole body tingle is just my imagination.

“No, I just had trouble falling asleep. I’m a bit homesick, I guess.” I say, Reiner smiles and pats me on my back forcefully.

“We’ve all been through this, it’ll get better, don’t worry.” He says heartedly and it makes me think. He’s right, they all must have left their homes in order to study and join the army. If their basic training ended when they were fifteen, how young were they when they left home? How far did they have to travel to enlist? It must have been a very tough decision for them and for their parents.

“When?” I ask. Reiner bites his lip and shrugs.

“You just have to stop thinking about your home. You have to focus on what you are doing. No one can tell how long will it take for you to stop missing the place you grew up in.” Jean calls from the other side of the clearing where he tends the horses. Annie turns around sharply and hushes him, pointing at the resting Armin with her chin.

“Don’t wake him up.” She says in a low voice, looks coldly at Jean and takes a cauldron into her hands. Then without a word she walks away from the clearing, probably heading to the river for water. Jean rolls his eyes, comes closer to us and sits on the dead tree.

“Where did you grow up?” I ask and look at both Jean and Reiner.

“Trost. There’s also the main training center for all the western cities so I didn’t have to travel as much as Reiner or Armin.” Jean says and I try to remember where Trost is, I’m sure I have seen it on some map. “Actually, we’ll be going through Trost on our way. I might as well visit my parents, I haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“How long is it? Four years?” Reiner asks and Jean nods.

“Four years.” Silence settles between us. I guess that Reiner and Jean are thinking about their homes and I don’t want to interrupt their thoughts. I have no idea how they could be feeling. I’ve never been away from my home for more than few hours, make it days if we are counting this journey in.  

“Anyway!” Reiner says and tears me out of my thoughts, “Annie and I are form Karnag, a little village between Jakhana and Vrinsey. We walked seven days from there to Trost when we decided to join the army.” He says and draws his bag closer to him.

“How old were you then?” I ask and Reiner grins.

“Twelve.” Well that’s a surprise. How could such young children undergo a journey like that? And why would they let a twelve-year-old to join the army? Why would anyone need an army of children?

“And your parents let you go alone? You were so young!” Reiner shrugs.

“Well uh, I don’t really have parents and Annie’s dad didn’t actually care. We didn’t really think about it. We just turned our backs to that stinky little village and said goodbye. End of story.” He says and he’s about to start looking through his bag for something for breakfast but then he decides to continue: “We weren’t that young. I know that you guys grow up a bit slower and you think twelve is not enough to be mature, but it’s a bit different between humans, you know.” I nod, but I still don’t agree.

“Actually, how old are you Marco?” Reiner asks and even though I expected this question I’m still not sure if I should tell him that no, I’m not two hundred years old, yes, I’m nineteen like you and yes, it was true what you heard about elves and how long they live and yes, it’s considered weird when an elf ages like a human. I think I should just brace myself and tell him the truth.

“You might not believe it but I’m-“

“Reiner, look OUT!” Jean yells as Reiner puts his hand into his bag, but it’s too late. Reiner jolts and cries out of pain. He jumps up, drops the bag on the floor and holds up his bleeding hand, still screaming. He looks at the wound on his index finger and back on the bag. Something wiggles inside it but nothing comes out.

“Son of a…what was that?!” Reiner wails and clenches his hand. Armin sits up on his bed and rubs his eyes, asking what is happening. I wiggle myself a bit closer to the bag, trying to see what’s inside, but Jean stands in front of me.

“Wait up, it could be dangerous.” He mutters to me and I obey. I hope that whatever there is in the bag isn’t venomous. I grew rather fond of Reiner in those two days.  Jean walks closer to the mysterious bag, puts his hand on his sword’s grip and kicks the bag so the opening is facing up. He crouches next to the bag and carefully stretches the opening with the tips of his fingers to get a better look. He inspects it for a little moment and then he starts to laugh.

“What’s so funny!?” Reiner asks with and Jean picks the bag up, still laughing.

“Just look inside.” Jean says and hands the bag to Reiner, who takes it cautiously into his good hand and peeks inside.

“Look at this tiny piece of shit.” He hisses breathlessly and hands me the bag. I look inside it and can’t hold back a chuckle. On top of all the supplies lies a little red squirrel and looks at me with big brown eyes and a startled face. Her soft milky colored belly is unnaturally swollen and the she tries to wiggle herself further away from me, but with no luck. The squirrel just puffs loudly and stretches out her paw to block my approaching finger. Good she didn’t bite me just like she bit Reiner. Jean comes closer to me and we both look at the little intruder.

“She must have crawled inside throughout the night and stuffed herself so much that she can’t move anymore.” Jean says and gently pokes her belly. She just keeps looking at him, squeaking in protest and twitching her bushy tail.

“I hope it ate all the food.” Reiner mutters darkly and sucks on his bleeding wound. Armin looks at all us in puzzlement, eyes still puffy from the recent sleep.

“Wha-?” He asks incoherently.

“A squirrel.” Reiner answers and shows him his bitten finger. Armin nods and flops back down on the bed, staring up at the morning sky. So much fuss about a little thing. Jean carefully puts his hand inside and grabs the wiggling squirrel. He takes the bag from me and hands it to Reiner, telling him to check how much damage the squirrel did. He holds her in his hand, slowly petting the red fur on her head. She doesn’t move, her tiny chest goes up and down really fast and it seems to me that she’s just waiting for the right moment to escape. Jean coos soothingly to her, scratching the soft place between her ears.

“The nuts are gone, and so is half of a cucumber,” Reiner says and sets the bag back on the ground, “so today the porridge is plain, no nuts. Sorry kids.” He glares at the red furry ball in Jeans hands and comes closer to it. The squirrel looks up at him, sniffing the air and blinking her dark eyes.

“Oh, look how cute it is trying to be. Like I’m gonna believe you. Punk.” Reiner squints at her, walks away and it makes me chuckle. Jean grins at me and keeps petting her with his finger. His face goes softer and he looks completely different. It’s not the first time I’m seeing this face, but it keeps baffling me. How can such sharp features look so gentle?

“What do we do with her? We should let her go.” Jean says and I carefully reach my hand to touch her, just like he does. He makes her look so cuddly. She goes stiff, looks directly at me and pushes my hand away with her paw again. Jean laughs at it and scratches her head a bit harder.

“Yeah, just release it somewhere in the forest.” Reiner says, not even looking up from the breakfast he’s preparing. Annie comes back and sets the full cauldron in front of Reiner and then looks at us all with her eyebrows slightly arched.

“I heard screams. What happened?” She asks and her gaze stops at Jean and I, standing shoulder to shoulder and hunching over something in his hands that she can’t see. It must look strange from her point of view. Armin explains what happened with a tired voice. She nods in acknowledgement and crouches next to his bed, talking to him, asking him whether he slept well or not. I think if Armin complained about us being loud, Annie would make us face the consequences. Fortunately, he doesn’t. They fall into a quiet conversation, Armin slowly gaining more and more consciousness. Reiner keeps on preparing the breakfast and checks his wounded finger once in a while. I step a bit further from Jean, leaving his personal space. Even though I remember Hanji telling me that the humans don’t mind closeness as much as elves, I still think that standing too close to him for a long time would make us both feel awkward.

We fall back into our morning routine. Before breakfast Jean went into the forest with the squirrel and came back empty-handed. He said that he left her inside a mossy hole in some random tree. When I looked through my bag I found out that the biscuits Hanji gave me got completely minced by Moblit’s book. I had to take everything out of the bag, turn it upside down and dust it like that. I looked into the pack where the biscuits were supposed to stay and I found a nasty mix of crumbles and all kinds of filth from my bag. Ew. I threw the pack into the fire and I scolded myself for not eating them earlier. The pack curled and turned black in matter of seconds. The fire flicked green for a split moment and even though it caught my eye, I didn’t give it much attention.

 The porridge tasted even worse than it did yesterday. I didn’t think that the nuts would make that much difference. Reiner boiled the water and divided it into our flasks. We got our horses ready, cleaned up our camp, extinguished the fire and mounted our horses. Armin said that today we’ll go to Artalin, which lies on the very edge of Selsa. The city is smaller than Selvan and the impact of human culture is huge. It is the main elvish trade center and rumors say that it is even richer than Jinae. I actually don’t have a hard time believing that. I hope we visit Artalin, just to get a glimpse of it. I think it’s a shame that I’ve never seen any other city than Jinae. We were just about to head off, when I decided to ask Armin about visiting the city and even staying there for the night. He stops his horse, winces a bit and shakes his head slowly, still looking at me and searching my reaction.

“I’m still considering it, but I’d rather camp outside the city, like we did until now. A group of humans in the city might attract too much attention and get us to some trouble.”

“I thought the elves in Artalin would be used to humans, since they trade together.” I say with a frown and Armin shrugs.

“They are. Sort of. They’ll like you for your money. If you have enough and are willing to buy something from them, they have no problem with you. But if you don’t, well…”

“They can be very unpleasant.” Annie finishes, because Armin seemed to be in loss of words.

“On the other hand, I’d like the idea of sleeping in a nice cozy tavern and eating something digestible.” Jean says with a dreamy smile.

“Next time you’re cooking yourself, prick!” Reiner growls and Jean grins at him.

“Shut up, or I’ll call the squirrel back.” Reiner gives him an offended face and Jean throws his head back in laughter.

“Your comebacks are on the level of a six year-old, Kirschtein.” Reiner snaps, barely containing his laughter. They both started to tease each other so quickly that it left me wondering if they had rehearsed it before. Well, this is obviously how they are having fun. They insult each other without really meaning it. I should try it at some point, but I have to do it in the the right moment. They are both giggling now and I’m not far from joining them. Annie clears her throat loudly and ruins the mood of mischief.

“So are we going to the city or not?” She asks and Armin frowns. 

“I’d say yes.” Jean says and shrugs.

“Me too. I’m sick of cooking when no one appreciates it.” Reiner says and grins at Jean.

“I appreciate it,” Annie says, “and I don’t care if we go to the city or we camp. But I also think we can handle problems.” I don’t know if my opinion counts too or if I even have a right to express it. They are to decide. Armin looks at Annie and she nods with the smallest, gentlest smile.

“Allright, we are going to Artalin.” He says and I can see he himself is excited. I smile, we spur our horses and get going. My legs feel completely tired and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to gallop the whole day. Even the horses must be tired. Fortunately, the road to Artalin won’t be as long as the one from Oashara to Selvan. The humans take their places around me and we make it to the main road. I nearly fall off Tilkrin’s back when the sound of galloping completely subsides and is replaced by that growling sound. Now it’s deeper, more profound, it almost sounds like real words. I can’t make out what they mean, the sound is too muffled. My insides clench in worry and I can’t breathe right. Is that someone’s voice? Why do I keep hearing it? Am I going crazy on the third fricking day of this journey? I grip the bridle with more force and push myself to keep going. I keep repeating that the sound will fade any second now. It doesn’t. It goes quieter and quieter, but it doesn’t really go away. The sounds of the world around me come back, but a deep buzz is still present, no matter how much I shake my head and wish it disappears. I feel tears approaching and I clench my teeth. No crying allowed Marco, I scold myself. Maybe it will go away on its own, just give it some time. I brace myself and keep ignoring the persistent sound. I blink away the tears. Don’t let the others know. Don’t show them you are afraid. They sure have their own worries, they don’t have the time to solve some lame buzz in my ears. I grip Tilkrin’s sides tighter with my knees and focus on the road ahead.

* * *

 

 

Artalin is an amazing city. Half of it is still in the forest, while the other half sticks out of it and already lays on the wide plains which belong to men. The city has a perfect round shape and unlike other elvish cities, it has high walls around it, encircling it and keeping the inhabitants closed inside. There are four main gates in the walls, otherwise there’s no way to get in or out. It makes me feel a bit uneasy when I think of being inside. Like there’s no escape and my freedom is being taken away from me. But the feeling of curiosity is stronger than uneasiness.  How will it look on the inside? What will the people be like? And how about the elves? Will it be a quiet city or a loud one?

We stop in front of the southern gate and Armin starts to look through his stuff. We stretch in our saddles, and I hear the cracking of vertebrae from various directions. The road was shorter than yesterday but I know that I can’t travel anymore today. My legs are burning and my muscles are twitching on their own. I wheeze and hug Tilkrin’s neck from behind. I listen to her deep even breathing and I feel her strong heartbeat. It makes me feel serene and it reminds me of Hanji. She always did this to calm me down. I wipe the sweat from my forehead and scratch my upper back. I feel my hand getting wet from the damp shirt. I need bath. Seriously, I do. It’s been three days since I washed myself the last time. My own body disgusts me. I don’t think I’ve ever been so dirty. Well, at least I’m not the only one, the humans are in the same state as I am. Jean is waving his long dark green cape and blows some air on his wet back. Reiner is wiping his forehead into his sleeve and sighs heavily.

Armin takes out a scroll out of his bag with a quiet ‘aha!’ and spreads it out in front of him. I look at it from behind his shoulder and see that it is another map, now showing streets and buildings of Artalin. He starts studying it and traces the streets with his finger. Reiner stretches his hands above his head and his big muscles tense. I hear the cacophony of cracks as he stretches his stiff joints. He gives out a loud sigh and looks at the high walls.

“Ah, walls. Finally. The open cities were giving me heebie-jeebies.” He says and I look at him in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“Heebie-jeebies, that’s just an expression when-“

“No, I understood that, I mean what do you mean by the open cities making you feel uneasy? Isn’t it normal for a city to have no walls around?” I ask.

“Nope.”

“Seriously?”

“Of course! Every city in the kingdom has walls around it. The bigger is the city, the taller are the walls.” He says like it was the most natural thing.

“But why? Why do you need them around it?” Reiner scratches his neck and hesitates with the answer. Oh, let me guess. The answer contains something about the dangers of this world and he thinks that it might set me off and scare me to death. Or Armin told him not to tell me so I feel better and safer, like everything is under control.  He should finally realize that I’m not made of porcelain. I bite the inside of my cheek and wait for the answer.

 “For protection. Your cities don’t have walls because they are deep in the forest which also protects them. But when you build your city on the plain you need to protect it from mugging groups, raids and occupations. It also helps to keep track of how many people enter the city or leave it.” Jean says instead of Reiner. See? It wasn’t so hard or scary. I nod in acknowledgement and thank Jean.

“But mainly against the titans.” Reiner says and Jean glares at him, but now the glare is serious, not playful like it was before. Even Armin turns away from the map and stares at Reiner, like he didn’t want him to tell me that. Well, too late my friends, you have woken up my curiosity.

“What are titans?” I ask and Jean waves his hand in dismiss.

“It’s just a made up thing, a myth-“

“They are real.” Reiner interrupts him with a serious face. Jean grits his teeth.

“No they’re not. It’s just a tale for kids so they don’t dick around in forests, that’s all.”

“I don’t think so. Do you think all the people disappeared just like that? Because they wanted to?” Reiner’s voice is quite calm but Jean is beginning to lose his temper.

“They went into the forest and got torn up by some wild animal. End of story.”

“But what about the noise after it? It’s always the same creepy sound, everybody says that!”

“I don’t care!”

“How can you be this ignorant?” Reiner says in disbelief and Jean snaps.

“Well then if you are SO interested in those goddamn titans, why don’t you go chase them like Eren FUCKING JAEG-“

“ENOUGH!”

Everyone’s head turns to Armin’s direction. Jean and Reiner stop fighting immediately and they both hold a surprised expression that changes slowly into a regretful one. Armin is still sitting on his horse, his fists are firmly clenched and he’s frowning deeply. The face that has been all smiles and pleasantries for those three days now shows a deep frown and I can feel the anger bubbling inside him. His eyes are wide and dark and he brushes away his bangs furiously. He glares both at Jean and Reiner and then he stretches his back and clears his throat.

“Enough.” He says once more and manages to appear calm. “You both have to stop. This is not the first time you started fighting about the titans and now it has come too far. You can’t start arguing with the first mention of them. Jean is right when he says that they might not be real, because no one has ever seen them, but it also is true that people are building the walls mainly to protect themselves from the titans. Too many people have disappeared when they went to forest and too many beds were found empty in the mornings. The fear of them is rational. Also, Marco just wanted to know what titans are and he has every right to know it.” He says firmly, like a father scolding his naughty children. Jean and Reiner lower their heads a bit, nod but they both stay silent. Annie comes closer to me and starts talking.

“Some people believe that titans are creatures that live in every forest. They hide in shadows and lure those who have lost something or someone. Then they feed on them and wander around the forest, making those strange sounds Reiner was talking about.”

“That’s also how they got their name. The sound goes like ‘teee-taaa’ so people started calling them titans. Every time you hear it, you know someone vanished.” Reiner says and I feel my insides clench. The thought of hearing the sound announcing one’s definite and eternal disappearance terrifies me. I hope I’ll never hear it. We fall back into silence and Armin turns to his map again. I feel the tension between us thickening and I feel guilty. After all, I’m the one who made them argue, I’m the one who asked the wrong thing.

“I’m sorry I brought it up.” I say and Armin gives me a surprised, but kind look.

“Don’t be. You didn’t know. Those two…morons…should apologize.” He says quietly and Jean gasps in surprise.

“I can’t believe it. Swearing and yelling in one day? Armin, looks like someone has a bad influence on you!” He says and Reiner snorts. Annie cools both of them down with a sharp glare. Armin ignores them and looks at the map for the last time. We get going and stop at the gate. Two elf guards are standing on each side of the gate and third one comes to us with a thick book and a quill.

 _“Identify yourselves please.”_ He says with bored voice and sets the quill on the paper.

 _“Armin Arlert, Annie Leonhardt, Reiner Braun and Jean Kirschtein, mercenaries of the royal corps. We are escorting...”_ He is just about to say my name when he realizes the name ‘Marco’ isn’t a very fitting name for an elf. Funny that it took him three days to figure it out.

“Marco…that isn’t your real name, right?” He asks me and I shake my head. I go a bit further and lean to the elf.

 _“They are escorting Marcuilion from Jinae.”_ The elf writes it down.

 _“Sorry sir, but what clan do you bel…”_ He stops in the middle of sentence and looks at me. He frowns at me, eyes me from bottom to the top with narrowed eyes. He looks at the Mark and I can see the exact moment when it clicks inside his head.  He gives me a strange smile and his eyes don’t leave my face.

 _“So the time has come. How grateful we are to have you here Dragonblessed.”_ He says fondly and his smile widens.

 _“Thank you.”_  I answer quietly. Dammit, I totally forgot that the elves might recognize me. I hope the humans won’t have too much questions. Fortunately the elf notices my discomfort and stops asking me questions. He clears his throat and looks back at Armin.

 _“Armin Arlert, on what purpose are you entering Artalin?”_ He asks and gets ready to write again.

 _“We are spending the night here.”_ The elf writes it down and goes out of our way. He waves at us and lets us go through the gate. He gives me that strange fond smile again and then turns away, minding his own business. I turn away from him and bow my head to look through the gate. Curiosity is burning inside me and I can’t wait to get a glimpse of the city. The further I go the stronger is the buzz in my ears. I shake my head and try to get rid of it. I got used to the buzz throughout the day, but this is something completely different. It gets louder and louder, it shakes the insides of my head like an earthquake. My head feels like it’s going to split into million pieces, it’s getting hotter and hotter. I groan quietly, wishing for it to stop, but it doesn’t. My head hurts terribly and I let go of Tilkrin’s bridle and squeeze my temples. Go away, just go away. Please. I barely understand the elf telling us to dismount our horses and lead them from now on. I feel the weight of stares, but it hurts too much for me to care. I clench my jaw and let go of my temples, holding onto Tilkrin’s neck to land safely. I hear her desperate neigh and she tries to shake me off. The buzz inside my head now turns into a shouting voice and I have no idea what it’s yelling at me. Tilkrin manages to shake me off, I fall down and close my eyes. I can’t move.  I can’t open my eyes. My whole body is petrified and I desperately try to cover my ears, just to get the racket away. I feel my conscious slipping away. The world around me is dark and cold.

 _‘I’m so sorry Marco.’_ Is the last thing I can hear.

* * *

 

 

Someone is shaking me. I feel a firm grip on my shoulder and the thing I’m lying on is ridiculously hard and cold. The voices sound like they are coming to me from far away. At first I’m not perceiving them, they go around me just like the water flows around a boulder in the river. Then my conscious starts to kick in and I begin to recognize words and voices. I open my eyes and try to sit up. The amount of light and all the stimuli is overwhelming and it leaves me puzzled. I feverishly look around myself and I have to hold down a scream. I don’t know where I am. Something is holding me in place, my legs are held above the ground and something is close to my face. My breathing is ragged and I’m wheezing. That something in front of me moves and goes closer. I see Jean’s eyes. It’s Jean. He’s holding me and looking at me. I look around myself and remember that we are in Artalin and I’m probably lying on the pavement. Reiner is holding my feet above the ground and propping them against his waist.

“Marco? You hear me right?” Jean asks, still holding me firmly in place.

“Yeah, yeah.” I say breathlessly and grip his shirt. Reiner carefully puts my feet back on the ground and I try to sit up again but Jean pushes me back down.

“Easy, easy. I’ll give you some water, allright?” He says calmingly and stretches an empty hand behind him. Someone pushes an open flask to it, he helps me raise my head and gently brings the flask to my mouth. I grip his side and drink. I feel some droplets run down my chin and spill on my shirt. Jean then pulls the flask away and looks at me again. I’m feeling better now. I calm down a bit and even though I still feel weird and numb I think I’m able to stand. My grip on Jean’s shirt loosens and now my palms are only resting at his sides. My breathing calms down and I shuffle my legs.

“Are we standing up? You want to stand up?” He asks and I nod. He helps me to get on my feet, my head spins and I have to rely on him for a while. He watches me with a careful gaze, supporting me with his hands. I feel like the ground under me might start to spin at any given moment and that I might fall down again. For a moment the world around me goes dark. My head bobs forward and Jean grips my arm tighter and shakes me again. I breathe deeply and the colors return slowly. After a while I’m able to stand by myself without feeling like vomiting. I let go of Jean’s sides and heave a sigh.

“Are you good?” Reiner asks and I nod. Then he turns to Armin raises his eyebrows.

“See? This is exactly what I was talking about. We have to loosen the pace Armin or this will happen more and more often.” Armin sighs and bites his lip.

“I know.” He says and refuses to look at Reiner. I swallow and search for Tilkrin. She’s standing next to Annie, who is holding her bridle tightly. Tilkrin is looking at me with wide scared eyes and she’s stomping her feet nervously. Annie hands me the bridle and Tilkrin pulls back. She’s afraid. Why? Did I do something to her? Armin gets going and we follow him. Tilkrin is following me carefully and I feel her gaze burning into the back of my neck. I try to remember what happened that might have set her off so much.  I think burned her neck when she was trying to get me down from her back. I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean to!

I suddenly notice the change. The world is quieter than it was before. The buzz that has been present for the whole day is gone. I smile in relief and feel a huge weight drop from my shoulders. My feet feel a bit lighter, the day is suddenly brighter and my mind is free.

Actually, it feels more open than it did before like…like a thick wall fell down and a huge space opened. I have never felt anything like that before. The back of my head feels wider and empty somehow. I focus on it and try to explore it. The result makes the hair on my neck stand. I didn’t expect this, but it also feels chillingly familiar. It takes my breath away. The sound makes the new empty space vibrate so much that it seems like my teeth are clattering.

**‘Dragonblessed. We finally hear each other.’**

I trip over my leg and gasp for air. I would fall back down if it wasn’t for the bridle I’m holding. I look around myself. No one is as unnerved as I am. I must be the only one who has heard it. I suppress the urge to stop. I have a really bad feeling about this. I focus again on the vast space in the back of my head and I almost jerk when I feel something foreign and alive. Like someone’s hand is inside my head, poking and gripping my brain. I have no idea what to do. My whole body is shaking. My breath quickens again and I’m about to cry. Why is this happening to me, over and over again? Should I know that voice? Is it even real?

I touch the back of my head. For a split moment I expected to find a huge gaping hole there, but nothing has changed. Fortunately. I swallow hardly and keep exploring the damp skin under my hair. Nothing. Everything is normal, isn’t it? Heh…No it isn’t. I have no idea what the hell is happening. I’m slowing down and Jean notices. His gaze lingers on me and I try my best to pick up the pace. My insides are churning and I want to curl up into a ball and stay like that for the foreseeable future, noticed by no one and away from this world. I want to kneel down and wrap my arms around my torso until the bad feelings go away. I want to cry. But the only thing I can allow myself to do is to keep walking. Hold it inside Marco, hold it tightly. You can do it when you’re alone in the room.

 

We didn’t have to walk long until we reached the tavern, which was right under the wall. It looked quite decent and cozy. If it wasn’t for my condition I would have gone to explore it, take as much experience as I can. Instead, I went to my room, which was on the second floor of the tavern, and closed the door behind me. The humans wanted me to stay downstairs at the bar with them, but I told them that I needed more rest. The little fainting accident of mine added a little more gravity to the situation and they let me go without questions, only telling me to join them any time I wanted. Right now I can’t picture myself anywhere else than this room. I’m curled up on the bed, my back pressed against the wall and I’m just existing. I have been lying in the same position the whole time, breathing in the same rhythm and unable to think straight. I am afraid to think. I still have the feeling that if I think again the voice would come back. The strange presence inside my head is still there, passive but lingering. It is just like a spider on the wall, waiting to be spotted and then only then starting to move. I’m ignoring it. I’m pretending it doesn’t exist. Sometimes the spider walks away by itself, doesn’t it? Oh how glad would I be if it happened right now. If the vast space in the back of my head shrunk and everything would go back to normal. I would go downstairs, drink something with the humans and have a nice night. Reiner and Jean would tease each other, Jean would ask me nosy questions, Armin would try to make him behave and when he’d fail he would turn to Annie in frustration. She would say something deep and clever and it would make us all think about ourselves. I would feel like I belonged.

As my imagination flows through a variety of scenarios, which could happen if I went downstairs, I can feel the empty space vibrate again. I whine in fear and desperation. My hands grip the sides of my head and I curl deeper and tighter. Stop, just stop. I don’t want this to happen. Please. The bubble is pulsing, pushing my brain forward and pressing it against the front of my skull. It is so foreign, alien and cruel. It is like a parasite. Fear clenches my insides, gnaws at my sanity and my hands are pressing to my temples harder and harder. I’m shaking, tears are streaming down my face and my mouth is slightly opened in a mute whine, only an occasional pained yelp escaping. Stop. Stop. Please. Whatever this is, just stop.

But it does the complete opposite. The pulsing strengthens and suddenly the voice is back.

 **‘Why don’t you want me to enter your head?’** The voice asks and no matter how forcefully I push my hands to my ears, it is still as loud as it was before. My teeth clatter and I whine louder. Don’t respond Marco, don’t cooperate. Just keep it together as much as you can. It will go away eventually. I hope.

 **‘I asked you a question. Answer me.’**  The voice demands and I painfully shake my head. I’m not answering anything. I’m not playing this game. Suddenly the bubble does something similar to a harsh push towards my brain and it sends a wave of sharp pain through my body. I yell in pain and shock, my hands too slow to cover my mouth and muffle the scream. Tears fall from my eyes and I grit my teeth.

 _“Enough.”_ I whisper pleadingly and I wipe my tears to the quilt under me. There is a moment of silence. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe as evenly as possible.

 **‘Stop denying me. You know I’m here. You’ll have to talk to me eventually, Marcuilion.’** The voice says and I shiver when it uses my name. Is it saying the truth? Will I have to talk to it? I don’t think I’ll be able to ignore it if the voice decides to stay inside my head for more than a day. I feel a strange anger rising inside the bubble. Is it going to give me another blow? The pressure on my brain grows as the bubble expands. My muscles tighten and I heave a sigh. I feel my brain being squeezed by the sheer force of the bubble. The primal fear for my life makes me lose it. I jolt and my muscles relax. A little hole appears in the bubble and the strange presence suddenly feels closer to my own mind. The pressure fades. Once again I’m left with no clue of what’s happening.

 **‘Finally.’** The voice says in much quieter volume. What did just happen?

 **‘You freed your mind for me. Now the connection between us is stable. It should have happened years ago, I’m sorry for the delay, but there was a certain relative of yours who got in our way.’** What is it talking about? Can it hear my thoughts?

 **‘I can sense your confusion hence I’m going to explain myself to you. I’m the Fire Dragon from the north. Our minds were connected since I gave you the Mark but unfortunately the connection has been broken by your caretaker’s spell. Now that you have gone far away from her the spell got worn down and I came back in matter of seconds.’** He says. Does he mean Hanji? Did Hanji hold some spell over my head so the dragon couldn’t talk to me like he does now? That would mean she has been holding it all those years. That’s impossible, isn’t it? So many questions are surfacing and I don’t know what to ask first. Also, I don’t even know how talk to the dragon, since he doesn’t seem to read my fricking mind even though he is so uncomfortably close to it. I still can’t fully wrap my head around the fact that I’m actively connected to another living being that is currently located miles away from me. Why did he even try so hard to get inside my head where he hasn’t been for the past nineteen years? Why is the connection so necessary? I was just fine without it and I bet that he was too. My head buzzes with questions and the dragon notices.

 **‘I see you have a lot of questions. Just focus your mind on me and imagine the words thoroughly. Every mind in this world has quick thinking, the ideas come and go, many times unfinished and comprehensible only for the subject. If you want me to understand you, you will have to form your question word after word. I am sure you will get used to it and it will only get better as the time goes by.’** I sit up, swallow and nod. How do I focus on him? Should I think of the bubble in the back of my head and then form a question? That’s silly, but worth a try. I close my eyes and try to feel the new space in the back of my head. I immediately grow very much aware of it. Do I do it now? Let’s give it a shot.

‘What do you want from me?’ I spell it carefully, focusing on every word. I feel dragon’s impatience.

 **‘You did it wrong. You should try to imagine the inside of your head and then the part of it that belongs to me. There is a little bridge between them, or a tunnel, if you want. You should picture sending your thought through it.’** I blink a few times and do as he tells me. I try to picture the connection between us. I don’t like that he said that one part of my mind  belongsto him. I don’t like the thought of him owning a part of me, it’s way too early for that. I thought the dragon would be an issue much later, not now when have I barely left my homeland. I try to send the same thought as before. There is a while of silence.

 **‘Such harsh welcoming words, Marcuilion. I will forgive you this time but only because I can see you are scared and that your words are filled with fear. I assure you that there is no reason for you to be uneasy. I mean no harm to you. This would have happened one way or another, it was meant to be. But back to your question, I don’t want much from you. I want you to let the connection between my mind and your mind opened. You saw yourself what I’m capable of if you don’t let me in. Also, I ask you for a little distraction from time to time. One can easily get bored when he is closed inside a mountain.’** He makes it sound so peaceful. I’m finding it hard not to trust him. I have to remember that even though his words are friendly he himself is not. I can sense the warning in his voice. If Hanji has really been blocking him from my head all the time there must have been a reason to it. She must have known something she didn’t tell me before, she must have discovered some kind of dragon’s dark side.

But why didn’t she tell me anything? Why did she keep the connection between me and the dragon as a secret? Why did I have to find out everything by myself? At least she could have given me a letter saying: ‘Hey Marco, don’t worry if you start hearing creepy-ass noises in the middle of the night, it’s not you being funny in the head, it’s just a centuries old dragon who’s trying to break his way into your mind!’ Is it that hard? Would Hanji really let me go without a warning? That Hanji, who always checked if I was good, if I had everything I needed? That Hanji, who gave me a shoulder to cry on the night before my journey? Did she just shut the door behind me and stopped to care, even if she told me she’d never forget me? No, she couldn’t have. I think she genuinely liked me, she wouldn’t lie to me like that. There must have been a valid reason and that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. What could be so bad about the dragon that she had to cut him off forcibly? What should I expect from him? What should I let him see and what should stay hidden from him? I swallow hardly and notice that the dragon has gone silent. The presence fades a bit and the bubble shrinks. Did he leave my head? I hope so.

The door to my room opens and I see Jean standing in the doorframe.  He looks around the room, eyes darting fast like he was looking for something. He seems a bit nervous. I look around the room as well, only in calmer way but notice nothing strange. I look at Jean.

“Yes?” I ask. He just swallows, rubs the back of his head and gives me an apologetic smile.

“I…It’s nothing, I just thought I heard something…” He says and I arch my eyebrows. What is he talking about? I’m sure I was quiet all the time. Is he just making something up?

“But it’s nothing so I’d better go.” He says slowly and starts to back away, but his eyes are not leaving me. He’s looking at me in confusion, frowning slightly. What’s wrong with him? Why is he suddenly looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?

“Wait!” I say and he stops. I get up from my bed and straighten my rumpled clothes.

“I’ll go with you. Are you guys still at the bar?” Jean keeps looking at me with empty eyes and then he shakes his head slightly like he was snapping out of some kind of trance.

“Yes, we are still down there. Did you get enough rest?” He asks and we head out of my room. We talk while we go down the stairs. The noise from the tavern gets a bit louder, I can hear the clinking of cups and cutlery. The other humans are sitting around a table in the corner of the tavern, waiting for their food. They fall back into the conversation they held before and I sit at the table quite absently. I can’t stop thinking about the dragon. How much of a change is he? How often is he going to talk to me? Every day? Will his presence change my behavior? If it does, I hope the humans won’t notice. I feel like I’m bearing too much secrets, like I have to be way too careful while talking to them and taking extra caution with my actions. I don’t like that. So far they have been really nice and kind towards me, Reiner even offered me he’d teach me how to fight. I hate the idea of me not being my true self around them. The idea of playing pretend. They will find out the truth sooner or later, I’m sure of it. I just hope they will be ready for it when they do.

* * *

 

 

We headed out after the dinner. Armin told us to take clean clothes with us, since we were headed to the bathhouse and I was really looking forward to it. A bath. Finally. We went out of the tavern and stepped on the dusty street. The cold blue-grey light of dusk was giving the buildings of Artalin a somber look. The only people we met were those, who were hurrying home and locking the door behind them. The unnerving silence made me stick closer to the group and I had to fight the desire to latch myself onto someone who could protect me.

“Where do I turn to get to the women’s bathhouse?” Annie asks. Armin looks around himself and then points forward.

“Just few more steps ahead and then to the right. I can take you there if you don’t mind.” He says and Annie looks at him with a slow nod. Armin smiles at her and she looks away. They are so kind to each other. We walk those few steps and then Armin tells us to wait him there. He turns to Annie and I can see that he wants to offer her his arm but he thinks it through and he keeps his arm by his side in the end. Annie, however notices and after few steps she herself gently takes Armin’s elbow into her hands and walks a bit closer to him. I can’t help the little smile that appears on my face upon seeing this. It was so gentle. I watch them until they disappear behind a building.

“Someone really wants to plant his cucumber, am I right?” Reiner says and turns to us with a dirty grin. Jean’s little smile fades, his face freezes and he slowly turns to Reiner in disgust.

“You can be such an asshole, Braun. But you know what? I’m not even surprised anymore. I thought that the immature virgin like you would say something like that.” Reiner gives him an offended face and a light scolding frown.

“Speak for yourself Kirschtein, at least I got further than making out with my own pillow.” Jean snorts.

“When?” He asks with a crooked grin and Reiner just huffs angrily.

“I don’t have to tell you everything.” Jean throws his head back and laughs. He smiles with satisfaction and then looks at me.

“What do you say Marco? Do we believe him?”

“I…I can’t really tell, I don’t know.” I stutter and Jean’s smile widens.

“I don’t believe a word he says. Knowing him like I do, I can tell you that every single one of his rendezvous fails miserably at the first pickup line. Would you believe that once, when we were-“

“That would be enough Jean, thank you for your input. How about you and your skills with the ladies, Marco? Is it true that the elvish women are harder to please?” Reiner quickly changes the topic and wiggles his eyebrows at me. Jean rolls his eyes but I can see he’s also curious. Pity that I have to disappoint them. I look at the ground and kick the pavement shyly, feeling myself heating up.

“You have to ask that someone else, I’ve never really…you know.” I say quietly, expecting them to snort, if not completely laugh at me. Instead, Jean puts his arm around my shoulders and looks at Reiner.

“See, see? Our Marco here is also a virgin but look how nice he is. Is he being immature and throwing dick jokes at any given moment? No.” He says, hardly covering the grin.

“But he’s older.” Reiner snaps and crosses his arms on his chest.

“What do you mean by that?” Jean asks, still not letting go of my shoulders.

“I mean he’s had more time to accept his fate.” He says with a toothy grin, Jean laughs and I hang my head low. Could we like…stop? This is getting embarrassing. Jean keeps grinning.

“More time to accept his fate, you’re killing me Braun.” He says and shakes his head. We turn when we hear footsteps, all of us expecting to see Armin, but it isn’t him. Instead, a young elf is walking towards us, wearing clothes which are entirely human. No long skirt or detailed ornaments on the hems. No earthy colors, no jewelry.  I can’t take my eyes off her, it’s so strange to see her dressed as a human, so plain and pragmatic. Reiner and Jean also can’t stop staring at her, but there’s a different reason to it. Jean throws a warning look at Reiner, who doesn’t notice it and elbows Jean in the ribs with a sly grin. As the girl walks past us he turns his head to her and comments on her so she hears it.

“Wow, how pretty you are! Like a painting my dear! I would put you in my pocket and carry you around all the time!” I hide my face in my hands and try to hide my embarrassment. I might sound like Armin now, but this is really unacceptable and rude. At least I’m not the only one who thinks it.

“What the fuck was that supposed to be?” Jean mutters lowly and looks at Reiner. He just shrugs and points at the girl, who keeps walking and acts like nothing has happened, with his thumb and says:

“She was hot. I had to tell her. Maybe I made her day.”

“I really doubt that.” I mutter and feel myself heating up from the embarrassment that still lasts.

“You’re hot!” Jean exclaims and quickly moves his hand away from my shoulders. My head shoots up and I look at him in confusion. What does he mean…did he feel my heat or…? He’s frowning at his hand and then gives me a puzzled look. Reiner whistles at him.

“Jean I didn’t know you were int-“

“Not like that you dumbass, I mean he’s really hot.” Jean says and then he quickly puts his palm on my forehead. Oh dear, what do I do? He noticed. I can’t think of anything to say, I just stare at Jean and he stares at me. When he checks the temperature he looks at me with concern.

“Do you feel good? Because you’re burning.” I swallow and before I can start to make excuses Reiner speaks up.

“Are you sure? He’d be red in the face and shivering if he had a fever. Let me check…” His palm aims for my forehead and I quickly cool down. Jean was a mistake, I won’t let it happen twice. Reiner feels my forehead and then looks at Jean.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, he’s totally fine.” He says and lets go of me. I heave a little sigh of relief and Jean’s frown deepens.

“Really? I’d swear to God that he…” He says and when he’s trying to check my head again I gently brush his hand away.

“Would you two stop? I’m feeling fine, thank you.” I say and they are taken aback a bit by my stern answer. Reiner shrugs it off and turns away to look at the street that Armin is supposed to come back with. Jean also turns away but I can feel the side glances he’s giving me. This was a big mishap. How could I let myself heat up with his hand spread over my shoulders? I’m sure he won’t forget this.

Armin came back shortly after that and we went to the bathhouse. After three days of travelling I was finally able to wash the dirt and old sweat away from me. I can’t tell when was the last time I felt such a relief. The bath was very similar to the one I had in the palace in Jinae, only there were no herbs in the second tub. I was glad anyway. We spent some time in the bathhouse, each of us in separate room and when we were leaving Jean was rambling on ‘how he finally got his privacy and he didn’t have to sit in a steamy room full of other dudes like he always does.’ That left me wondering if I’ll have to undergo that experience as well. I guess it will be inevitable. We meet Annie on the same junction she left us and then head straight back to the tavern. The city streets are covered in darkness and we are glad when we reach our rooms. I open the door to my room and it’s completely dark inside. How do I…? I make sure the door behind me is closed and I light a fire inside my palm. It’s a small flame, a handful of it but it is enough for me to make out the furniture so I don’t trip over something. Only now I notice the room has two beds, one on each side of the room. I must have been way too distracted by the dragon if I didn’t notice the second bed. There’s also a small table pushed against the wall and between the beds. I smile when I notice a thick candle sitting on the table and by a smooth move of my hand I sent the ball of flames slowly flying towards it. It hovers just above the wick and then disappears when the candle is burning by itself. I look at the other bed.  I wonder who’ll be my roommate for tonight. I sit on my bed and wait for a little while, but then I decide to change into my nightgown. Sleeping in it will be much more comfortable than sleeping in the tunic that I have been wearing for three days. When I reach take the nightgown out I hear a muffled scream from the room next to me.

“Fucking hell!” I hear Reiner yelling and I freeze on the bed. I hear fast steps on the hallway and then the door to Reiner’s room opens.

“What happened?” I hear Annie’s voice.

“A squirrel.” Reiner growls angrily.

“A what?”

“A squirrel! It hid inside my bag again. At least it didn’t bite me this fuckin’ time.” He says and I stand up from the bed, leaving the nightgown on the pillow. I have to see that. I go out of my room and stop in the doorframe leading into Reiner’s. The room is dimly lit by a candle but I still can see Reiner looking up at the top of the room’s only closet where a brush of red fur is hiding.

“I opened my bag and it jumped right at me. Nearly got a heart attack!” He says, I hear other footsteps and Jean appears next to me.

“Are you kidding me? Another squirrel?” He asks in disbelief, but also mockingly.

“Take a look if you don’t believe it. It’s right up there.” He says bitterly and carefully examines his bag for any other animal. When he finds none he sighs and starts digging through his stuff. Jean indeed comes closer to the closet and looks up to meet squirrel’s curious eyes.

“Do you think it’s the one from morning?” I ask him and he shrugs, eyes not leaving the squirrel.

“I don’t think so, that would be too much of a coincidence.” He says and he turns away when the squirrel hides again.

“What are we going to do about it?” Annie asks and Reiner raises his head.

“I’ll open the window and it’ll jump out eventually. Now could you guys please go? I’d like to change from my old clothes. I know it’s tempting to stay here for the show, but-“

“Yeah, we get it. Like I didn’t see you shirtless before” Jean mutters and walks out of the room. I’m surprised when both Jean and Annie follow me into my room with their bags. When I stop at my doorstep and give them a shy questioning look Jean explains that they’ll be having the night’s watch and they’ll change after four hours, one of them sleeping in the second bed and the other one standing outside the room, guarding.

“You are going to do this here as well? We’re not in the forest or anything.” I ask and Annie nods.

“You can get mugged or killed everywhere.” She says and truth to be told, it scares me a bit. She…could have put it more lightly. I let them in and sit on my bed. They set their bags next to the free bed and Jean gears up. He takes his two light swords and walks out of the room. I’m left with Annie in the dimly lit room. I wiggle on the mattress and watch Annie as she looks through her bag.

“What do we do now?” I ask.

“I’m going to sleep. I advise you to do the same.” She says, still looking through her bag. I nod quietly and take my nightgown in my hands. I take my boots off and start tugging at the hem of my leggings. Annie fishes out her nightgown and looks at me. I look back at her.

“Would you mind?” She says and makes some strange gesture. I don’t really understand what she meant by that. I look at her in confusion and when she waves her hand at me in shooing motion I finally get it. She wants me to turn away.

“Yes, of course! I’m sorry.” I peep and I feel myself heating up. I should finally learn how to control those heat waves, today it got me into problems. That shouldn’t be happening. I turn away from Annie and start changing my clothes. We lay ourselves in our beds wordlessly. I gasp lightly when the muscles on my back start to relax, making me feel the good kind of pain, the relieving one. The quilt is covering my whole body, all the way up to my chin and I nuzzle my nose into it. Nice and comfortable. I close my eyes and I’m ready to sleep when I remember I left the candle lit. I open my eyes and look at the candle on the table. C’mon. Why didn’t I think of it before I achieved the perfect sleep position? I look at the flame that seems to be mocking me with it’s cheerful jumpy moves. Sure I could extinguish it from here just the way I lit it, but Annie would see me and it would sure bring some questions. I look at her. She’s lying on her side, her back to me, breathing slowly and evenly. Is she asleep already? Should I risk it? I bite my lip and watch her a bit longer. She suddenly takes a big shuddering breath and my heart skips a beat. She swallows and wiggles a bit but nothing more. I think she’s asleep. I look at the candle again and decide to do it. It takes one little flick of hand to extinguish the fire. A tiny strand of smoke is the only thing left of it. I hide my hand back under the quilt and I close my eyes with a content smile. In my head I give myself a pat on the back. I relax and give into my tiredness. Today was a strange day. I visited a new city, I fell off my horse, I fainted and most importantly – I found out that I’m not going to be alone. Ever. It might sound all happy and warm but in my case it’s a whole different thing. From today on, my head doesn’t shelter my mind only, no. There are two beings inside it, sharing the space. It’s like I got a roommate that, instead of a room occupies my mind. A mindmate then? Whatever. It’s strange and I’m surprised how easily I forgot about it when Jean walked into my room and took me downstairs to join the humans. Now dragon’s space feels passive. There’s no pressure, no sharp blows, only the presence. The connection between our minds is opened, I can feel it, but he’s not using it right now. But when I concentrate hard enough I can feel his mind. I can squeeze myself through the connection and get a little peek of what’s happening on the other side of the line. There are emotions. I suddenly feel a wave of calmness and content, something that makes me want to hum quietly to express my good mood. Is the dragon feeling this? I think yes. I withdraw my mind from his. I feel guilty for spying on him, but that is hugely overpowered by the serenity he infected me with. It lasts and it makes me lightheaded. I find it easy to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you have any questions or any type of feedback, feel free to write it in the comments, they always make my day :) 
> 
> FYI, I have a [ tumblr ](http://www.yayapear.tumblr.com/)  
> And I made a [ map ](http://yayapear.tumblr.com/post/96868629011/i-spent-an-entire-day-on-doing-this-map-to-my)of the kingdom for better orientation:  
> 


	5. Butterfly

“Hey, wake up.”  I feel a hand shaking me, trying to wake me up. I wiggle in the bed and bury my nose deeper into the quilt. I’m awake but I don’t want to get up. I feel like this is the first decent bed I’ve had in years. It’s soft and nice and warm, I wouldn’t mind staying in it the whole day. The hand shakes me again and I groan. Oh dear, cut me some slack. You can’t expect me to jump out of the bed right away. I hear a quiet sigh and the fingers tighten around my shoulder.

“C’mon sleeping beauty, we have to check out from here.” I recognize Jean’s voice and I crack an eye open. My vision is a bit blurry but I can see he’s leaning above me, fully clothed and ready to go. His posture is telling me that we really are a bit in hurry. He shakes me when I close my eyes again. Allright, allright, I’m up. I shrug his hand off my shoulder and sit up on the bed. Jean takes a few steps back with a satisfied smile and then turns away from me to pack his old clothes into his bag. I stretch my hands up and scratch the back of my head with a yawn.

“Wait, what did you just tell me? Did you call me sleeping beauty?” I ask when my consciousness fully kicks in. Jean turns to me with casual, maybe a bit surprised expression.

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, what did you mean by that? You find me…beautiful?” I ask, genuinely confused. Jean looks at me for a long while, also confused. I hear a scoff from the other corner of the room. I look there and I find Annie lying on the bed and looking at us with amusement in her eyes.

“I…no, that’s not what I meant. You don’t know the story, am I right?” Jean says and I look back at him.

“What story?”

“The fairytale about Sleeping Beauty.” I shake my head.

“Well, it’s a story about a girl falling asleep for hundred years because of a curse.”

“And?” I ask, still not getting it.

“And her name was Sleeping Beauty. So…you know…when someone sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to wake up you call him uh…Sleeping Beauty. Because…she slept for hundred years.” He explains.

“That’s silly.” I say. Annie snorts again and Jean shrugs.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Like, why did her parents decide to call her Sleeping Beauty instead of some other, nicer name?”

“It was because of that curse, maybe she had a name but everyone called Sleeping Beauty.”

“Why would they do that?” Jean throws his hands in the air.

“I don’t know. Does it matter?” I look at him and then shake my head. That conversation was going nowhere, it was a fairytale after all. It caught my eye because I saw some similarity in it. A cursed girl being reminded of her curse every day by the nickname. I would like to hear the whole story to see how much of a parallel it is to my own life. Or how it ends for the girl.

“How does that story end?” I ask while putting my boots on. Jean picks up my bag and hands it to me.

“Sleeping Beauty gets a true love’s kiss and it breaks the curse. Then she lives happily ever after with a prince, who kissed her.”

“That’s cute… But how did a girl like her get to live with a prince? What was he even doing there, kissing a random sleeping girl?”

“She wasn’t just a random girl, she was a princess too!”

“Oh…I didn’t know that.”

“You should listen to the whole story, then it would be much clearer for you.” Annie says with a little smile.

“Would you tell me the story of Sleeping Beauty?” I ask Jean and he gives me a surprised and uncertain look.

“Heh, no one has ever asked me to do that…but yeah, why not? Not now, ‘cause we have to go, but later today, allright?” He says and I nod. So the Sleeping Beauty’s curse can be broken by a simple kiss. How cute. It would be nice if the same thing could free me from my ‘blessing’. I know I’m supposed to be honored and proud of what I am, I should be happy to be the one who leads my nation to salvation, but I’m not. And I really doubt that my story ends with me living happily ever after.

We walk out of the room and meet with Armin and Reiner. We walk down the stairs, order and eat a breakfast and check out at the bar, leaving the tavern and heading to the stable to retrieve our horses. Armin said that today we’ll cross Artalin, leave through the western gate and travel to Vemlian by the northern bank of Drynstill.

“But first we need to find a place where we can get you some disguise.” He says and when no one answers I realize that he probably addressed it to me.

“A disguise? What for?” I ask, looking at my clothes.

“Since we’re in the land of men, there will be humans only. People are not used to elves, they don’t trust them, there are still rumors around them and you might get in trouble.” Armin explains while attaching his luggage to his horse’s back.

“Just for being an elf?” I ask, my eyes narrowing. Armin sighs and looks at me apologetically.

“I’m sorry to say it but yes, just for being an elf. I know it’s very offensive and unfair, but there aren’t much people who are as open minded as we are. You should disguise yourself to avoid all the inconvenience. Would that be okay?” I hesitate for a while. It’s not like I’ve never done it before, I’ve ran across Jinae as a mysterious hooded person countless times, but I always had a choice. What Armin is telling me right now is either I disguise myself or I’ll get in a lot of trouble because my race is wrong to some people. I don’t like that idea. I feel something moving inside me, rising to resist.

 **‘You should not let that happen. Do not let them cover who we are.’** I hear the dragon say and it takes me by surprise. I forgot he was here. I clench my jaw, ignore his opinion and focus on mine.

“Just what inconvenience do you have in mind exactly? I can’t really imagine the trouble I might get into, you know.” I say, trying to find the balance I was thrown off when the dragon came back. Armin looks at me and I notice he unconsciously takes a step back from me. Maybe I was too harsh on him. I can see he’s struggling with words, he doesn’t know what to say. That only lasts for a split second and then his diplomatic side kicks in.

“Well, people usually give the elvish travelers nasty glares, they spit on the ground, slur on them and hide their kids, because they believe elves steal children during the night. There were some cases in which humans attacked the elves, but that wouldn’t be our problem, since we are here to protect you. Generally, travelling is very stressful and uncomfortable for elves.” He says and a silence follows. The others are looking at me as well, waiting for my response. I’m not going to comment how I don’t want to believe what Armin just told me. I never thought travelling through the kingdom would be a piece of cake, but this? Slurs, spitting on the ground, that’s just stupid. And why would any elf want to steal human children? On what story is this superstition based? It annoys me and I’m glad that Armin, Annie, Jean and Reiner aren’t like this. I don’t know what I would do if one of them had some nasty remarks about my race.

I nod and think about it, even though Armin already persuaded me. I think I’m going to do it. After all, it also might be exciting.

 “Allright, let’s do it.” I hear myself say. I believe Armin wouldn’t choose this solution if there was a better one. I’ll trust him with this. Armin nods and then we lead our horses out of the tavern stable. The morning sun is bright, but not very hot. I squint my eyes and follow Armin. The dragon jabs me sharply and I jolt.

 **‘Why did you not listen to me?’**  He hisses and shiver runs down my spine. Why does it matter to him? It’s just a detail. I’d like to tell him I didn’t agree with him, but it’s hard to focus on walking and transmitting at the same time. I don’t answer him and keep walking. He jabs me again. Oh god, how does he do that?! I would love to punch him back right now.

‘Stop it!’ I snap at him, not knowing if he heard me. I feel his annoyance, his cold anger. What’s wrong with him?

I guess the dragon heard me and he understood that I’m not able to talk to him yet. It requires a lot of concentration and I can’t do it right now. He stopped talking to me, but he didn’t leave me alone, I can still feel his anger. I might know him just for a little while, but I’m sure he is very demanding and likes to be in control. He wants me to obey and it makes him angry when I don’t, what isn’t a very good trait for someone who I share my mind with.

* * *

 

 

Armin leads us through the city, looking around, searching for something. The streets are more crowded now than they were yesterday. There are people and elves, selling all kinds of stuff in their little shops, talking, bargaining and showing their goods to bystanders. I would expect the street market to be noisy and hectic but it’s very quiet and the merchants are well-mannered. Armin stops at one shop where an old woman is selling threads. Her face is tanned heavily, wrinkled and her eyes are very dark and vivid. She has he hair covered by a thick white scarf which twists and falls down her shoulder.  Armin starts talking to her, but they are too far from us for me to catch what they are talking about. The woman listens to Armin and then she nods and starts to talk, gesturing wildly and nodding a lot. In the end Armin nods, gives her two golden coins, raises his palm and stretches up his index and middle finger. The woman laughs, repeats the gesture with a knowing look and shows him her toothless smile. Armin thanks her again and then comes back to us, grinning lightly and heads into a smaller side street.

“Who was that? You guys talked like you knew each other already.” Reiner asks when we all enter the small street. Armin turns to him and shakes his head with a smile.

“No, no, I don’t know her. I just saw she’s a Pighi and that she might know where to get an urmah.” He says matter-of-factly. Honestly, I have a very little idea what he’s talking about. I look at the others if they are as puzzled as I am, but they’re not. My eyes dart from one face to another and I purse my lips.

“What for?” Annie asks. Armin turns to her and smiles shyly.

“Well, I thought we could disguise Marco as a Pighi, he has all the feaures.” He says and deepens my confusion. They all stop, look at me and Jean tilts his head. He walks around me, scans me from the bottom to the top and nods approvingly.

“If it wasn’t for the tattoo, pointy ears and freckles I wouldn’t spot difference. And Pighis are a lot fatter.” He says, stops few feet in front of me and looks into my eyes. He holds my gaze and I don’t know what to think. I shake my head after a while and look at Armin.

“I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about!” I say and Armin squirms a bit.

“Oh, right! Well, Pighi is a nation living on grasslands southwest from Rameck and…you look very much like them. They have black hair, tanned skin and dark eyes, much darker than yours. They also dress differently, they wear long robes called urmah and they cover their entire head except for the eyes. I thought it would be a good disguise for you.”

“Yeah, he could definitely pull that off.” Reiner says and I nod carefully. We start walking again.

“So you asked the woman where to get urmah and then what?” I ask. Armin doesn’t turn to me this time.

“She knew a merchant and she told me how to get to him. We’re going there now, he’ll teach you how to put urmah on and how to behave like a Pighi, so you don’t raise suspicion.”

“Is that…a common service in human cities?” I ask, but somehow I know the answer is going to be no. Armin laughs quietly.

“Not officially, but in every city you’ll find someone who can help you disappear and won’t tell anyone.”

“How can you be so sure about it?”

“Well, it’s their job. In order to build a good reputation they have to keep their customer’s secrets. Besides, do you remember how I showed this,” he stretches his middle and index finger again, “to the shopkeeper? It’s a special gesture in their language that means: keep it to yourself. She agreed to do it and people from her nation always keep their promises. They are taught to do so, it’s rooted deeply in their culture. So I’m pretty sure she won’t tell anyone.” He says and glances above his shoulder to look at me. He winks, smiles and I relax. We go down the street, then turn right keep walking. The street is very thin and it’s difficult for our horses to squeeze through. They are nervous, they snort a lot and their eyes are wide. I can hear Jean talking to Buchwald in an attempt to calm him down. Tilkrin is breathing on my neck and when I turn to look at her she jerks her head away from me and nearly hits the wall. She’s still afraid of me. My heart sinks when I think of it. She trusted me fully until yesterday. We have known each other since I was twelve and now we feel more distant than we felt the day we met for the first time. I don’t like it this way, it makes me even more alone. I would love to show her that I won’t do it again, that I didn’t do it on purpose and she’s safe with me, but I can only wait now. I won’t force her into it, I’ll wait patiently until she realizes I’m no threat to her.

We stop in front of a small shop built on the ground floor of one building. It has large glass windows showing the insides. A sign is hung above the front door saying: Sidzu’s Smoke Shop. Annie volunteers to stay outside and guard the horses while we are inside. We enter the shop and a strong, bitter scent of dried smoke herbs falls on us like a thick blanket. It’s not unpleasant, just surprising. It’s the first time for me to smell something like this, since elves don’t smoke. We look around the shop, eyeing the various mixtures of herbs and their strange names. The room is rather small, the walls are made of stone and covered with many shelves on top of which jars filled with smoking materials are laid. In the back of the room, against the main entrance is a wooden counter with brass scales and a scroll with prices. The wall behind the counter is hidden behind a thick black courtain which rippled a little when we opened the door and let the new air in. We are just about to spread in the shop and start looking through it and examining the goods when the courtain ripples again and we can see a tall, middle aged plump man pushing it to the side so he can walk into the main room. A smile appears on his wide face and he spreads his hands into what I guess is a welcoming gesture. Armin was right, we look quite alike. He is dressed in a long white robe which only shows his hands and feet. He also wears a scarf around his head which covers his hair and ears. His eyes are very dark, almost black and he has black smears around his eyes. I don’t know what those are.

“Welcome! My name is Sidzu and this is my shop. Are you just browsing or are you looking for something in particular?” He says and sets his hands on the counter. I smile. It feels so good to finally see someone who looks at least a bit like me, it’s relaxing. It’s strange, but with every day I’m away from home I feel like I belong more and more.

Armin steps up and starts talking to Sidzu in the Pighi language. Sidzu’s face changes from the welcoming smile into an understanding and serious grimace and when Armin is done talking he answers him with a nod.

“Of course, of course. Follow me.” He says and leads us behind the courtain. The room behind it is bigger and darker. The walls are covered in various cloths and fabrics, there is a table with very short legs in the middle of the room and the whole space is illuminated by candles and mirrors which are laid out carefully, so they reflect the light from the candles and make the room brighter than it would be without them. Our steps are muted by a thick carpet laid on the floor and I feel bad for walking on it with my boots on. Sidzu tells us to sit around the table and then disappears behind another courtain. This place must be much bigger than it looks. We hear him talk to someone and then he walks further away from us. I wiggle a bit on my spot, not really knowing how to sit. I’ve never seen a table this little. I touch the surface with my hand and look at it more properly. I wouldn’t find anything like this in the palace.

“Pighis travel a lot, they are a nomadic nation. All their furniture is this small, so it can be easily packed and transported to another place.” Armin says when he sees how thoroughly I’m examining the tiny table. I raise my head and look at Armin in mild surprise.

“Do they just pack their whole house and leave the place where they live?” I ask in disbelief.

“Yeah they do.” Armin says and I find it quite hard to believe.

“But…how? They can take the furniture, but what about the house?” Armin blinks but then smiles.

“Oh no, they live in big tents. They can fold them and carry them around.” He explains. So that’s how it works. I never thought someone could live in a tent. I only knew stone or wooden houses from where I lived. Elves were never very fond of travelling. They like their homes stable and certain, so no force whatsoever can make them move away. In their lives they only want one place to call their home. The only exception I know is Hanji, she had no problem with spending twenty years of her life on Flare archipelago, away from Jinae and Selsa forest.

A young man walks into the room, carefully carrying a metal tray with very small cups, three tiny bowls and a little jug. He sets he jug and bowls on our table and puts one cup in front of each one of us. He’s also dressed in a long robe, but this one is light brown. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even look at us, only walks away from the table and disappears behind a courtain. Armin takes the metal jug and fills his cup with…whatever it is on the inside. It’s thick, yellow and it trickles down very slowly.

“What the hell is that?” Reiner whispers with half terrified, half disgusted face. Armin smiles mysteriously stirs his cup.

“That’s Elephant’s eye-“

“What!?” Reiner, Jean and I sputter at once. Armin rolls his eyes slightly.

“No, not a real eye, it’s just a name of the drink, guys. It’s good, you should give it a try.” He says and tilts each one of the bowls so he can see what’s inside. It looks like there are spices inside, some brown powder, a red powder and then freshly chopped leaves of what I recognize is peppermint. Armin takes a pinch from the fragile brown powder and sprinkles it on top of the drink.

“You put either cinnamon, saffron or mint on top of it and then you sip it slowly.” He says and brings the cup to his mouth. We watch him and when his face doesn’t squirm in disgust I decide to give it a try. Armin meets my eyes and offers me the jug, which I take with a quiet ‘thank you’. I wait until a large drop of Elephant’s eye falls into my mug and I bring it to my nose. Smells like vanilla. I take a little testing sip and it tastes just like it smells; soft and sweet. It’s really good, I like it. Jean and Reiner also pour themselves a cup. Jean hums in approval.

“Tastes better than it looks,” he mutters, “what’s in it?” Armin shrugs and keeps drinking. We don’t wait much longer until Sidzu joins us again. We move so he has enough space to sit between us and I accidentally nudge Jean’s knee a bit too forcefully. I hiss a quiet ‘sorry’ and he accepts it with a kind smile. Then we look back at Sidzu, who sets his tan hands on the table and looks at us all.

“So, gentlemen, your friend here has briefly told me what this all is about, but let’s go through it again, shall we? You all need a disguise right”

“No, just me.” I find myself saying. Sidzu looks at me, eyes me from top to bottom. His eyes stop at my pointy ears and I realize we are not as similar as I thought.

“Just you…allright then. You need to avoid unwanted attention, I suppose.” He says and I swallow.

“Yes, that’s usually why people need a disguise.” Jean says bitterly and I see how Armin hits him in the hip under the table. Jean conceals his hiss of pain, bites his lip and Armin speaks up.

“My friend has a good reason to travel incognito and he would like to keep that reason to himself.” Armin says and Sidzu nods.

“Very well then, I won’t ask any questions. I respect my customer’s privacy. Now I’m going to get fitting urmah for you, so could you come with me, please?” He says and looks at me for a second, only to let his gaze shift away again. I nod, stand up and follow Sidzu. He takes me through a red courtain with flowers and a narrow passageway appears, the walls still covered in a ton of fabrics, scarves and carpets. When I was younger, I often crawled into my chest with clothes and played inside it, fantasizing of adventures of a one inch me who travels by tunnels through the layers of clothes. This passage is exactly what it would look like if that fantasy came true. I smile widely and look around myself. This is so bizarre! Even the ceiling is covered by the fabrics. Sidzu suddenly reaches into the wall, his hand comes through it and he takes a big wooden box from behind it. I look at him in disbelief and then I try it myself. I touch the wall, my hand gets swallowed by the colourful scarves and there’s nothing behind it. There’s no stone or wood to touch, the scarves must be hanging from the ceiling. I would look behind it, but Sidzu is way ahead of me, so I turn away from the fabric wall and pick up my pace. In one place he pushes the veil to the side and it reveals a small room with a mirror, a wooden chair and a small box on top of it. How does he not get lost inside here? It’s a labyrinth, if he told me now to go back, I wouldn’t know how. Sidzu sets the big box on the ground and opens it, revealing a bundle of earthly-coloured fabrics. He takes out a white one, stretches it and lifts it.

“Please, open your arms. And take your boots off, please.” He says and I obey. I stretch my arms to the sides and he holds the thing by my shoulders. He examines it, then shakes his head. He tries more and more, but every time he shakes his head.

“Young man, you are too thin! For someone this tall you should be at least twice as wide as you are now! I can’t find you a fitting urmah, that’s how thin you are.” He exclaims and I laugh nervously. Well, what else can I do about it? It’s not like I can magically change my body. My lack of response draws Sidzu’s attention. He looks at me, still holding the urmah.

“You know, us Pighis like it when there’s a bit more mass.” He says with a smile and pats his belly.

“But you could be worse, don’t worry about it too much. At least you’ve got nice muscles,” He slaps me forcefully on my bicep. Hey, where did he leave all his manners? They were here just a second ago, “I heard that’s what the girls from kingdom like. And boys envy.” He adds baring his teeth in a wide smile. They shine against his tan skin. I give him a slightly confused look.

“Well, don’t look at me like that, you know what I’m talking about. That boy sitting next to you was looking at them like he has never seen anything like it before.” He says and holds another urmah by my neck, light green this time. That actually catches my attention. Which ‘boy’ sitting next to me, there were Jean and Reiner. Well, when I actually think about it, it probably wasn’t Reiner. But I most certainly didn’t notice Jean looking at my arms in any way, let alone envious. Also, Sidzu might be exaggerating, my arms aren’t really that muscular.

“This one could fit you quite well what do you think?” He asks and snaps me out of my thoughts. This one is dark brown with orange hems. I like it. I nod and Sidzu smiles.

“Good, pull down your clothes and try it on!”

* * *

 

 

The urmah is still a bit too wide for me. Sidzu calls the young man again, tells him something in their language and the only thing I can understand is the other man’s name is Marika. He disappears again and then returns with a small box. He opens it and takes out a dozen of pins. They tell me to stand still and Marika marks the places where he clothing needs to be tightened with the pins, then they tell me to pull it off again. I feel myself heating up in shame, even though they turned away from me.  I quickly pull the leggings back on, Marika takes the urmah and walks away from the room. Just when I start to pull my tunic back on Sidzu gestures me to sit on the wooden chair and takes the small box , which was lying there, into his hands.

“Now, this is dasuadu, this thing we wear around the eyes.” He says and points at the smudges on his eyelids. “So let me put it on you, I’ll show you how to do it.” I nod and he opens the box. There’s something black inside and a thick small brush. He dips the brush into the black powder and starts to put it on my eyes, often asking me to stop jerking away and blinking so much. I can’t help it, no one has ever painted my eyes.

“That is a very strange tattoo you have here, young man.” He says when he’s painting over The Mark. The powder falls down my cheeks and tickles me in the nose.

“It’s a birthmark.” I say, and Sidzu gasps quietly.

“Very strange, indeed.” He says and then we remain silent. I hear a rustle of fabric when Marika comes back with the altered urmah and I try it on again. This time it fits very well and I feel good in it. Then Sidzu shows me how to cover my head and face properly and we repeat it until I don’t need any help.

I jolt when I see myself in the mirror. There’s someone completely different staring back at me, eyes darkened, face covered with brown scarf and body hidden by layers of coloured fabric. Even though the dress is soft and comfortable, I feel bad, I feel like I’m not myself anymore. I clench my jaw and feel tears approaching. I don’t know why I’m so emotional all of a sudden. There’s still the same Marco under the makeup and the clothes, so what’s the big deal? I turn from side to side, still looking at myself in the mirror. Sidzu mistakes my shock for awe.

“Nice, isn’t it?” He asks proudly.

Is it? Isn’t it? I don’t know. I didn’t think…I didn’t _expect_ …

 **‘So this is what you wanted? You look…’** The dragon doesn’t finish. I look into my eyes in the mirror. They look so foreign with the black rim. The only thing which connects them with me is the deep confusion and fear inside them.

‘I look how?’ I ask the dragon.

 **‘Forget it.’** He says and I feel his annoyance. That doesn’t help. I turn away from the mirror. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 

 

When we return to the first room where Armin, Jean and Reiner are waiting, my head is filled with customs, greetings and rules of Pighi culture. The learning process was very fast, demanding and drained a lot of energy from me. The hardest part of it was trying to look like I wasn’t in the middle of and internal battle. The dragon was quiet, but kept flooding me with his feelings of refusal and disgust. Staying focused and not letting the emotions from dragon affect me was very hard and right now I feel like sleeping, not travelling all the way to Vemlian. I really should ask Armin to loosen the pace, else I’ll pass out again. Right now he’s looking at me in silent approval. He’s probably satisfied, he thinks he has made the whole journey more bearable and comfortable for me. I thought that too few minutes ago. He smiles mysteriously and looks at Reiner and Jean. They are looking at me with eyebrows raised, amused grimaces on their faces. Sidzu walks in from behind me and gently puts his hand on my back.

“So, gentlemen, what do you think?” He asks, expecting them to praise him. And they do. I shuffle my feet awkwardly and eye the ground. I don’t want to look at them. Armin stands up from his seat on the ground, walks closer to me and asks me if he can take a closer look. I nod quietly and he takes the fabric of my dress and mingles it between his fingers.

“It’s good, it’s really good.” He says. Then he tells us to go outside and wait for him. Jean and Reiner get up from their seats and Reiner accidentally kicks the tiny table. The cups jiggle and Reiner manages to catch his one right before it topples over the edge.

“Nice catch.” Sidzu says and Reiner grins. He looks inside his cup and then raises his gaze.

“Hey chief!” He yells after Sidzu, who’s turning away from him. “What’s in this?” He asks and points at the cup.

“Water, vanilla, honey, flour and elephant milk. You mix it together and boil it.” Sidzu says with a soft smile. Reiner nods and then we walk out of the smoke shop.

“Did he really say elephant milk??” He asks once we are outside.

 

Armin walks out of the shop after few minutes. Now we go to Vemlian. He tells us to go back to the main street and keep following him. He pushes something soft into my hand.

“You forgot this at the smoke shop.” He says and I take it with a smile. Then I realize he can’t see my mouth, so I thank him out loud. He nods, tells me that the disguise is very good and convincing and then he walks to the front of our group to lead us. I look at what he gave me. I’m holding my old clothes, neatly folded and strangely small.

**‘That is all what is left of the real you.’**

I just keep walking.

* * *

 

 

We get out of the city around noon. Reiner sighs heavily when he has to leave the walls. They get into the defense formation and we spur our horses. The way to Vemlian is built right next to Drynstill river. Drynstill has drilled it’s canyon deeply into the limestone and rushes many feet below us. The light blue water is wild and the white foam jumps up angrily and reaches high up the cliffs. It sinks it’s teeth into the cliffs, roars and never stops. It is pure energy. Today the way takes the longest time so far. Armin raises our moods when he says that today, for this part of journey, we travel for the last time and that we’re getting to Agloson by ship through the Aglo lake. And we’ll also stay in the Agloson garrison for a few days to rest properly and get more supplies and money. It sounds promising. I’m looking forward to those free days in Agloson.

We reach Vemlian many hours after sunset. Wise men say it’s not good to travel at night, but we don’t have enough time in our schedule to afford waiting it out. Our state is something way beyond exhaustion. I feel like I’m just going to collapse at any given moment and never ever get up. We cross the city and I don’t even bother to look at the houses, I’m too tired. I sluggishly take one step after another, praying to whatever there is to make the Vemlian port appear behind the next corner. It doesn’t. We keep following the brown signs showing the way to the port. I’m starting to hate this city.

 **‘You are tired.’** Oh great, I already started to miss you. **‘Get some rest.’** Easier said than done. I’ll rest on the boat, even if there wasn’t any bed. I would just sleep on them damn floor, see if I care.

‘I will.’ I tell the dragon. He hums and then leaves me alone, probably knowing that I’m seriously in no mood to talk whatsoever.

“Oh, thank fucking god.” Jean says when we enter the port. Except for the fact it doesn’t really look like a port. It’s more like a muddy shore of the lake with a shabby pier and a single torch burning on a tiny wooden house. Wet dirt makes squirting sounds under our boots. There’s no pavement, just grass and dirt. Our horses, heavy with our luggage leave deep trails behind. I don’t like this place. It looks cheap and lazy, it looks like it has never seen any proper boat. I take a sharp breath and I hear Armin doing the same thing. We walk to the tiny house and thankfully the ground under our feet hardens. There’s a big window in front of us and someone is sleeping behind it, head rested on some kind of counter. Armin walks to the window and gently taps on it, but there’s no response. He knocks. Still nothing. Reiner groans in irritation and loudly bangs at the wooden wall. The person inside jumps and looks around himself. It’s an elderly man with a big, pear-shaped nose, brushy white eyebrows and beady eyes. He’s wearing a brown coat and a red hat. He shamelessly rolls his eyes upon seeing us and sets his gaze on Armin.

“Good evening sir, can we arrange the boat trip here?” Armin asks politely.

“Good night to you too, yes you can.” He says and pulls a candle closer to him. He reaches for a flint and fumbles with it, trying to light the candle. His hands are shaky and the sparks are narrowly avoiding the wick. He’s taking his sweet time. Is he doing it on purpose? We are all sighing impatiently, getting more and more irritated with every scratch of the flint. I grit my teeth, stretch my hand and hide it in the fabric of my urmah where no one can see it. I flick my fingers, just a minuscule movement and the candle inside the house lights. The man blinks in surprise, he probably didn’t expect to see any fire this night. My group relaxes a bit and I hear a ‘fucking finally’ from Jean. The man inside takes out some thick book, places it gently on the table and opens it at the first page. Then he stars to turn the pages, one by one. Each time he licks his fingers, slowly turns the page and scans it with his gaze. It’s agonizingly slow. This time, unfortunately, I can’t do anything to speed up the process. I could only burn that book and I’m really considering doing it. It would sure burn nicely. Armin clears his throat.

“We need to go to Agloson.” He says and the man inside nods slowly, licks his fingers and turns another page. Jean throws his head back in agony. Annie shuffles her feet and rubs her eyes and Reiner hides a yawn behind his big hand. Armin is still waiting patiently by the window, looking at the old man and his book. After a dozen of pages he finally stops, and when we think he’s going to talk to us he bends over and disappears under the counter. We can only see the back of the worn brown coat. He finds something, then slowly rises back up, holding a quill and a jar of ink. He carefully sets the jar on table, twirls the quill between his wrinkled fingers and dips it into the ink. He slowly moves his hand over the book and sets it on an empty place. When he can’t do anything more to buy himself some time, he finally looks up from the book.

“Where to?” He asks and I can see Armin grips the small counter on his side.

“I already told you, we need to go to Agloson.”

“Where to?”

“Agloson.” Armin says in calm, raised voice. Maybe the man has trouble hearing.

“Don’t yell at me young man, I can hear you.” The old man says angrily. No, forget it. No trouble hearing. He’s just being a dick. I can see Armin gripping the counter so tightly his tendons are showing, jumping up and down. The man inside writes something down and then raises his eyes again.

“How many of you?”

“Five people, five horses.” Armin says. The old man shakes his head.

“If you have horses why don’t you go to Agloson on them?” He mutters.

“Pardon?” Armin asks.

“Nothing...Names?”

“Armin, Jean, Marco, Annie, Reiner.”

“I need it in alphabetical order. And what about surnames?” I’m going to burn down that house, I swear.

“Alphabetically by names or surnames?” Armin asks. He has a patience of a saint.

“Surnames, what do you think?”

“Arlert Armin, Braun Reiner, Kirschtein Jean, Leonhardt Annie and…” He stops. Oh, right. Me. Well, I don’t have a surname. Elves don’t do that. Armin turns to me with raised eyebrows. Quick Marco, think!

“Hanji. Hanji Marco.” I say feebly. I hope it sounds like a Pighi surname.

“Young man, when was the last time you’ve seen an alphabet? Since when does H come after L??” Jean looks at me, wide-eyed and acts like he’s strangling someone. I let out a snort and he smiles too. Armin tells him our names in the correct damn order.  The man writes down the last words and makes a thick line under it.

“Good, good. The boat sails in two weeks, see you then!” He says. Hold up. When!?

“What!?” Annie exclaims, expressing the shock of us all.

“Not ‘what’, but ‘when’. In two weeks, young lady, see you around!”

“Wait,” Armin says, “we need to sail now.”

“No, can’t do.”

“Why?”

“First: It’s the middle of the night, there are no ships available at this time. And second of all: We don’t have enough ships anymore and those, which we have, are all booked.”

“Booked?” Reiner asks in dangerous tone.

“They are full! You understand?”

“How come you don’t have enough ships?” Armin asks, holding up a hand in Reiner’s direction. The man throws his hands in the air.

“Just look around yourself! A storm came a week ago and destroyed the old port with nearly all the anchored ships! Do you know how many of them were left untouched? Two! Two ships, each one with fifty places. So tell me now, how do you keep the usual sailing business with just five percent of the vehicles? Everybody has to wait. This,” He raises the thick book and nearly turns the jar with ink over, “this is the list of all the people who are waiting for transport. This,” he turns the pages angrily, “this is the order, and we’ll keep it. Who comes first, gets first. And when I say your boat sails in two weeks, it sails in two weeks! You are booked here! Now get the hell out of here, I don’t want to see your stinky faces again!!” He yells and slams the book on the counter. The flame of the candle flickers, but I keep it lit. We’re not done here.

“Please, listen to me-“Armin starts, but the man lets out a loud growl, raises from his chair, pushes the door open and walks out of the house.

“Go! Go away!” He yells and shoos us away. I look at Armin, if he is giving us a sign to leave, but he’s not. We stand still, looking at the old man. He’s standing defensively in front of his tiny shack, glaring at us. He looks at us, puzzled a bit, he’s probably used for that kind of scenario, where the first warning works. Armin takes one step closer to the man. The man doesn’t wait and pushes Armin in his chest forcefully. Armin didn’t expect that, he trips on his own feet and falls backwards into the dirt. The response is immediate, Jean and Reiner draw out their swords. Annie takes the bow from her shoulder, arms it with an arrow and aims at the man. Fast like a lightning. They stand there, ready to fight at any second. The old man is frozen in shock. Armin looks at the whole scene for a while and then he laughs sweetly. He rises from the ground and starts wiping the dirt from his hands.

“I’m sorry, I think this all is a big misunderstanding. See, we should try a different approach.” he smiles kindly and tugs at the thin chain on his neck. He pulls it out and lets the Triring dangle, so the man can see it in the yellow light of the torch. The vibe in his beady eyes changes.

“Now, do you know what this is?” Armin asks.

“The Triring.” The man says, his voice strangled a bit.

“Good, you’ve done your homework. What’s your name?”

“Yesha Grahko, sir.”

“Yesha Grahko, the ticket seller from Vemlian. Right, I’m Armin Arlert, member of the international diplomatic council. These are the top mercenaries from the royal corps,” he says in a chillingly calm voice and points at the others, who still hadn’t lowered their weapons, “and we are escorting a very important person. We need to get to Agloson as fast as possible, preferably tomorrow. But, you know, I could also change my plans,” he keeps smiling, “if my boat would sail in two weeks, I could turn the group and we could head to Sina…that way.” He says and points to one direction. “We would be there in…two days? We could go to the National Law Enforcement Department of the royal corps, find an officer and tell him, or her, about a certain Yesha Grahko, who works in the Vemlian port and who has harrased a council member. Harassing a diplomat is a crime. Do you know what the punishment would be?” Armin asks, still calm, but not sweet anymore. He’s giving me the chills, he’s cold, intimidating and dangerous. He’s pissed off.

“I don’t know, sir.” Yesha answers and swallows.

“Twenty five hits with a stick, or with a whip. That would be for the judge to decide. But you would get to pick whether they would hit you on the back, the bottom, or your feet. Our laws are quite deliberate, what do you say?”

“They most certainly are, sir.”

“So we would go to Sina, announce a crime, witness your trial and the punishment, make sure you’d never get your crime register cleared and come back here, to Vemlian in…seven days. And guess what? We still wouldn’t get to our boat. See, that’s not very practical, is it? Even though the wait would be much more amusing. Instead, we’ll do it like this: You’ll open that little book of yours, find us a boat which sails to Agloson tomorrow morning and you’ll book a place for us on it, understood?” He finishes and a heavy silence follows. Yesha’s eyes are darting from one face to another.

“But-“He says and Armin raises his eyebrows. Yesha closes his mouth, pulls his head between his shoulders and walks back into his shack. Armin walks to the window and supervises Yesha’s actions. The others take it as a sign to lower their weapons. Jean pushes his two swords into the sheaths, looks at me and wiggles his eyebrows. I must nod, what Armin just did was very impressive. Reiner and Annie walk closer to Armin and Jean and I stay behind. We are looking at each other, Jean smiles at me and I smile back, hoping he could see the smile-wrinkles around my eyes. His gaze then leaves my face and goes lower. What is he looking at? A little yellow light reflects in his eyes and he suddenly frowns, eyes going wide. What’s wrong? I look down at my body and I notice it too. They weren’t the only ones who drew their weapons when Yesha pushed Armin. There’s a fist-sized ball of fire resting in my right hand, licking up my knuckles soundlessly. I gasp and put it out right away, but it’s too late. I look back up at Jean, who also raises his head, shock written on his face and eyes wide. He saw it. The fire. His eyes dart from my face to my hand and back to my face, eyes still wide. I swallow hardly. He’s frightened. I shake my head lightly. This didn’t just happen, it couldn’t have. He finds my eyes and we share a long look, not knowing what to do.

“Good, a cabin for five and a stable for the horses. Thank you very much.” We hear Armin say. It is like a magic spell, it unfreezes my mind and a desperate thought occurs. I slowly raise my right hand and put my index finger on my mouth through the scarf in a shushing gesture. Jean keeps looking at me. A huge weight drops from my shoulders when he repeats the gesture, the tip of his index finger slightly touching his long thin nose.

Is it safe for now? Are we good now?  

Armin walks back to us with a slight smile. He has successfully booked us places on a boat for tomorrow morning and Yesha was so kind he told him where we can sleep tonight. We walk away from the lake and head back to the city. The fatigue comes back to the others, except for me and Jean. We are exchanging glances from time to time, quickly looking away when we catch each other staring. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking right now. What would I do if I found out the guy I’m escorting has some creepy magic powers? No idea, no idea at all. For now, I have to trust Jean and believe my secret is in good hands. He might also encounter me, try to get some information about what the actual frick he saw. Hopefully he won’t do it when the others are around.

* * *

 

We accommodate in a small wooden tavern. We all sleep in the same room, mattresses laid on the ground. The whole room smells with moisture and the beds are damp and cold. We undress a bit, leave our tunics on and lay down to our beds. I cover myself entirely and bury my nose into the quilt. It smells sourly. I jerk my head away from it and make a disgusted face. Ew. I’d like to know when was the last time they washed it. Well, considering by the nasty smell, I’d rather not know. I move the muscles on my back and look around the room. Two candles are burning inside, illuminating the room in soft yellow light. Annie is turned to the wall, just like she was yesterday. Reiner is sprawled on the bed, muscular hands thrown above his head and already snoring lightly. Armin is quietly puffing in the corner, curled under the blanket. Jean is…Jean is looking at me. He’s lying still on his mattress, but his eyes are fixed on me. The light from the candles is reflecting in them, giving them almost the same look they had when they were reflecting the fire in my hand. Frightened. Confused. I blink. He blinks too. I swallow and look at the wooden ceiling, still feeling his gaze on me.

 **‘You are a coward, that is what I do not like.’** I hear in my head. I roll my eyes.

‘Why do you think that?’ I ask.

**‘You were afraid to travel as an elf.’**

‘And?’

 **‘That is it. You rather hide your identity, hide yourself from the world, than take the risk. You dress yourself as someone else, fearing the consequences. I do not like that. You should be braver, you should be proud of who you are, who we are.’** Even though I want to ignore his words, they hurt. They make me think. They make me doubt myself and I think that’s exactly what the dragon wanted. When he told me he wanted a distraction from time to time, I think he meant this. I think he wants to amuse himself on the way I doubt myself, on my insecurities and he wants to point out my mistakes. Or am I just imagining it? But what he said to me just now…I don’t think he understands why I’m doing it.

‘The disguise is not because I’m ashamed, but because I want to travel safely.’ I say, sweat trickling down my temples from concentration.

 **‘And that is exactly what I am talking about. You want to travel safely, so you turn away from what you are. You are afraid of what might happen, if you behave like yourself. You are afraid the others will not accept you. You are a coward.’** He says, his words filled with dark contempt.

‘But I don’t want to get in any problems.’

 **‘Because you are afraid.’** There’s something wrong in his theory.

‘Wanting to avoid trouble doesn’t make you a coward. It is called common sense. On the other hand, rushing to it makes you stupid, not brave.’ I say. Take that! I don’t know where those words came from, but I’m quite proud of them. The dragon keeps quiet, probably surprised.

 **‘Coward.’** He hisses and leaves my head. I suppress a chuckle. That was good. The conversation has drained much energy from me and my eyelids become heavy. Even though the bed is nasty, I’m glad I’m in it. I stretch a bit more and look around myself for the last time. Jean is still looking at me, his eyes even wider. I swallow and hold his gaze. Is he going to say something? I hope he doesn’t want to ask about the fire. We should talk about something else like…what did he think of Sidzu’s shop or…if he liked the breakfast in Artalin. Oh, I forgot! He promised to tell me he story of Sleeping Beauty this morning! How did I forget about that? Is he still willing to tell me he story? I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t. But I should at least give it a shot.

“Jean?” I whisper and he blinks and shifts on the mattress.

“Yeah?” Comes the whispered answer after a little while.

“I-uhm…would you tell me the story of Sleeping Beauty?”

“What?” He didn’t expect me to ask that. Maybe he thought I would beg him, or threaten him to stay quiet about the fire, or that I would explain it to him.

“In the morning you promised to tell me the story later today…”

“Oh…Did I?

“Yes.”

“Well then…All right. But we have to keep quiet so we don’t wake up the others.” I nod quietly and lay on my side, so I can see Jean better. He plays with the hem of the quilt and then takes a short breath.

“It’s a story for kids, so don’t laugh if it gets too childish.” He warns me with serious expression. I nod again.

“I’ll tell it as I remember it from when I was a kid, so maybe I won’t remember some parts properly.” He warns me again.

“Will you start telling the story already? Geez.” We hear Reiner mutter. We look at each other and start laughing quietly, covering our mouths with our hands. And then Jean begins to talk. I listen to him, ask a question here and there. Jean is a bit strained at first but then, as he talks, he gets more relaxed. Reiner begins to snore loudly, often interrupting Jean’s story. Annie was right, the story makes much more sense when I actually get to know it. When Jean stops talking I hum and smile. It was a really nice fairytale.

“I never thought I would meet someone who doesn’t know the story of Sleeping Beauty,” Jean muses with a grin, “what do little elves listen to before sleeping?”

“Well, there are fairytales like: The Blue Fire, A Laughing Tree, Marna and Lilhen…But when I was a little kid, my caretaker used to tell me stories from the time she was travelling through Flare archipelago.”

“Your caretaker?”

“Yeah, Hanji, she came to say goodbye the day we left Jinae.”

“Oh yeah, the one with glasses! Right, right…You liked her?” I smile upon the thought of Hanji.

“Yes, I did…She was really good, weird like me.” I say with a smile and Jean’s eyes dart to my hands. A silence settles and I can feel there’s something in the air. A question perhaps. Maybe this is the same situation as it was that morning in Oashara, when I wanted to ask him about his scar. He also felt my curiosity. He just told me to ‘spit it out’ and made the whole thing easier for me. I should do the same.

“You can ask me, you know.” I whisper.

“What?”

“I know you want to ask me something, so just go on.” Jean nods slowly and looks down. Another while of silence follows.

“The thing…What I saw at the lake…What was that?” He asks and keeps looking down. I play with the hem of the blanket for a while. What do I say now?

“I...” I sigh. I can’t. Not yet.

“I can’t tell you. Not right now.” I say and Jean keeps looking down.

“But could you show me?” 

I freeze. Does he really want to see it again? I mean, he already knows I can do it. He won’t scream or wake the others up, he promised that.

“But keep quiet, all right?” I whisper and he nods eagerly. He lifts the quilt all the way up to his nose and hides behind it, only his eyes sticking out. I take a deep breath. I slowly move my wrist. The candle on my right flickers ant the flame separates from the wick. It lifts itself into the air and slowly travels through the room, stopping in front of Jean’s bed. It forms a small ball and tiny individual flames break the soft surface of the sphere. Jean is looking at it, not even breathing. I turn my hand and make the ball a bit bigger. Last time I did this, I was sitting on a tree in Jinae, what feels like a lifetime ago. I want to shape the ball, I want to give it a body and a life. With a swift move of my hand the fire twirls and turns into a bird. It flies around the room, gently and slowly, so Jean wouldn’t get scared. The bird reaches the ceiling makes a loop and turns into a tiny butterfly. It spirals down, waving burning wings from time to time. I want it to look as real as possible. It stops a feet or two from Jean’s face. Jean can’t take his eyes off the butterfly. He sits up and puts the blanket away. My hand is in the air, my fingers twitching and the butterfly copies their moves. I’m thinking of putting the butterfly out, when Jean carefully reaches a hand out. Slowly, jerkily he stretches it, trying to touch the flames. I push the butterfly closer to Jean’s outstretched fingers with a smile. It sits on his index finger and I’m careful not to burn him. Jean smiles in awe and giggles. The butterfly opens its wings a few times and then I let it disappear. Jean looks at his finger for a while and then turns to look at me, a huge disbelieving smile on his face.

“Satisfied for now?” I ask gently. He shakes his head slightly, still exhilarated.

“It’s so pretty!” He whispers and his features soften, just like when he’s talking to his horse. But this time, I’m the one who made him look that way, I’m the one who has put that smile there. It makes my insides swell with pride. He laughs again and covers his mouth when Armin whines in discomfort. He waits for a little moment.

“Why didn’t you tell us about this? It’s so great!” He asks and a shrug sadly.

“I just thought…well, it’s a long story, but basically because I thought you would be afraid. Like, imagine I would introduce myself like this: ‘Hi, I’m Marco and I can do wicked fire tricks, watch this!’” I say in a funny voice and Jean laughs again.

“Yeah, that would be weird… But I think that if you told the others, they wouldn’t freak out.” He says and I hum. They would if I told them the whole story.

“I guess...But I’m not ready to tell them yet, I wasn’t even ready to tell you, it just happened.” I say nervously. Jean grins.

“Yeah…Don’t worry, I won’t tell them.” We fall silent again. When he doesn’t say anything I decide to lay back down and cover myself. Jean does the same and then he looks at the burning candle. I flick my wrist again and put the light out. Jean gasps lightly and then hums in approval. This has gone very well. I didn’t think he would accept me so easily. He was amazed when he saw the flames. He praised them and admired them. And he had that look on. The soft, kind look. I didn’t think I would say this, but I’m glad this happened. I close my eyes and let the darkness take me.

“Marco?” Says the darkness in Jean’s voice. I’m not really sure if I’m dreaming or not.

“Yes?”

“Would you tell me the whole story?” I think for a while.

“When the time is right.” I answer.

“When the time is right.” Jean repeats and I hear the rustle of his quilts.

“Goodnight Jean.” I say quietly.

“Goodnight Marco.” He says and it works like a spell. I doze off in a matter of seconds, locking out the outer world and feeling the sweet taste of sleep on my tongue.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was hard to write this chapter, since I'm on the holidays in Brasil and I didn't have much time to write. That's why I took the laptop out every time I had a chance and wrote like a lunatic :D I wanted to post the new chapter on my birthday (July 28), but I didn't like it so I took two extra days to finish it properly. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you have any questions or any type of feedback, feel free to write it in the comments, they always make my day :) 
> 
> FYI, I have a [ tumblr ](http://www.yayapear.tumblr.com/)  
> And I made a [ map ](http://yayapear.tumblr.com/post/96868629011/i-spent-an-entire-day-on-doing-this-map-to-my)of the kingdom for better orientation:  
> 


	6. The Hook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aliiiive!   
> That's all, have a nice reading. The next chapter won't take six months to come out, don't worry. Anyway, comments never hurt anyone :*

The spell Hanji had been holding over Marco has drained nearly all the energy from her. Erwin was with her all the time, keeping her awake and focused. She felt how hard the dragon was pushing her, trying to break the wall and get inside Marco’s head. She did everything to hold him back as long as possible, she didn’t want him to treat Marco the way he did before. Marco didn’t deserve it. But in the end, the dragon got in anyway. She will remember that moment until the end of her days, the despair, how weak she felt against the sheer force of dragon’s mind. The final moment, when she couldn’t last any longer and was forced to leave Marco alone, crying out the last pitiful words: _‘I’m so sorry Marco’_ and then, exhausted and heartbroken, she fell asleep.

She slept for two days. Erwin checked her every day to make sure, she’s still breathing, because there was a real chance she wouldn’t be.

On the third day she finally got out of her bed. The maid was at her side in matter of seconds, helping her get dressed and bringing her rich breakfast. Hanji felt a very potent hunger, but had little appetite. A strange combination she hadn’t yet experienced. She picked through the food with a long silver fork, but then settled with the hot blackweed decoction. She was carefully twirling the carved cup between her fingers, thinking about what had happened. Thinking about Marco, the dragon, the journey… Doubting it for the thousandth time, wondering whether it all made any sense. The legend says that the Fire dragon chooses the Dragonblessed in the time of the biggest need. The current situation didn’t feel like the time of biggest need to her. Everything was the same as it was two hundred years ago. The day still switched places with night, the stars were still in the same cycle. The human-elf relationship was getting more and more stable, at least within the borders of the Council. There’s still the possibility that something was going above her head, unnoticed. Or maybe it was a thing of the future, maybe there was a war ahead and the elves need to be prepared, equipped with their best weapon. She frowned. That didn’t sound right. She didn’t want to think of Marco as a weapon. He was too…calm to be a weapon of fire. She didn’t think his fate suited him at all. Many times she wondered why the dragon, of all the elves, picked him as the Dragonblessed. Perhaps the dragon saw something in Marco’s future that appealed him. No, she shook her head. Knowing the dragon as she did, even though their encounter was very short, she didn’t think something like that would affect the dragon’s picking process. Maybe…maybe he picked the one, who will suffer the most. That would fit his personality better. Hanji touched her left hip where, under her dress, a scar was hiding, serving her as a reminder of what the dragon can do and why it is so important to protect Marco from him. Or why it was so important. Her jaw tightened and she looked down. Tears were approaching her. All the effort she has made to protect him, to keep the monster away from him has gone out of the window. She expected to last a bit longer. She thought she was stronger. She thought she was better. Marco deserved better. She set the cup aside and buried herself deeper into the quilts.

 _“She woke up a few minutes ago, my lord, and now she is eating.”_  She heard the maid’s soft voice from behind the door. She knew who she was talking to even before he spoke.

 _“Good. Let me see her.”_ Erwin said and made a step forward.

_“But bear in mind, please, that she is very weak. She needs her rest.”_

_“Thank you, I will.”_ He said and the maid walked away. Erwin opened the door to Hanji’s room and she had to fight the urge to pretend she was asleep. Erwin sure came to tell her he was worrying about her and that he told her not to exert herself. She didn’t really want to talk, but she knew it would come to this conversation sooner or later, so she just braced herself and looked at Erwin.

_“How are you feeling Lithanjiën?”_

_“Tired.”_ She said weakly. Her throat felt raw and unused.

_“Lilemor told me you would be eating, but your food is untouched. Why is that?”_

_“I don’t want to eat right now.”_ Erwin looked at the full tray and then back at Hanji. She looked so exhausted, robbed of energy and her usual joy.

_“I suppose there is no point in telling you that you should, am I right?”_

_“As always.”_ Erwin seated himself at the end of Hanji’s bed.

_“You haven’t eaten anything in two days. A healthy elf wouldn’t batter an eye, but you are not healthy. You have spent yourself on Marco’s protection and now it seems to me like you want to do the same with the little that is left in you. You can’t, Hanji. I can’t lose you like I lost Levi.”_

_“Those were entirely different circumstances Erwien.”_

_“But I have never seen him again, have I?”_ He said with bitterness hidden behind his voice. Only someone who knew him as well as Hanji did could recognize it. She looked down at her quilts, avoiding Erwin’s eyes.

 _“You are upset. What is the matter, Lithanjiën?”_ He asked, handing her the blackweed drink. She took it in her hands.

_“I just thought I was stronger.”_

…

“Shit, shit, shit, shit…” There is so much noise around me. I get up an immediately notice Armin walking around the room, checking everyone.

“Wha-“ says Reiner groggily, rubbing his face with his broad hands.

“No one was on the watch tonight, we all fell asleep! Check your things, we might’ve gotten robbed!” Armin replies, checking his bag.

“I would have woken up, if someone came in.” Annie says.

“Just check your bag, that’s all I’m asking for!” I get up with a huff and check my luggage. I don’t really remember all the things I had there, but nothing seems to be missing. I look out the window and notice that the sky is dark with a faint pinkish tint. It’s minutes before sunrise. I throw myself back at the bed with a whimper. My whole body hurts and my skin feels sticky from the damp moldy quilts. I would love to take a good bath and spend at least an hour scrubbing the filth down from me.

“Jean, do you have everything?” Armin asks nervously. I look at Jean and I see he did the same thing as I did. He’s lying on his bed, face down and arms spread.

“I guess.” He mutters.

“What do you mean by “I guess”, you were supposed to check!” Jean’s face detaches from the wet mattress.

“I did.”

“So do it again if you’re not sure.”

“Armin, calm down. I don’t think anyone broke in, the door was locked the whole night, no one could get in, not even now.” Reiner points out and puts his bag down.

“I am calm!”

The door opened. We froze in our places, eyes glued to the door. Annie even managed to pull a dagger out from under her pillow. All color drained from Armin’s face and I felt droplets of sweat appearing on my forehead, only to feel them evaporate a second later. A man stood in the doorframe, lantern in one hand, a pocket watch in the other.

“Who are you?” Armin asks. Annie rises on her feet and walks closer to Armin to protect him. The man in the door looks puzzled.

“I’m the owner. You asked me to wake you all up at dawn, don’t you remember?” He says and he glares at Annie’s dagger.

“Missy, I don’t think there’s a need to show off those toys. Put it away, will ya?” Annie glares back at him, but puts the dagger away. We calm down a bit and return to the morning routine. Armin pays the owner for the waking service, even though we all were awake when he came. With all the bags checked, clothes packed and stomachs filled with cold scrambled eggs we headed out of that stinky tavern. When we walked out, we could see the damages made by the recent storm in the weak morning light. Some roofs were already repaired and it was obvious they were new, others were still shattered. Debris was swept away from the main road, hoarded on the edges of pavement. The city was in the middle of recovering from the catastrophe, it had a strange, sad but determined atmosphere. Most of the inhabitants were still asleep, the city was quiet and smelled of rotting wood and dust. I’m happy to leave it. I don’t like it’s vibe, and besides, all the people we met here were very…unpleasant. Greedy. Selfish. I’m sure they won’t be the last rude people we’ll meet on our way. We walk through the dirty streets and reach the shabby port. I’m sure I’ve put my disguise on the wrong way in the morning hurry, the stripes of colored fabric are pulling me on my shoulders and around my crotch. I must readjust it on the deck, when I’m alone. There’s some twenty people in the port, standing ankles deep in the mud and waiting for their turn to board the ship. Yesha is calling out their names, they hand their heaviest luggage to the crewmen and get on the deck. We don’t have to wait long until Yesha sees us, whistles at one of his muscular employees and murmurs something to them. Luggage is taken away from us and the crewmen guide us to our room. There are no beds in it, only wooden chairs. We sit down and silence settles between us. We can hear a strong southern wind rising, pushing against the sides of our ship. Reiner wiggles on his chair and it squeaks loudly. He frowns down on it.

“I could use this as a goddamn toothpick,” he mutters, slides a bit lower on the seat, crosses his hands and closes his eyes. Annie pulls her knees against her chest and takes the dagger out again, just to play with it. Armin also stretches himself on the chair, ready to fall asleep again. I’m about to do the same thing, after all, I’m tired like never before. When we get to Agloson, I’ll just lay down and do nothing, I swear. But as soon as I stretch on the chair it is clear to me, that I either find a calm place to adjust the clothes, or I’ll sit through all the sail and let the clothes strain me. I don’t have to think twice. I stand up and head out of the cabin.

“Where are you going?” Armin asks, eyes suddenly wide open.

“Ehm…just out for a..walk? Just to check out the deck.”

“You should take someone with you, you shouldn’t go alone.”

“It can’t be that dangerous.” I huff, but Armin only shakes his head.

“You never know, Marco. Take someone with you, just to be sure.” Great. I only need to change my clothes it’s not like I’m going away for the whole sail. The only thing is I’m too ashamed to tell them.

“I can go with you.” Jean says and rises from the chair.

I didn’t change Armin’s mind, there was no way. I ended up in a tiny broom cabin with a very confused Jean waiting outside, his hand on the sword, watching the other passengers and keeping me safe. I made a little flame to light the dark cabin, so I can see properly. The problem is, I can’t get the clothes on right. I don’t know why it is so hard all of a sudden, it was so easy yesterday. First, I have to tie several knots around my hips and shoulders and neck and when I get that right, the rest of the fabric can be twisted around into some kind of an overall. But the knot part is tricky. I look at wide stripes of fabric in my hands and wonder what to do. I know I should tie it with some other stripe to get a loop that…somehow…goes behind my shoulders…but…to do that…it should be much longer. But it’s not. What if I tried to pull it, maybe I could get some more length out of it…No no no, abort! As I pulled it I felt the knots on my hips, which were the only ones I got right, loosen and every inch of the fabric I was supposed to wear fell down on the ground. I hold in a squeak. This is the exact opposite of what I wanted. I bow down quickly to pick up the urmah, but I accidentally knock down a broom and it hits my head.

“Dammit!” I growl and put the broom back. I stretch the Urmah and start to tie it. However, it doesn’t take long for the brooms to start misbehaving again. Now it’s at least three of them, falling down and making a considerable amount of ruckus.

 “Shit!” I exclaim, frowning down at the brooms. Can I burn them please?

“Marco? Are you all right in there?” Comes Jean’s worried voice. I can picture him leaning against the door, ear glued to the wooden surface, checking if I’m still alive.

 “Yes, it’s just a tight…situation.” I answer and at the same moment the ship decides to move sharply, leans to one side and at least a dozen of cleaning supplies clatter to the ground  and also hitting me everywhere possible.

 _“Feuyaer!”_ I cuss and hold my arms out, protecting my face from the falling mops and brooms.  

“I’m coming in, okay?” Jean says and cracks the door open. I don’t even get to stutter a single protest, he’s already inside the tiny cabin. He stops and looks at me. What a sight it must be. Me, with a dumbfounded expression, standing there only in my respectable undies with a colorful bundle of fabric in my hands and cleaning supplies scattered all around me.  I swallow and take a small step back. I can feel the ‘what the hell, Marco’ coming.

“What the hell, Marco?” He snorts and raises his eyebrows. I heat up and the flame lighting the cabin grows in size.

 “I…I,” I sigh, “I needed to change.”

“Okay, but why?”

“Well, because in the morning we were in such a hurry I put the urmah wrong and it was really straining me, so I wanted to get it right, so I went here but…it turned out harder than I thought.” I finish with a shy, uncertain smile. Jean leans against the door and grins.

“You could’ve just said, you know. You didn’t have to keep it a secret, we could’ve found you some other place than this coffin.” He says tenderly.

“You’re right, I could have. I was too ashamed, I guess.” I mutter and begin to untangle the urmah. Jean goes silent and I know he’s looking at me. I bow my head and focus on my hands. I work it around my hips, trying to remember exactly what Sidzu did yesterday. The first steps are quite easy, it gets tricky later. I’m able to cover my legs and make something that looks like pants, but with the top I’m clueless. There’s too much fabric around me, I’m getting completely lost in it.

 “Here, lemme give you a hand.” Jean says and detaches from the door. He must have spotted my helplessness. I let him take one strand of the fabric, he stretches it as far as the room lets him and helps me cover myself. I focus on layering the fabric in the right way, sometimes I have to repeat some steps to get a better outcome, but in the end we’re able to get something very akin to what I was wearing yesterday. I’m standing my back to Jean, he hands me the end of the long scarf and I tuck it into the knot at my ankle. I stretch a bit, test if there’s any straining. None, it’s as comfortable as it was yesterday. I turn to Jean with a smile, but I freeze. I didn’t expect him to be so close to me. I nearly bumped into his forehead with my nose, that’s how close he is. I let out a surprised breath, but my smile doesn’t fade away. He doesn’t take a step back, neither do I. He tips his head back to get a better look on my face.

“So, what do you think?” I ask quietly.

“I think we did a good job.” He whispers back, but doesn’t even look at the clothes.

 “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For helping me, of course.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Why are we whispering?”

“I don’t know. You started it.” He says playfully. I begin to chuckle and he doesn’t hesitate and joins me. The fire in the corner cracks and sparkles shoot out. It draws Jean’s attention, his eyes leave my face and they focus on the flames.

“Oh, it’s this again.”

“Yeah. You didn’t notice it before?” I ask. He shuffles closer to the flame and slowly reaches his hand towards it.

“No, I didn’t, I was…” He trails off. I tilt my head to the side, waiting if he’d continue.

“You were what?” I ask, drawing the fire closer to his hand, so he can take a better look. Despite that, he turns to look at me, fire lightening the back of his head. He quickly eyes me from the bottom to the top, the movement so fast I barely noticed it.

“Distracted.” He mutters and then turns his back to me, so he can look at the fire again. I don’t get it at first. Distracted? By what? Only few moments later I’m able to put two and two together and realize I was the distraction. I immediately remember what Sidzu told me about ‘the boy sitting next to me, looking at my arms like he’d never seen anything like that before’. I feel my cheeks heating up. I try to control the fire so it doesn’t grow and burn Jean, as he’s so close to it.

“A-ah. Sorry about that.” I say bashfully and scratch the back of my neck. Jean turns to me in surprise.

“You? No, it’s not your fault. It’s just you have…a good body-I mean….nice bod…muscles?” he’s tripping over his words and it makes me smile, “You’re good. I-Were you training?”

“Climbing mostly. Trees, towers, rocks…whatever high enough to interest me. And thank you.” I say kindly. He stays quiet, looking at me questioningly.

“For the compliments.” His palm meets his face and he looks at me from between his fingers.

“Let’s…let’s just forget about this, allright?” I nod. I put on a headscarf and reach for the doorknob.

“Shall we?” I ask.

“Yeah.” Jean says and with a flick of my hand the fire is gone. We walk out of the broom cabin, I straighten my clothes and Jean rolls his shoulders. The ship was already sailing, leaving the Vemlian port behind us. The crewmen were working around the sails, pulling the ropes and trying to catch as much wind into them as they could. There was much more noise on this ship, than on the one from Jinae to Faellume. We could hear the captain giving out orders, the passengers talking, sailors running around.  I walked to the wooden railing and looked at the muddy water below us. There were small waves around us created by the southern wind. It plays with the ends of my headscarf and threatens to steal it from me.

“Do you want to go back?” Jean asks and points to the general direction of cabins. I shrug. There’s nothing holding me here and I’m also quite tired. We head towards our cabin, meeting some of the passengers on our way. They glance at us from time to time, their gazes linger on us for a short while. Most of them look at my mark, probably confusing it with a birthmark, for they don’t know what it actually means. I feel like I was in Jinae on one of my trips, hood pulled deep into my face, cloak covering my body. I smile behind the scarf. It feels so familiar.

….

I slept for almost all the sail and so did the others, except for the one who was on the watch. When we came back to our cabin there were three more strangers in it. They said they would travel with us, but that was all I heard from them. I didn’t mind them though. They were speaking to each other quietly in a language I didn’t know. I noticed how Armin was giving them side glances every now and then. I’m sure he knew where they were from. I spent some time reading the herbarium Moblit gave me. After some twelve pages I felt the scarf on the right side of my face ripple lightly with someone’s breath. I turned to my right and saw Reiner’s face close to me, looking into the book with obvious interest. I pulled it a bit closer to my chest.

“Yes?” I ask him, feeling a bit confused.

“Nothing, I was just curious. It’s a nice book, can’t understand a word, tho. But the drawings are pretty.” He says and leans a bit closer. I was on a page with the description, collecting tips and all uses of pilewort.

“What are these three dots? They are here quite often.” Reiner asks and points at the text. His finger is so big in comparison with the tiny letters.  

“That’s  the letter ‘A’.” I say.

“Why is it above the other funky snaily letter?”

“That’s how we write it. We shift the…vowels up and left.” I show him the rule on few examples, his eyes not leaving my finger for a single moment.

“Could you read some of it out loud?” He asks quietly. I shrug. Why not?

 _“Pilewort is a perennial plant, three to eleven inches tall. Stems are procumbent to direct, leaves can acquire renal, petiolate or cardiac shape. Flowers are yellow, solitary and regular. The roots are wiry and thickened under the stem.”_ I read quietly, so I don’t blow my cover in front of the strangers. Reiner listens with his mouth half open, listening to the foreign words.

“That sounded interesting.” Says Jean, who has been napping until now. He and Reiner put their chins on my shoulders, Reiner from the right and Jean from the left side.

“Can we look?” Jean asks.

“Sure.” I mutter and keep reading. They pop an occasional question here and there, but for most of the time they just keep looking at the pictures. Jean lights up when I turn to the page that shows yarrow.

“I know this one. It used to grow in the backyard at my parent’s house.”

“The decoction has anti-inflammatory effects. I used it many times on small cuts.”

“Many times you say? We should keep a better eye on you Marco.” Reiner says worriedly. At first I think he meant it as a joke, so I grin, but then I notice he’s serious.

“Ah, no, not like that. I used to help one healer back in my hometown and I learned much from him. He let me treat minor injuries and I assisted him during bigger procedures.” I look at both of them and find them with their eyebrows high in surprise.

“You can heal stuff? I didn’t know that.” Reiner says with an appreciative expression.

“I’m sure that’ll come in handy at some point of our journey.” Annie says.

“I hope it won’t come to that.” I say seriously. Until now I didn’t think about it, about them being the sick or injured ones, weaker than me and in need of my help.

“But if it does?” She asks and plays with the dagger. Why is she so creepy all of a sudden? Why is she asking all these questions? I don’t think we should be worrying ourselves with the worst-case-scenarios until they present themselves as a real situation. Bad thoughts tend to poison minds, occupy them with unnecessary weight, slow them down. We should be ready for the bad things to happen, but not worry ourselves with meaningless what-ifs. But despite all that, the images of them hurt, sick, bleeding, holding onto the last inches of their lives, flash through my mind and I can’t look away from them. No, I wouldn’t leave them like that, I wouldn’t refuse to help my friends.

“In that case I’ll be more than willing to help.” I say and mean every word of it.

“Good.” She says and looks back down on the dagger. I feel a hand on the left side of my back, warm and soothing.

“Easy.” Jean says quietly and pushes lightly into my back. I realize how tense it got while the short conversation with Annie. I relax back into the back of the chair and resume reading. After few more pages the rocking of the ship slows down and we hear a scratching sound from below us. Armin waves at us, we pack everything we took out during the sail back into our bags and get ready to leave the ship. We let the three strangers come out the cabin first. Thick crowd was gathering on the deck, everyone wanted to be the first one on the shore. We took place next to a family of three, a very nervous mother holding a very pale and sick looking child that was sleeping on her, little head rested in the crook of her neck. She was standing still, letting her husband to caress her back in attempt to calm her. They must’ve had a rough sail. When the crowd finally moves we let them out first. The woman goes straight, but the man turns to us with a thankful nod. We walk down the wide wooden plank onto a tall pier, retrieve our luggage and lead our horses out of a special cabin. Buchwald sniffs Jean’s face and neck in excitement and nudges him with his nose.

“Hey buddy.” Jean says with a smile and pats Buchwald’s neck. He hands me Tilkrin’s lead. She just stands next to me, no sniffing, no greeting, nothing. She’s still afraid of me. I put my hand on her nose, she sniffs it carefully and then pulls her head away from me. I wonder how long it will take until she gets used to me again. Trust is a hard thing to gain. At least she trusts me enough to let me mount her. We lead our horses down from the pier and enter the Agloson port. It looks much better than the one in Vemlian. This one has stone pavement, shops, travel agency offices, tavern and even a square with a fountain.

“So how do we get to the garrison?” I ask Armin and he points to the north.

“By this road. We’ll be there in half an hour. It’s on the outside of the wall, we won’t be crossing the city, we’ll go around it.” I nod. We head towards the road and mount our horses outside the port. The road is made of stone at first, but it ends after few minutes, the stones disappear and there’s only dust and dirt. On each side of the road are deep imprints of chariot wheels and horse hooves. There’s a high wall on our left side, higher than the one at Artalin or Vemlian. On the right are wide yellow fields of wheat and oat. There are trees here and there, forming small patches of green in the yellow scenery. I wiggle in the saddle. I miss the forest. Now I feel exactly like a tiny mouse on an open meadow, afraid of the open space above and around me, knowing there’s a hawk out there. At least Reiner feels safe. According to what he told me about the titans, humans aren’t very fond of forests. Pity that I am.

The garrison is huge. There’s a tall wooden fence around it which we had to pass. Armin had to tell the guards our names, they shared a special salute, right fist on their heart, left on the small of their backs. All the humans did it and my hands itched to do the same, but I think it’s a purely soldier thing, so I just nodded at the guards as we passed through the gate. The road went on straight through the garrison, big wooden barracks on both sides of it. Door opened on one of them and a small group of soldiers came out. Armin stopped us, we dismounted our horses and the soldiers took their bridles and led them away, to stables I presume. From now on we hand to carry our luggage by ourselves. A sharp whistle pierces the air and a noise that was present until now, wood hitting against the wood, stops.

“Now to the lavatory! And make it quick, chop, chop!” A loud raspy voice echoes to us. Then a large crowd of sweaty trainees rushes past us towards one of the wooden buildings. They are all wearing short brown jackets, white pants and high brown boots. Behind them walks a tall bald man in long beige coat.

“Oh fuck me…why is this guy here?” Jean whispers with a terrified expression.

“Who is that?” I ask him, but he doesn’t look at me.

“Instructor Shadis.” Armin salutes him and so do the others. The man stops and I can get a better look at him. His face is tanned and quite wrinkly, he has dark circles under his eyes and light brown irises. He looks at us sternly, his eyes linger on each face for a short while. Then a hint of smile reaches his lips.

“Armin Arlert, Reiner Braun, Annie Leonhardt! 104th trainee squad from Trost. Good to see your faces. I’ve heard about your ranking successes, congratulations,” then he looks at me, “And who are you?” He asks coldly and comes closer to me, so close it makes me uncomfortable.

“He’s our mission, sir! We’re escorting him to the north.” Armin says.

“I see.”

“Weren’t you serving at Trost garrison?” Jean asks. Shadis looks at him through squinted eyes.

“Who’s asking?” Jean grits his teeth

“Jean Kirschtein. I was also at 104th. Shadis seems to think for a while.

“You do seem quite familiar. I was seconded to Agloson by the headquarters in Zhigansina,” he turns to the rest of the group, “why are you all here?”

“We need to resupply for our journey. We are running low on food and we need some rest.”

“Rest you say? Well then, there are some free beds in the barracks, I’ll send a trainee who will show you.” He says and then walks away from us.

“Thank you!” Reiner yells after him and then turns to us. “He’s much kinder than before!” He says excitedly.

“I wouldn’t say so.” Jean hisses and glares after Shadis’ figure. We watch him open the door to the barrack.

“Janus! Stop soaking your lumpy ass and get over here! I’ve got work for you.” We can clearly hear his yelling. I lean closer to Jean.

“What did he do to you?” He turns to face me.

“He? He made the three years of training a living hell! I hate him so…much…And he doesn’t even remember my name! First he gives me a headbutt so that my head hurts a week after and then he doesn’t even remember me!”

“He headbutted you seven years ago, Jean, don’t be so dramatic.” Annie says with a hint of smile.

“I’m not dramatic, I’m righteously pissed Annie! He wasn’t as easy on me as he was on you.” Annie’s smile disappears.

“I delivered good results Jean, he didn’t feel the need to go hard on me. I knew discipline, you didn’t.”

“Hey! Don’t go all-“ Jean starts, but Reiner catches him by his arm.

“You hate Shadis. We get it. Now let’s move on, I think Janus has something to say.” We turn to the approaching trainee. His red hair is still wet and small droplets are running down his face and dampening his clothes. He salutes us, eyes focused at some point in the distance.

“I’m Robert Janus, 225th Agloson trainee squad. I’ll be taking you to your lodging. Please follow me.” He says, then turns around and starts marching down the road. He’s so strange, the manner in which he walks, talks and looks. It’s so unnatural and unfitting. I presume he was taught this kind of behavior here, at the garrison, that Shadis, or whichever instructor there might be demands from him and all the other trainees. I’m glad Jean, Armin, Annie and Reiner don’t talk to me in that manner.

…

Janus shows us the room where we’ll sleep the following days and stands by the door until Armin dismisses him. As soon as Janus leaves, Reiner starts to laugh.

“What’s the matter?” Armin asks, confused.

“Ah, it’s just…poor fella, he was so scared the whole time,” Reiner throws himself onto the bed, “Hi, my name is Robert Janus,” he squeaks, imitating the trainee, then laughs at his own joke. “…oh man…were we really like this?”

“Sure we were. I think he was nice, don’t mock him Reiner. He did his best.” Armin says and sets his luggage on the floor. The room is quite big, square, there are two single beds on each side of the room and a double bed in the back. Reiner and Jean settled on the right side, Annie sat on the double bed. Armin and I were on the left beds.

“Do you think he found us intimidating? Like, we would really hurt him or report on him if he didn’t do something stated in the regulations?” Reiner asks, turning on his belly to look at us.

“Sure. Or at least he thought that of you, when he first looked at you, he nearly peed himself.” Annie says.

“Laughing.” Jean adds.

“Salty-ass motherfu- come here!!!” Reiner snaps and reaches for him. Jean screams, tries to escape from his bed but Reiner manages to catch him by his ankle. Jean falls face down on the ground and moans.

“That’s what you get.” Reiner grins and Jean stands up from the floor.

“Oh god, I hate you so much,” he says and holds his nose, “I’m going over to Marco, he’ll treat me right.” He walks over to me, slumps down next to my bed and leans his head on my leg.

“Shall we switch beds?” Annie proposes, pointing at the generous space of double bed behind her. Jean looks at me and then turns to Annie.

“So you’ve got jokes now.”

“I’ve always had them, but they usually go over your head.” They grin at each other, well, Annie’s grin is significantly smaller, but it’s still something. Then Jean grunts and presses around his thin nose. I lean down to get closer to him.

“Are you allright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just checking for any swelli- shit.” We hear a quiet cracking sound and Jean covers his nostrils with his hand. When he pulls his hand away it’s covered in blood. He stands up from my bed.

“I’ll be right back.” He says and leaves the room in a hurry. My eyes follow him.

“Will he be allright?”I ask the others.

“I think yes. It’s just a nosebleed.” Annie says and settles on her bed more comfortably.

“I hope I didn’t break his nose.” Reiner says worriedly.

“I don’t think you did. He used to bleed form his nose all the time during training, remember?” Armin says, kicks his boots off and lies down on the bed. I look at the three of them and then shuffle uncomfortably. I think someone should be with him. If it was me who was bleeding they wouldn’t leave me all alone, at least Armin would be jumping around me with a handkerchief. I get up from the bed and head to the door.

“Are you going to check on him?” Reiner asks from his bed.

“Yes,” I open the door, but stop on the threshold and turn to them once more, “you were right Annie, my skills do come in handy on this journey. We need them sooner than I thought, though.” I finish with a smile.

“Marco!” She calls after me. I stop in the door once more.

“At the ship, I didn’t mean to startle you with my questions. The only thing I wanted, was to make sure we could rely on you in the time of need. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” She says  and I smile fondly. I take down my headscarf so she can see my whole face.

“It’s allright Annie, I forgive you.” She nods and closes her eyes. I put the scarf back on and leave the room. I think Jean went to the lavatory to wash away the blood, so I’ll check there. I remember the path quite well, so I’m able to get there in no time. I open the door and lean in. The trainees had already left, there’s only Jean standing by a washbasin, head tipped backwards and breathing through his mouth. I frown. That’s not how you stop a nosebleed. When I opened the door Jean heard them squeak and turned to look on me.

“Oh, hi Marco.” He says and then starts to cough. I hurry to his side.

“Jean, you have to lean forward, otherwise the blood will flow down your throat and make you choke on it.” I touch his shoulders and make him lean forward. The blood drips quickly into the washbasin and turns the water slightly pink. He coughs some more and when I can hear his airways are clean I bring his hand to his face.

“Now pinch the nose where it bleeds. That’ll stop it faster.”

“I dever did id dis way before.” He says.

“It’ll work, no worries.” I caress his back in a soothing way, similar to what he did to me on the ship.

“I can dake care of byself, you know.” He says and he looks at me through the corner of his eye.

“I know, I just…thought some company would be good for you. I-I can leave if I’m bothering you!” I draw my hands away from his back.

“No, no, it’s fine. Stay. I just don’t want you to worry about me, I have always been a heavy bleeder, so this is nothing new or serious.”

“And yet you don’t know how to fix it.”

“ S’not my fault! I’ve been doing it like that since I was a little boy, my dad taught me that, he’s also got a fragile nose.” I nod and wait with him. He eases the pressure after a while and when no more blood comes out he washes his face.

“Does it feel broken?” I ask, when he starts to prod around his nose again.

“Not really. Can you check?”

“Sure.” I take his face into my hands and slowly turn it to each side, looking for any visible deformities. There is a slight swelling in the middle, so I reach my palm towards it.

“Now I’ll squeeze my fingers around the bone, you’ll tell me where it hurts the most, deal?”

“Yeah, deal.” I gently pinch around the swelling and at one point Jean hisses.

“Th-that’s the spot.” I nod and move the tip of his nose from side to side. No cracking.

“It might bruise in the following days, but I’m sure it’s not broken. You’ve got luck on your side, it was a nasty fall.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“I don’t doubt that.” I say with a smile and we head out of the lavatory. I look up at the sky. The sun has already begun its descent, we have some two hours until it sets. I share that information with Jean.

“So what are we going to do now?” I ask him.

“What’s the rest doing?”

“They stayed in the room, sleeping probably. They looked quite sleepy when I left.”  Jean nods and thinks for a moment.

“How about we go take a look around the garrison?” He suggests.

“That’s fine with me. Have you ever been here?”

“No. But all the garrisons are practically the same, there’ll be a little lake, one or two fields, a stable, watchtower and so on.”

“Let’s go then!”

……

The area was huge. At first we wandered to the lake and promised ourselves we’ll take a dip in there in the following days. It had white pebbled bank and clear green-ish water. From there we went to the training court, we found the training weapons storage and went inside. I asked Jean if we were allowed to be here, if it wasn’t only for the instructors.

“Nah, don’t worry,” he said, “I have higher ranks than all the instructors here.” He handed me two wooden training swords and we went out.

“What are these for?” I asked.

“Well, Reiner promised you we would teach you how to fight, so we can start now.”

“Ah…now? Now, as…right now?”

“You don’t want to?”

“No, I’d love to but…I’m quite tired from the ride. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Allright, then. But I’ll keep these, I can hit Reiner with them to my heart’s content.” I laughed and we went on. We ended up on a grassland where the horses were. We settled under a large oak, resting between its bumpy roots and my headscarf thrown aside. The horses were calmly walking around us, most of them I didn’t know, but then one certain brown stallion trotted to us. He leaned his head down and nudged Jean’s shoulder.

“Couldn’t last a minute without me, could you Buchwald.” Jean pats him on his cheek. Buchwald keeps nudging him and stomping happily.

“Aren’t you afraid that he’ll step on you? His hooves are so close.” I ask, quite distressed. I would definitely be afraid.

“No, not at all. Buchwald is very careful, he knows he’s big and strong. And happy right? Happy, happy horse.” He rubs him behind his ears fiercely and Buchwald licks his cheek. Jean pushes his big head away.

“Allright, that’s enough.” He says and wipes the horse saliva away. Buchwald shakes his head, walks a few feet away and starts to feed again. My eyes follow him.

“How long have you had Buchwald?” I ask.

“I bought him when I was eighteen so…a year? Yeah.”

“Only a year?”

“Yes. What’s so weird about it?”

“Well, the way he trusts you and acts around you. I thought you knew each other for years.”

“No, no. I’m just…good with animals, that’s all.”

“Reiner told me that.”

“Did he?”

“Yes. But it’s not so hard to see, you know. Like… when you pulled that squirrel out of Reiner’s bag and she didn’t try to fight you at all. Or how my horse followed you on the first night and even though she has never seen you before she trusted you immediately. I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Well, maybe you just didn’t know the right people.”

“Hmm. I don’t think that’s the case.” Jean smiles and rests his head on the root. We’re lying next to each other, looking up at the leaves , watching the evening sky through them.

“How long do you and Tilkrin know each other?”

“Seven years. But we’re much more distant then you and Buchwald are, mainly after the thing in Artalin happened.”

“When you fell from her?”

“Yes. I think I burned her neck while falling. She’s afraid of me now.” I search her white fur between the horses, but she’s nowhere to be seen.

“That’s tough. Why were you hot in the first place, though? What happened there? Were you feeling sick? Because if yes, you could have told us, we would’ve rested and everything could’ve been fine.” I swallow. Now that’s a tricky question. I really _really_ want to tell him the truth, I feel he would be the one who would understand. I look at him for a long time. I want to tell him everything, everything about the dragon, the legend, how elves look up to me, expect big things from me but I don’t feel like I can achieve them. How I don’t see any pride in being the Dragonblessed. I want to tell him how I never knew my parents, how Hanji found me in the forest, how the only thing I ever wanted to do was help the other elves, heal them like Moblit does and how much I want to be somebody else, other than the Dragonblessed.

“Marco, why are you crying?”

“I-I’m not.” Why? Why can’t I tell him? My lips start to shake. I press my palm against my mouth to stop the shaking and the sobs. I need to sit up, to occupy as less space as possible, to curl into something small.

“Oh god, I’ve hit a sore spot, haven’t I? I’m so sorry, Marco.” His hands appear on my shoulders and I jolt. Don’t touch me. My skin will burn you. I don’t want you to blame yourself, to hurt because of me. Because of a liar, a pretender, a deceiver. That’s what I am. But his hands don’t go away. He shuffles closer to my wheezing, crying self and holds me. He breaks me. The sobs and tears spill from me, out of my control, and I cry. And he’s still holding me, letting me listen to his heartbeat and breathing. Slowly a feeling of shame creeps in. Why is there always someone who has to deal with my crying mess? Why do I always have to bother someone with this? I draw myself away from his chest and look down at the grass.

“Sorry.” I whisper, afraid of what he might say next. He sits next to me.

“I didn’t mind. It looks like there was too much weight on your shoulders, you needed this. It’s uh…well, maybe it’s too early for this but…you can tell me what’s on your mind.” I draw my knees closer to my chest.

“I can’t.” I say, voice raspy from crying. His hand appears between my shoulder blades .

“Allright. You can tell me when the time’s right for you…or you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t feel like it. I’ll respect your decision.” I nod. He’s so serious now, he’s not cracking any jokes, or making snarky comments, like I thought he would. He’s not upset with me crying or telling me to pull myself together and man up. He’s so…caring and patient with me. I feel like my heart is being torn to shreds. He deserves to know the truth. At least some part of it, as much as I’m able to tell him.

“I… it’s just…I’m not who you think I am.” I say and look down at my hands. He retrieves his hand from my back. A minute of silence passes. My eyes start to water again. If he can’t stomach this, then…

“Well…I think you’re a great man. I don’t think whatever you’re not telling me could change that.”

…

We watched the sky change colors, the first stars emerged and darkness settled. He was sitting between the roots, back propped against the trunk. I was lying on the ground, my head was on his thigh and my hands in the air. We were both looking up, watching the fire I was playing with. There were long ribbons of orange flames, slowly moving from side to side, like a river. Small orbs were flying around like fireflies, lighting themselves and going out a short while after. Ornaments, leaves, droplets, circles…whatever came to my mind I made it into a flame. And Jean enjoyed the show.

“Is that magic you’re doing?” He asks me after a good half an hour. It would be easy to say yes, to lie again. I’m not doing that.

“No. Magic is something different. You can alter flames with it, but that’s not what I’m doing right now.” I look away from the flames and focus at him. His head is tipped back. I can see his neck, all the muscles and ligaments stretching his skin, the shiny tissue of a scar on the left side and the sharp rise of his Adam’s apple.

“Than what is it?”

“Firebending. Being able to do magic is rare, but firebending is unique.”

“Unique you say…How many elves are out there who can firebend?” I smile and he looks at me.

“As far as I know, there’s only me.”

“That’s pretty neat.” Yeah, neat…There’s only one Dragonblessed, so it makes sense. Wait. The dragon! I haven’t heard from him the whole day. He probably still feels insulted by what I told him yesterday. I wouldn’t mind if he stayed that way until we came to the north.

“Can you do magic as well?” Jean asks.

“There are some spells I know, but it takes much more effort than firebending.” Jean nods.

“How do you make the animals?”

“I just tell the flame what to do. I have to picture them in my mind and then I can project it into the flames. Why? Do you have any request?”

“I was just interested. The bird and the butterfly yesterday were quite breathtaking.” I hum and clench my fist and when I release it a swarm of butterflies flies out. Jean lets out a gasp and watches them disappear between the leaves.

“It’s so pretty.”

“You said the same thing yesterday.”

“And I mean it! I could watch it for hours.” A while of silence passes.

“So let’s.”

“Watch it for hours?”

“Yeah.” He laughs and it makes my head on his thigh jump.

“I’d like that. But the dinner will be ready soon and I don’t want to miss it.”

“Ah, well that’s very reasonable.” He grins down at me.

“What is it?”

“…nothing.” Oh, don’t you go all ‘nothing’ on me, there was clearly something. I raise my eyebrows and give him a pointed look that says: ‘I’m waiting, honey’ like nothing else in the world.

“Ah..it’s…your accent.”

“My WHAT?”

“Accent.”

“I have an accent?!” He gives me a blank stare.

“Well…you do. Not a strong one, or annoying one. But your r’s and n’s and l’s are different. And you say ‘you’ in a completely different manner. Softer. And you tend to stretch your e’s a little more than the kingdom people. So when you said ‘very reasonable’ it showed so nicely. When you talk it has a melody, like you are humming, or just about to sing, and when you say my name-“ He cuts off abruptly and nearly covers his mouth with his hand. A smile slowly appears on my face. He’s got eyes everywhere but on me. I’d love to ask him what happens when I say his name, I’d love to say it until he spills it, but I stop myself. If…if he wanted to tell me he wouldn’t have stopped himself. I should have realized it even earlier, I should have turned the conversation when he grinned at my accent. I’m not going to tease him. I’m not going to force the rest of the sentence out of him. I nod, put my hands together and release a burning sparrow out a second later. We go back to watching the flames.

“Don’t be ashamed of it. I like it.” Jean says and it is as much as I need to hear.

I don’t know how much longer we sat under that tree, but it wasn’t enough. A dull sound of bell interrupted our silence.

“Dinner. Shall we go?”

“I’m starving.” I answer. We get up, dust our pants from few stray pieces of grass and I pick up my headscarf. Jean watches me as I tie it up.

“Do you have to wear that?”

“Yes, unfortunately. Armin advised me to wear it around here.”

“It’s not like someone’s gonna stab you because of who you are. Not here, I think.”

“I’d rather keep it.”

“Allright, do as you please.”

“Why don’t you like it? Does it cover up too much of my beautiful face?” I ask and caress my cheek through the brown fabric.

“Yes.” He answers grumpily. We laugh and then he looks at me fondly. I give him the look back. Then I turn away and call all the flames back to my hands and squeeze them into a fireball that can fit into my palm.

“Allright Mr. Kirschtein, lead the way!”

“You do realize I’ve never been here before. I have no idea where the dining room might be.”

“Then, Mr. Kirschtein, we’ll lead an expedition! Through the unknown and beyond we’ll go, only to find the glorious food!” He laughs hard and loud.

“An expedition it is, then! Follow me Mr.…uhm…what was your last name agan? Sorry.” We start to walk.

“Officially, I don’t have any. We address each other by the clan we belong to. I used my caretaker’s name for Yesha.”

“And the name was?”

“Hanji. But it doesn’t sound right to me. It’s two first names in row, as if you were called Jean Armin.”

“Then we should pick a name for you.”

“I guess.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm.”

“I can’t think of anything right now. All the names I think of involve fire in some way, I don’t like that.” He says.

“What names did you think of?”

“Mr. Fire.”

“Are you serious?” He grins at me.

“Absolutely. It doesn’t end there, wait for the best.”

“Hit me.”

“There’s also Mr. Firehands.”

“That’s as superficial as it gets.”

“Marco, one more snarky comment and I’ll call you Mr. Firebutt.”

“Oh god, please no.”

“Firebutt it is.”

…..

The bed was very comfortable after spending the whole day on my feet. I was looking at the wooden ceiling, waiting for the others to get ready to sleep and blow the candles out.

“What are we gonna do tomorrow?” Reiner asks the whole group. We look at Armin, expecting some plan from him. He looks at us and shrugs.

“I don’t know, individual activity? We’re here to rest, do what you want.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Jean grins.

“That doesn’t really answer my question. What are we going to do?” Reiner demands.

“I’ll go practice to the shooting range.” Annie says and looks down at her bow lying next to her bed. I haven’t seen her shoot with it yet, I guess it will be quite a show, since she’s the number one in archery ranks.

“As usual.” Reiner scoffs.

“Regular training is necessary for maintaining your skill and improving it. I enjoy doing it.”

“Good for you, Annie,” Reiner says, “I can’t train, every time I pull out my sword people run away. Anyway…where is it?” He looks down next to his bed, but he can’t find the red sheath. He climbs down from the bed, kneels on the wooden floor and looks under the bed.

“There it is! But why is it so far under it? Dammit, it’s gonna be all dusty.” He mutters and reaches under the bed. He’s kneeling on the floor, his bottom high in the air. I look at Jean and see the sparkle of mischief in his eye. Oh god, what is he about to do? He reaches under his own bed, takes out the training sword and before Annie or Armin can warn Reiner, he slaps him with the blade across his butt.

“Ack!” Reiner yelps, jolts and bangs his head against the bottom of the bed with a loud thud. He shuffles out, holding his head with one hand and in the other is his beloved sword. He rests on the floor.

“What was that for?” he moans.

“For cracking my nose, you clod. Now get up, I’ll show you what Marco and I found.” Reiner kneels and looks at Jean. He shows him the training swords and Reiner’s eyes light up.

“Hah, I remember these. What a waste of time, when I got hands on a real sword I couldn’t do shit with it, no matter how much I swung with this twig.”

“Well, I wouldn’t trust a twelve year old you with that,” Jean points at Reiner’s red sword, “and besides, it wasn’t a complete waste of time.”

“Where did you get it?” Armin asks.

“At the weapons storage. We went there with Marco.”

“Shadis is going to kick your butt when he finds out.” Annie says.

“Shadis can kiss my beautiful tight ass. I’m not a trainee anymore, he can’t tell me what to do.” Jean says and balances the sword on his finger. Armin looks at him with a light frown.

“I think he’s able to expel you from the garrison for misbehaving.” He warns him and Jean huffs.

“It’s just two swords, it’s not like I killed someone. He won’t notice anyway.” Armin sighs.

“Allright, just don’t go running to me if you get into some mess for this.” Jean shrugs.

“Deal.” He flips the sword around, grips it on the handle and shoves it under the bed in one swift move. He did it so effortlessly and naturally that it leaves me staring. Tomorrow will be hard, training with Jean will be hard. But despite that, I’m looking forward to it. I enjoy spending time with Jean maybe a bit more than with the others. Reiner is also fine, but Armin still feels a bit too uptight to me. I got the only glimpse of what I guess was the real Armin when he asked me about his lost friends. And Annie doesn’t talk much to me, Armin seems to be the only one who she likes talking to. I like how they respect and help each other with…us. Jean and Reiner can be quite a handful with their everlasting bickering and I feel like I’m about to join them. I like their banter, how they pull pranks at each other, even though it can turn a bit too violent. They’ll even it out and they’re fine again, trying to have as much fun as possible along the journey. For them it’s more like a road trip, they’re seeing cities with their friends, having a good time. Armin and Annie take this as their mission, do your job and don’t get too involved. I bite my lip. I feel like I’ve had the same mindset and it didn’t feel good.  It wasn’t me. I can’t travel with ‘some soldiers’ whose names I don’t even know. I tend to get involved, look at people and see them for their personality, not occupation.

Let’s face it Marco. You have a month or two until you get to the north, where you end. Period. Get as much fun as possible. Make new friends. Talk. Look at places around you, feel the air on your face and sun above your head. Go big. Enjoy yourself. With that I smile widely, close my eyes and wait until the light goes out. In few minutes Reiner blows out the candles and wishes us good night. I nuzzle my head into the pillow and think about tomorrow. I want it to be a good day. I can hear breathing and puffing from all around me. They sure were tired. I sigh. Sleep approaches me slowly. It pulls me away from consciousness, it’s like it attached a hook to the bottom of my mind and began to pull it out of my body. No, really, I can feel a pull. I’m falling asleep, quicker than ever before. I don’t like it. I want to wake up, but I can’t. I feel alert, but I can’t open my eyes, move my body, breathe faster or slower.

**‘Hush, go back to sleep.’**

And then I can’t feel anything.


	7. Scorched Sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you nice reading :3

I woke up covered in sweat. It was hard for me to breathe, like I just ran a good few miles. The sun was high on the sky already, shining through the windows. I spotted a bird sitting behind it. As soon as it saw me move, it flew away. I sit up on the bed and run fingers through my hair. It’s damp and sticky.  I make a disgusted face at it. Then I remember what happened yesterday when I was falling asleep. My jaw tightens. I’m sure I’ve heard the dragon, he told me to go to sleep. I couldn’t move and everything was black, I couldn’t feel my body, I was like a ghost. I search for him in my head. I’m able to find the connection between our minds.

'What did you do to me?’ I ask, seriously distressed. I hear the words echoing around my head. When he doesn’t answer, I look down at my body. I’m tangled in the sheets, nightgown still on, glued to my chest. I touch my face, squish my cheeks, inspect my teeth, and look for whatever there might be different. 

“What did you do?!” I yell at him and out loud at the same time. I need a mirror. Why is there no mirror? Where did I see one? I tumble out of the bed, legs still wrapped in the sheets. When I remove the sheet I notice my feet are very dirty. I raise my eyebrows. What the hell. When did I walk around with no shoes on? I take a closer look and find wooden splinters sticking out of my skin. I…I don’t know what to do. I’m sitting on the floor, staring helplessly at my feet. 

“What did you do?” I whisper. My hands are shaking as they approach the splinters. I have to remove them, else it will get swollen and sick. I wouldn’t be able to walk then. I clench my teeth and begin to pull them out. They are quite big, black and painful. Drops of blood appear every time I pull one out. I’m biting my lower lip hard and frowning. Sweat is trickling down my forehead and evaporating as soon it reaches my eyebrows. Suddenly the door opens wide. I snap my head, eyes wide with surprise and shock. Jean is standing there, a wooden tray in one hand, the other gripping the doorknob. 

“Morning Marco! You took quite…oh…” he looks at me and tilts his head. 

“What’s the matter?” He asks seriously, sets the tray aside and kneels next to me. I search for my breath, wondering what to say. 

“I…I don’t know. I don’t feel well.” I swallow and look down. He follows my gaze and finds my feet. I can see he’s taken aback.

“Oh god! Is that bl- it is blood. What happened?” 

“I don’t know,” I stutter, “I woke up like that.” Jean carefully touches my right foot and inspects it. Shame crawls up my back. I don’t want him to look at my dirty feet. I draw it away from him and hide it. He reaches for it, but then stops. 

“I don’t remember you walking around without shoes.” He says pensively. 

“Me neither.” I mumble. 

“Aren’t you a sleepwalker? That could explain it.” I shrug. 

“It never happened to me before, but it could be it, I guess.” But in my head I’m thinking else. I don’t know if it’s actually possible but…what if the dragon snatched my body from me? My mind was falling asleep, it might have been easier for him to cut it away from my body so he could…take over. But why would he do that? Why? It makes me feel nauseous. Was I really a puppet for him? A meatsuit? I feel a warm hand on my cheek. I look up and see Jean’s eyes. He hesitates for a while. 

“You know the answer already, am I right?” He says gently. I look down and not slowly. 

“But you’re not telling me.” A lump grows in my throat. I want to. I shake my head. His hand disappears from my cheek and he pats my shoulder. 

“That’s fine. Really,” he stands up, “let’s get you ready for the day, then.” He reaches out a hand for me to help me stand up. I grab it and he pulls me on my feet. My whole body hurts and it only adds fuel to the dragon theory. I feel used. I feel like an old rag someone used to wipe every table in the dining hall, dirty and exploited. I shake from my head to toe. Jean walks to the door, but notices I’m not moving at all. He turns to me and waits for a while. Then he spreads his arms. 

“C’mere.” He mumbles and makes the first step. I gratefully accept the hug he’s offering, cram my head into the nape of his neck and close my eyes. I take a deep breath and feel his strong heartbeat against my ribs. Something old inside me wakes up to the sound of it and helps me relax, calm my breath and chase away the bad thoughts. Tears of relief appear in the corners of my eyes. We pull apart and I wipe my eyes. He smiles at me. 

“Better?” 

“Yeah.” I whisper and he nods. 

“Good. Grab some clothes and…” he makes a dramatic pause and points at the tray, “I smuggled some breakfast out of the dining room for you! While looking Shadis straight in the eye.” He says with a wide grin and I have to laugh. I look at the tray.

“Thank you.” I say and I really mean it. 

“But the tea’s gone cold, I guess.” He says with a frown. 

“Nothing I can’t fix.” I smile and wiggle my fingers in the air. His frown deepens. 

“Wha-aah! I get it! You can do that? Heat up the tea, I mean.” I shrug. 

“Sure.” His eyes shine. 

“Unbelievable…” 

“Yeah, I’m a walking kettle, awesome.” I say as I grab the urmah. He pokes me in the ribs as I walk around him. 

“Don’t say it like that. Of course you’re not a walking kettle.” I stop. 

“What am I then?” He wiggle his eyebrows at me. 

“Mr. Firebutt, of course.” I roll my eyes and Jean laughs loudly. He walks out of the room and lets me change in privacy.  Now I have more time and space to change into the uramh, so it’s not that problematic as it was yesterday. I leave my feet bare, I don’t want to put them in my boots while dirty. I call Jean in and he sits on Armin’s bed, next to mine. I take the wooden bowl with oat porridge and start eating. I don’t feel very hungry, I just know I should get something in my stomach. 

“So how did you know I was awake?” I ask him after swallowing a spoonful of porridge. It’s not the best I’ve had, but it’s quite tasty. Jean shrugs. 

“A little bird told me.” He says with a smile. I snort. 

“Yeah, right. No, really how? You bursted into the room completely sure I’ll be awake.” 

“Lucky guess.” 

“Lucky guess yourself.” 

“I don’t know how to do that.” He grins at me and I throw my hands in the air, nearly spilling the porridge on my sheets. 

“Calm down, geez. So what are we gonna do today? Do you feel like fighting?” 

“Are you going to ignore my question completely?” I snap playfully. 

“Yep.” He says with a satisfied smile. I shake my head slowly. 

“Unbelievable…” I stare at the bowl. “Yeah, I do feel like fighting. But I’ll kick your butt for this, mark my words.” I say, trying to sound as menacing as possible. I already know I’m as threatening as a kitten. He throws his head back in laughter.

“I’d like to see that.” He says between the chuckles. 

“Oh you will.” I swing my spoon at him like I was handling a sword. He dodges my attack and looks at me in surprise. 

“Right now, over the breakfast? Very well then, you’re in it for good.” He says and throws himself at me. I quickly dive to the side, stand up and eat another spoonful while looking him in the eye. He snatches a fork from my tray and points it at me. 

“Come at me, if you dare.” I say. He looks at me, narrows his eyes and stays still. He’s like a predator, waiting and staring at me, still as a statue. He suddenly jerks forward with the fork. I jolt and jump back with a squeak. He laughs again. 

“Don’t laugh at me." 

“You squeaked. How can I not laugh?”

“Forks are dangerous. I got scared.” He wipes tears from his eyes.

“Let’s change weapons then. Would you feel more comfortable if I was handling the spoon?” 

“I’m not gonna eat porridge with a fork, are you crazy?”

“Like a goddamn princess, Marco, never satisfied.” 

“Don’t blame me, I was born that way.” He jumps at me right when I’m about to put the spoon inside my mouth. I slide to the side and he misses. He takes another swing, but I lean back so he cuts the air. Few strikes are made, but I dodge them all.

“Are you even trying?” I ask, mouth filled with food. Jean’s eyes are gleaming and he flashes a smile at me. I take a step back to dodge a stab. Jean’s smile widens. He takes a big step forward, easily avoids my spoon and kicks my ankles in a smooth motion. I fall backwards, swept from my feet and end up on my butt. Jean takes one more step and points the fork at my face. 

“I don’t need to try, honey.” He says nonchalantly and pushes the fork against my neck. I feel the three wooden tips against my skin. He holds it there, waiting for me to surrender. I don’t want to. I don’t want to be defeated. I lean back, so the fork is not touching my neck, but my head thuds against the wooden wall. I’m cornered. Jean shuffles closer. If I reached my hand out, I could touch him again. I can feel myself getting hotter. I throw my hands up in defeat.

“Allright, you win Linvizel.” I sigh. He draws the fork away with a confused look. 

“Who?” 

“Linvizel. That’s a legendary swordsman for elves.” 

“Oh…thank you.” He helps me get on my feet. I put the empty bowl back on the tray along with the utensils. 

“So are we going out?” Jean asks and I nod. I drink the cold tea and grab my boots. 

“Aren’t you gonna put them on?” He points at the boots and I shake my head. 

“I want to wash my feet first.” 

“Oh yes, I get it. Wash the blood and all. Okay. I’ll go to the kitchen and put these away.” He lifts the tray. “Meet you in front of the lavatory?” 

“Fine.” I put my headscarf on and we head out of the room. We part in front of the kitchen, which is closer to our barrack and I walk to the lavatory. It’s empty at this time. I guess all the trainees are training. I’m able to find a bucket, fill it water and stick my feet inside. I heat the water up, so the dirt washes away more quickly. I start to rub it absently, pulling out few forgotten splinters. I try to contact the dragon again, but he’s blocking me. I can feel it. I frown angrily. If he was asleep, I wouldn’t say a word, but he’s plain out ignoring me. I push harder, scratch at the closed door, but there’s no answer. Why is he so strong? Why is he able to break my barrier, cause pain to me and enter my thoughts, but I can’t do jack shit? I throw my headscarf away angrily. It lands on the wet floor and starts to soak the dirty water in. I can’t bring myself to care. I’m staring at my feet. The ripples on the water surface deform the outlines of my skin, now tinted red by the blood diluted in the water. I want to take my feet out, spill the water so it doesn’t remind me of what happened. I raise my clean feet, push the bucket away and remain sitting on the floor. I rub my head, run my fingers through my hair and think of what to do. I won’t get answers of the dragon anytime soon, it seems, but I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want him to do anything to me, I don’t want to be his toy, his amusement. But there’s a real chance he’ll do it again this night. Shivers run down my spine upon thinking that. Maybe I could ask Jean to keep an eye on me, but I’m not sure. I don’t think he’d have questions, but I don’t want him to get involved. It’s my mess. I should be the one dealing with it. 

I get up from the floor and put the boots on. Jean is probably waiting for me already. I retrieve the headscarf from the ground and wring it. A small mirror is hung on the wall so I walk to it and try to put the scarf on so only a few wrinkles are seen. I shouldn’t have thrown it on the ground, after all, it’s basically a gift from Armin. That’s not how you treat gifts. I smooth down the hems and something in my reflection catches my eye. I take a step closer and stretch the skin around my right eye. My nose is nearly touching the glass, I can feel how cold it is. 

The Mark is different. Yesterday it wasn’t like this. My gaze is jumping from one end of it to the other, inspecting it piece by piece. Something is different, I know it. It doesn’t take long for me to find it. There’s one new line. The edges are still red, I can see many capillaries running underneath it. I swallow hard and touch it. It doesn’t hurt, or burn, or scratch. It does nothing, it’s only there, looking back at me. My lips shake and I have to bite down to stop them. Ever since I remember the mark has always been the same. The same odd, mismatched bundle of lines reaching just above my eyebrow and a little under my cheekbone. The shape of it is carved in my brain, I know every line and curve of it. I bet my life the growth has something to do with the dragon. The Mark he gave me hasn’t grown for nineteen years, it would have been too much of a coincidence, if it wasn’t related to him snatching my body from me. I push around it, stretch the skin. It goes pale, but the Mark does nothing. I have to fight the urge to start scratching at it, to pick it piece by piece from my face. I can picture it, the strands of sensitive skin being torn away, exposing the delicate tissue underneath it, trickles of blood running down my cheek and dripping down my chin. It would be easy. The pain would be temporary, the effect would be permanent. I don’t think I would stop there. Maybe my fingers would dig deeper, nails cutting the muscle, scratching against the hard, white- 

There’s a knock on the door. 

“Marco, are you there?” Comes Jean’s voice from behind the door. It frees me from my trance and I shake my head. My face is untouched. I bit paler, but whole. 

“Y-yes. I’m coming.” My response is shaky. I cover my head with the scarf and wish Jean wouldn’t notice the change on the Mark. I focus on walking, on opening the door. I don’t think about the weird bloody, gory…stuff from a while ago. I don’t know where that came from. Jean smiles when he sees me. He waves at me with the swords. 

“Let’s get started, pretty boy.” He chirps and I follow him. I’m quiet the whole way, letting him talk. He turns to me and walks backwards, explaining me something about the swords and techniques, but as much as I want to listen to him, I can’t. I can’t understand what he’s saying, his words are avoiding me, floating around my ears, but not entering my head. He’s waving the swords around as he talks, I bet he doesn’t realize that. He’s completely lost in his speech. I like to watch people talk about the things they love. Even the quietest ones suddenly have a lot to say, they don’t hesitate to share every detail, because it is so important to them. I watch the way he moves, the way his lips quirk to side when he’s thinking or how he occasionally taps the grip of the training sword. My eyes fall on his feet, wondering if he won’t trip, as he’s walking backwards. 

“Are you listening to me?” He asks. I raise my head and look him in the eyes. 

“I…I’m trying to.” I stutter out honestly. He bites his lip. 

“Sorry, I got a little carried away. Probably rambled a lot. Next time I’ll be more careful.” He promises me. 

“No, no, no, that’s not what I meant! I liked your talking just…it’s hard for me to focus right now.” I say and look at him. I didn’t want to make him upset. 

“And why’s that?” He asks, fencing techniques suddenly forgotten, concern clearly showing on his face. 

“I’m…I’m still a bit shaken from the morning and…uh…I can’t think of much else than that.” He nods in understanding and then spreads his hands.

“Need another hug?” He asks and I look at him, considering his offer. There’s no one around us, he led me to the grassland where we ended up yesterday. The green patch is empty, not even the horses are out. It’s just us. 

“I-I guess.” I mutter and place myself in his arms. At first he’s a bit surprised, I guess I have left him waiting for a bit too long, but then he relaxes and holds me. I release a shaky breath and try to maintain my composure. Today didn’t really start the way I wanted it to. 

“We can settle for something different, if you don’t feel like training.” Jean says in a low calming voice. I shake my head and let go of him. 

“No, I promised you.” He grins at me. 

“It’s not about me, I don’t need the training, It’s for you.” I manage to smile back at him. 

“But you have to admit that you’ve been looking forward to it.” He hesitates for a while. 

“I was looking forward to kicking that elvish butt.” 

“We’ll see about that.” His eyes light up slightly. 

“Will we, then?” 

“Yes. I need to take my mind of all..that.” I gesture vaguely around my head and Jean nods. He throws one of the training swords at me and I catch it in the last second. 

“Judging by the way you swung around the spoon, you know how to hold a sword, so there’s no need to explain you that. Also, you’ve got a pretty good base going, we don’t need any strength exercises. So…protect yourself.” He says and I swear I saw his eyes flash red upon saying that. 

“Wait, no..” I yelp bet he’s already charging at me. I squeak and curl away from him, sword hanging limply from my hand. I wait for the blade to hit me, but there’s no such sensation. He backs away and laughs.

“If this was a real fight, you’d be dead by now. You’re supposed to counterattack not…squirm away.” I stretch my coiled body and look at him in embarrassment. 

“I know… I just need a bit of warning before you jump at me. Besides, I have to put this away.”  I say and begin pull the headscarf off. It would most certainly fall from my head while training. I throw it few feet from us and it lands on the soft grass. 

“Allright, next time we stumble upon some outlaws I’ll tell them to wait for you to get ready.” Jean says with a big grin. I roll my eyes on him, lower my body and stand a bit winder than usual. I raise the sword and look straight at him. His toothy grin reduces into a challenging, almost seductive one. Wait…what? There’s no time for me to think more about it because Jean is attacking again. This time I’m able to block his blade with mine. 

“That’s what I’m talking about.” He purrs and it sends chills down my spine. Nice chills, I have to say. He draws his sword away and charges again. He doesn’t move much around me, nor does he strike complicated combinations of thrusts. He’s testing me, curious of what I’m capable of. My eyes are on his face, then his hands, paying attention on what he’s doing, trying to guess his next move. He gives me enough time to do that and doesn’t hit me once. Then he starts to move around and makes it harder. His thrusts are faster, more powerful and harder to deflect. I’m breathing a bit faster now, nervous about what will happen next. We fight. It’s a cycle of us approaching, clashing the swords together and then jumping away to the safe distance. He has aimed at nearly every part of my body, not only at my chest, like he did in the beginning. So far he didn’t hit me, not even once. I was able to avoid every swing of his blade but I have a feeling it won’t last long.  And indeed he experiments even more. His charges are now double or triple, he doesn’t back away, doesn’t leave enough space for me to calmly predict what he’s about to do. He’s one step away from me, amused smile on his face and his sword swinging dangerously around me. I block them just by intuition and I’m quite surprised how good I am. Beginner’s luck, I guess. The wooden blades are hitting against each other, sending vibrations to my hands each time it happens. Hot thrill spreads through my body and fuels my brain. I feel a grin approaching, I pick up my pace and charge at Jean for the first time. I can see he’s taken aback, he probably thought our first lesson would be just me defending myself. Well, he was wrong then. My sword misses, of course and we smile at each other. My heart thumping against my ribs, my breathing is fast and it makes my head pleasantly light. We’re much faster than when we began and Jean is clearly enjoying himself. He hits me from time to time, never stopping to say sorry. I don’t mind. It would ruin the mood, the trance we’re in. Sweat is trickling down his forehead and each time he tries to wipe it off I charge at him. I have to admit I didn’t think it would be this much fun. I can hear his breathing is a bit faster, but not as fast as mine. He’s in better shape than I am, I presume. I take a large step and swing the sword across his chest and he blocks it with a quick flick of his hand. The motion continues and my waist takes the hit. 

“Keep covering yourself!” He instructs me but doesn’t wait for another attack. He aims at my head and I dive to the side. He chases after me. Be quick Marco, pay attention all the time. I’m focused, fully concentrated. Jean’s attacks are harder and harder and when he sees I’m not able to dodge them he doesn’t force himself on me, no. He reduces his attacks, keeps it on the hardest level I’m able to fight at. It’s tiring, really. I feel my body getting hotter and hotter but I don’t have time to cool myself down. I’m sweating profusely, but it all gets evaporated in small clouds of steam. I can tell the exact moment when Jean sees them, his eyes leave my body and follow the steam. It’s the first time his concentration falters and I’m able to hit him in his ribs with my full force. It thuds hollowly and I get scared. I expected him to dodge the strike. He bends over and coughs. 

“Jean! I didn’t mean to, I though you’d deflect it!” I reach for him carefully. He coughs again and then looks at me with a tight smile. 

“No, It’s fine, really. I shouldn’t have gotten distracted. See, staying focused is a big-nghhh-thing in every fight.” He breathes heavily and then stands up straight. He heaves out a sigh and looks at me. 

“Are you allright?” I ask, worried. 

“Please, do I look like I’m made of glass? I’ll be fine.” He says, but then lifts the hem of his shirt. He exposes his stomach all the way up to his pectorals. I can see a big red spot on the place where I’ve hit him. 

“Man, you’re strong! I didn’t think you’d have this much power.” He exclaims and makes me feel even more guilty. 

“I’m sorryyy.” I drag and cover my face in shame. 

“I told you already, don’t be. It’s fine.” He says and spends a little more time with looking at the forming bruise. My eyes trail off the red splotch and inspect the rest of his exposed body from pure curiosity. He’s not as skinny as I thought. His stomach looks quite firm, toned with stringy muscles, a result of hard army training. There are few birthmarks scattered on his skin and I’m able to see a slight blue outline of his abdominal veins. My gaze goes up and down, looking absently at his light stretched skin. It’s a nice view. He suddenly releases his shirt and it covers his skin. My gaze snaps up at him and he’s looking at me, eyebrows raised. 

“What?” I breathe out. He smiles slightly, nonchalantly. 

“You were staring.” He says and I feel myself heating up. 

“N-no. I wasn’t” I totally was. He caught me and he knows that. He keeps smiling. 

“Sure.” 

“Maybe a little.” 

“Just a little bit.” He teases. I huff and grip my sword more tightly. He just keeps smiling, sword lowered. He’s waiting for me to confess. 

“Fine, I was staring.” I say and another cloud of steam leaves my body. Jean jolts and watches it dissolve into the air. 

“Man, what is that? Steam?” He asks, confused. 

“Yeah, it’s –uh– it’s the sweat evaporating.” 

“How is that possible? Is it because you are a firebender?” 

“Yes. It happens when my skin gets too hot.” His eyebrows go high and he takes a step towards me, entering my personal space. His hand is stretched, heading for my forehead and just about to touch me. I duck away. 

“No, don’t touch me!” I yelp and he takes his hand away abruptly. He looks shocked, even saddened by my response. 

“You’ll burn yourself.” I add and I can see the relief on his face. 

“Oh, good. I thought it was more like a ‘don’t touch me with your filthy human hands’ don’t touch me.” He says. I smile softly at him. 

“After all those hugs? You know I’d never say that.” He smiles back. 

“True…Can I just,” he stretches his hand towards my forehead again, “don’t worry, I’ll stop above your skin.” He says quietly and his fingertips hover less than an inch from my face. This time I don’t duck. He feels the heat with his palms, awe reflecting clearly on his face. 

“Woah…It’s like I was standing next to a fireplace.” His gaze flicks from his hand to my face. “That’s awesome.” He breathes, holding my gaze. I chuckle and feel a slight pleasant tingling in my chest. I’m really starting to like his approach to my firebending skills. He gets excited over everything, honestly admires it. He doesn’t think of me as of a freak. That helps me a lot. It gives me hope, a feeling that I belong here, with them. With him. 

“So awesome.. “ He whispers once more and then slowly draws his hand away. He takes a step back, leaves my personal space and raises his sword slightly. 

“Do you want to continue?” He asks.

“Sure.” I answer and raise my sword too. This time I’m a bit more careful around him. I don’t want to hurt him again. But Jean dares me, prods around me, and tries to provoke me. I can see he liked it more when I wasn’t holding back. At first I tried to resist but then I gave in. After my first strike a big grin spreads on his face and we keep fighting. I don’t know how much time passes, I’m not counting it down. Sun travels across the sky and soon we can hear a bell ringing. We slowly lower the swords. 

“It’s that time already?” I wonder, marveling at the fact that it is lunchtime. Jean shrugs. 

“Guess so.” He wipes the sweat from his forehead and huffs. 

“Tired?” I ask and he shakes his head. 

“Me? Nah. But it was a good fight. I had fun.” I’m really glad to hear that from him. I retrieve my scarf from the ground and put the sword between my knees to hold it while I put the scarf on. 

“I can hold it for you.” Jean says and reaches for the sword. I nod and he takes it away. He starts to wave them around quickly, just passing the time until I’m ready to go. I glance at him from time to time, observing the way he moves. It’s amazing. The blades are swung around so fast they look like brown smudged circles. 

“Is that the technique you studied?” I ask when I’m done. He twirls the swords around for the last time and then takes them both in one hand. 

“Yep. But my swords are different, shorter and heavier. The balance feels odd now. I can’t reach the full speed. But eh, I don’t need it now.” He says and we head off towards the dining hall. We don’t speak much until we’re halfway there. I hear Jean muttering something. I stop and turn to him. 

“What was that?” I ask. He stops too. 

“Nothing, just…there’s something on my hand.” He says with a frown and inspects his left hand. I shuffle closer to him and look at his palm. It’s covered in black dust. I raise my eyebrow at it. Interesting… 

“I don’t know, maybe you touched something?” I guess and he shrugs. He then takes a look at the swords in his other hand. He scoffs. 

“I touched this.” He says and shows me one of the swords. The grip is black instead of the usual wooden brown. I bite my lip. I’m sure that’s my sword and I know exactly why the grip is black. But Jean doesn’t. 

“I wonder what I stuck it into,” he mutters and brings the grip to his face, “no, wait…It’s…burned?” He says and inspects my black palmprint on the wood. When he looks at me I avert my gaze shyly. 

“I-I told you I tend to get too hot.” I say. His eyes flick from me to the sword several times and then he speaks up. 

“I know…I just didn’t know you’d get this hot. Like burn-the-wood hot.” He says and I give him an awkward half- smile. What am I supposed to say? 

“Well, I can’t control it very much. I really have to focus if I want to cool down and I didn’t have time for that while we were fighting. I didn’t mean to ruin it.” He waves his hand at me. 

“Nah, you didn’t ruin it, give me five minutes with a sandpaper and it’ll be good as new. But next time we’re fighting we should have more breaks, so you don’t start straight out burning. That’s possible, right?” 

“Well, it has never happened to me before, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility.” I say quietly, surprised how seriously Jean has taken it and how he wasn’t angry at me for burning the sword. We resume walking and he’s still inspecting the scalded grip. 

“Why don’t your clothes burn when you get this hot?” He asks me when we’re on sight from the dining hall. There are groups of trainees entering, so I lower my voice just for him to hear it. He walks closer to me, pushes his shoulder against mine and leans in to hear me better. It takes my breath away for a split second. He always stupefies me with how much he doesn’t care about personal space. 

“They can burn, it already happened a few times.” I confess. He looks me in the eye and when he sees I’m serious he chuckles. 

“It doesn’t happen very often, because my body doesn’t heat up evenly. My face is  first, then my feet and then hands. That’s usually the point when I’m able to cool down, but if I don’t and let my chest get hot, my clothes get burned.” I explain and Jean absorbs the information. 

“Amazing...” He muses and I smile lightly. We walk into the dining hall and look around for some familiar faces. 

“There he is.” Jean pokes me with his elbow and points at one of the tables. We can see Reiner’s big frame huddled behind a small table. Annie is sitting next to him and I can see they’re talking. Jean waves at them and Reiner waves back. Annie greets us with a nod. Jean takes me by my arm and we walk towards the little window in the wall, behind which a cook is giving out the lunch. A long queue has formed in front of it and Jean’s dragging me towards the front in attempt to get ahead of all the trainees. I look at their tired sweaty faces. I don’t feel good about that. I stop and Jean looks back at me. 

“What’s the matter?” He asks. 

“Let’s stand in the queue.” I say quietly and Jean can’t hide his surprise. 

“Why should we? Nothing’s gonna happen if we go forward.” I take another look at the trainees. 

“Yes but…it’s not fair. They’ve been training the whole morning. Look how tired they are.” He shrugs. 

“We are too.” 

“You said you weren’t. Besides, didn’t things like this make you angry when you were a trainee? Older people with higher ranks taking advantage of their position?” I ask. His grip on my bicep loosens a bit and he runs his thumb up and down as he thinks. 

“Well-“ He starts, a bit of red dusting his cheeks. 

“You can go if you want. But I’m standing in the line.” I say and take a first step towards the end of the queue. Jean lets go of my arm and stands there, staring at me. Only when I take my place at the queue he comes trotting to me. I smile behind the headscarf. He makes a face at me. 

“Satisfied?” He grumbles and my smile widens. I look at him and the deep scowl on his face relaxes a bit. 

“Absolutely.” I chirp.

 

* * *

 

 

We are halfway through the meal when Armin joins us. He slumps down on the chair and ties his hair into a shaggy ponytail. He heaves a deep sigh and glares at his portion. 

“What’s the matter?” Reiner asks after swallowing a chunk of meat that he took from my plate. I don’t want to eat it. Armin rubs his face and then sets his hands on the table. 

“Ahh, it’s the garrison directory. I’ve been there just now to ask about the supplies and budget for our journey and they refused to give me anything." 

“What?!” Annie snaps. 

“Bullshit, they can’t do that.” Jean opposes, but Armin just shakes his head. 

“I’m afraid they can. The commander told me we have to give him an application for ressuplement, we can’t just take whatever we want. Then he’ll have a week to think it over and then he’ll release a statement.” 

“Why can’t we just go to the supply storage and order the guards to get us what we want? We’re all of higher ranks then they are.” Reiner asks and Armin just sighs. 

“I did that in first place. They said they only take written orders from the commander. I tried everything, I even tried to pull off that Triring trick, but the answer was still the same, they only obey the commander.” 

“So…what do we do now?” Reiner asks and Armin shrugs lightly. 

“I have to write the application down and hand it to the commander. Make it look as good as possible so he doesn’t deny it…so…a lot of paperwork for me! Yay.” He says dryly and dips the spoon into his lunch. 

“Do you need any help with it?” I ask and a tired smile appears on Armin’s face. 

“Oh, no, don’t bother. The administrative system is…crazy, you’d all lose your minds after the third paper.” 

“Third? How many papers are there, Armin?” Jean asks in disbelief. Armin leans back on the chair and starts counting them. 

“There’s the official part, where I state what I want and why do I want it, then there’s a page with our names, levels of education, then we need someone to confirm our identities, so the commander knows we’re not imposters, I think Shadis could do that, since he’s the only one who knows us here and then….there’s a part with details. I have to write down literally everything, so the commander is fully informed of our journey and answer all the questions he might want to ask.” 

“Holy mother of Sina…” Reiner rubs his forehead. Jean throws the spoon into the bowl in annoyance. 

“Why  do we even try to get high ranks?! When we really need something a dickbag like this shows up and stands in our way.” 

“Keep it down, Jean, someone might hear you!” Armin scolds him and Jean just huffs, “besides, he wasn’t that bad. He seems like a reasonable man to me, I’m sure we’ll get the answer right away.” 

“Sure.” Jean mutters. We finish the lunch and carry our dishes to another window, where a cook is collecting and washing them. Upon leaving the dining hall Armin turns to Annie. 

“Oh, I nearly forgot. The commander is calling you to his office” Annie stops and looks at Armin in disbelief. She seems genuinely surprised. 

“Me? But why? He doesn’t even know me.” Armin shrugs. 

“He didn’t say anything, he just told me to call you.” 

“…oh” 

“Do you want me to go with you?” Armin offers and Annie nods. They walk away, saying a short goodbye. Jean, Reiner and I stop in front of the dining hall, letting the warm afternoon sun warm us. Reiner yawns widely and stretches his back. 

“You are tired already?” Jean asks and Reiner just shrugs. 

“Yeah. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” He mutters, kneading his face with his large hands.

“I’m sure he’s just getting old.” Jean whispers to me and I chuckle. Reiner straightens up and glares at us. 

“I wouldn’t laugh if I were you.” I stop immediately, taken aback by Reiner’s grumpy response. Was I not supposed to laugh? Did I hurt or offend him? 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be rude.” I stutter, eyeing the ground. 

“You weren’t,” Jean says and takes a step towards Reiner, “what’s up with you? He was just laughing.”

“Well, ask him! He’s the one who was kept me awake with his endless grunting and pacing around the room.” 

“…what?” I utter. 

“Yeah, exactly. You woke me up in the middle of the night, sitting on my bed and staring right at me. I nearly got a heart attack! And then you started marching around the room, I remember it all, so don’t act all innocent.” He hisses and the vileness of his word hurts me. I would never do anything like that on purpose. Moreover, I don’t remember anything from the night. My knees go weak. It must’ve been the Dragon. So he was using me. I swallow hardly and have fight the urge to sit down. 

“I…I’m not acting innocent, I don’t remember doing those things to you Reiner. I just know that I went to sleep and then I woke up, I don’t remember anything in between.” I exclaim, maybe voice quivering a bit more than I’d like it to. Reiner’s eyes are wide and he takes a step back. 

“Okay, okay, geez. Cool down. S- so you don’t remember anything?” 

“No.”  

“B-but I know you were there, it couldn’t have been a dream.” He defends himself. I don’t want him to continue. I want him to let it be, to stop prodding around. Now I’m sure the dragon used me as a meatsuit last night, I don’t need to know all the details. I don’t want to think about it. 

“Oh God…” Reiner stutters out and my gaze snaps at him. All color has drained from him. “Oh God, tell me you weren’t sleepwalking.” He says tightly and it fuels the confusion in me. 

“What’s wrong with sleepwalking?” Jean asks, equally confused. Reiner swallows and takes a deep breath. His gaze is avoiding my face. 

“I-Jean, can I talk to you in privacy please?” Reiner demands weakly. 

“What? Why?” 

“Well, because. I want to talk to you only.” He’s so strange. Jean raises his eyebrow and turns to me. 

“What the hell Reiner, just spill it out, what’s wrong with you?” 

“I don’t-“ Reiner falls silent and Jean huffs in annoyance. Reiner grabs Jean, pulls him close and whispers something in his ear. They both look at me. I can feel myself getting hot. This is very uncomfortable. 

“What?” I ask, irritated. They look at each other and Jean pushes him away. 

“For fuck’s sake Reiner, cut it out.” Jean shakes his head and starts to walk away. I’m clueless as ever. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t consider it!” Reiner yells after him and Jean picks up the pace. Reiner starts to walk in the opposite direction. I’m left in the middle. 

“What did just happen?”I mutter. Both of them are swiftly walking away. At least they didn’t actually hit each other, I think as I catch up to Jean. I follow him all the way to the lake, giving him some time to cool off. He starts to throw white pebbles into the water with all his might. I’m sitting next to him, looking at his frowning face, observing the way he leans his whole body back to cumulate as much force as possible. Then he swings forward and the stone hits the water with a loud splash. I’m thinking of what to tell him. How can I help him blow some steam off? 

“Should I leave you alone?” I ask quietly. He’s about to throw another stone away, but he changes his mind in the last moment. He keeps it in his hand, playing with it with his long fingers. 

“No.” He says and shakes his head lightly. The silence drags for a little more, but then he starts to talk. 

“You know, sometimes I forget how much of an idiot he is,” he spits and kicks the pebbled bank, “that fucker’s almost twenty now and he still believes those…goddamn bedtime stories!” 

“Like the titans?” I peep and he throws his hands into the air. 

“Exactly! And that’s only kicking off the list, Marco! Titans, Cradlesnatchers, Goblins, Banshees, whichever you think of he’ll tell you it’s real and it’s so…obnoxious!” 

“So what was it now?” I ask calmly. Personally, I don’t see much of a problem in Reiner being superstitious. 

“He believes you are possessed by a malevolent spirit because you were sleepwalking.” He says while pacing around. I lean back and stare at the water. 

“Well, he isn’t far from truth.” I mutter and Jean stops on the spot. Shit. D-did he hear me? He turns to me. 

“Don’t tell me you believe in that shit too.” He says dryly and we look at each other. What do I do? I didn’t want him to hear that. Why, why did I say it out loud? I can’t tell him: ‘Oh nothing honey, I didn’t mean it, forget it’. It was too serious, too truthful. 

“I-I…” I stutter and Jean sits next to me, looking at me half angrily, half curiously. He looks quite intimidating. He probably doesn’t realize that. But he wants to know. Even though he told me a few times already, that if I don’t feel like telling him something, I don’t have to. This time I don’t feel like I have a choice. And he deserves the truth. 

“There’s this thing-“ I start and my voice shakes. I’m so not ready for this. I didn’t think I would be spilling the truth so early. Jean’s face softens a bit and it helps me. I pull the headscarf down, it feels more personal without it.

 **‘Do not even consider telling him.’**  I jolt and my throat dries in a blink. Jean gives me a strange look. 

‘I want him to know’ I answer the Dragon reluctantly. 

 **‘I will hold you back if you continue.’** He warns me and my heart clenches. I realize I’ve gone silent for an uncomfortably long while, so I resume talking. The first words come out, but then I feel tightness growing around my throat. My voice shrinks into a whisper and then disappears. My heart is racing and my breathing is panicked and wheezy. Jean is also panicking, looking at me in utter confusion and fear. 

**‘No, you will not tell him. Do you think he would lead you to me if he found out about us? He does not care about you, you are his job, and he does not need to know a thing about you.’**

‘Let me speak!’ I demand, but the grip on my throat strengthens, almost choking me. Jean leans to me and grips my arms, calling my name. I’m not looking at him, I’m just focusing on what is happening inside my head. 

 **‘I will not. You will not tell, not him, not any human.’** Breathing is almost impossible and I’m starting to tear up. I want to scream, to shut the Dragon away from my head, but he’s too powerful. I have no control over my voice, I feel numb and betrayed. Finally I persuaded myself to tell the truth, Jean is willing to hear it but not a single word leaves my mouth. 

‘He deserves to know!’ I holler at him. My vision is starting to blur from the lack of air. 

 **‘He does not deserve a thing. You are not his friend, you are his job, he does not care about you. Can’t you see it?’** This time Jean’s grip tightens and I’m able to focus at him. 

“No, Marco, calm down! He’s lying!” 

All three of us freeze for a while. The grip on my throat loosens immediately and I break into a coughing fit. Jean is still holding me, looking at me with concern. When I’m finally able to breathe somewhat normally I look at his worried face in disbelief. 

“What did you say?” I breathe out. Even the Dragon is waiting for Jean to respond. Jean takes a breath, softly moves his hands from my arms to my cheeks and holds me firmly. 

“I-I can hear him. The other voice in your head. And he’s a liar.” He says, his voice filled with sincerity and residual panic. The Dragon is getting angry at what Jean’s saying, but I’m able to push him away a bit, so it doesn’t affect me that much. I feel an enormous weight drop from me, my insides are raw and exposed, like a nerve. But it feels so good, so liberating. I exhale shakily little tears roll down my cheeks. They don’t evaporate this time. 

“But how?” I whisper. 

“I’ll tell you, I promise, but now listen to me, please!” He licks his lips quickly, “I- I care about you! Don’t let him tell you otherwise. You are not a job for me.” He says and a broken smile appears on my face. I cover his palms with mine and hold them in place. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs. 

“You are not alone.” He whispers.  My heart aches and I collapse onto his chest, burying my face into his shirt. His hands are on my back, keeping me in place and showing me, that I’m welcome there. 

“I can hear almost everything.” He says quietly after a while. I raise my head to look at him. He’s deep in his thoughts, watching the water surface absently. His hands start to move on my back, caressing me lightly. 

“You see… everything has a mind of its own. Humans, animals, even some trees are able to perceive things happening around them. They live from day to day, always thinking, calculating, trying to survive for as long as possible. And the way they think…they let it all out into the world around them, they scream their thoughts and…and experiences into the air blatantly, completely unaware of it. They don’t know that their thoughts are leaving their minds. It’s like a constant flow of words, feelings and emotions and you are in the middle of it, utterly confused, drowning in the wild vortex of information. I can hear it all, Marco. I can hear it and it drives me fucking nuts.” He hisses through his teeth, bitterness and anger showing clearly on his face. I stay still in his arms, listening to what he has to say.

“It’s never quiet. There’s always something, some tiny creature that is breaking the silence. It took me a really long time to learn how to filter it. To have at least a bit of peace. You have no idea how loud it can get, how distracting it is.” 

“I think I can relate.” I mutter and squeeze his sides a bit. He exhales and puts his chin on the crook of my neck, holding me closer. I can feel his chest trembling. I look at his face and notice little tears in his eyes. He must have read shock on my face, because he wipes them away immediately. 

“D- don’t mind those it’s just…It feels so good to finally tell someone.” He says with a rough, emotional voice. 

I just smile at him warmly and we let go of each other. We lie down side by side on the white pebbles of the lake shore. His hands are behind his head and he’s looking at the sky above us. I look at him for a while and then decide to speak. 

“Can you hear anything right now?” I ask quietly. 

“Sure.” 

“ And what is it?” He takes a deep breath and thinks for a while. 

“There are some fish inside the lake…and some birds nesting in the nearby trees. There are ants, but they are everywhere. It doesn’t matter where I go, there are always ants around. My, how I hate them.” 

“Why ants in particular?” 

“There’s always so many of them and…I don’t know, they are always so desperate, so afraid. I can’t hear any words from them, it’s just the feelings. A shadow passes by and they all get so scared, all of them at the same time. They are so fragile, so helpless.  That’s why I never focus on listening to them only. I try to keep them just as a background noise along with other insects.” 

“How do you manage to do that? To keep their thoughts away from you?” He looks at me with a sad smile. 

“That’s a hard question. Deep breathing and focusing on some other voice I guess? Horses usually help. They understand a lot.” I nod and look up at the sky. I hoped Jean could teach me how to keep the dragon low, but I don’t see that as an option. I can’t ignore something that powerful and demanding. 

“And also there’s him.” 

“Who?” 

“That voice which is with you. I can hear him too from time to time.” 

“…Oh, right.” I croak. I can feel Dragon’s presence in my head, I know he’s listening to Jean. He’s gone quiet now, but his quiet anger is leaking into my mind. Deep breaths, Marco, just as Jean said. Maybe it’ll help. Jean turns to me and lies on his side. 

“He’s the big secret, isn’t he?” I nod carefully, still inspecting my insides and watching the Dragon.

“What is he? His mind feels like a mind of a big animal, he’s the most intelligent one I’ve ever heard, but…” 

“But?” 

“He’s nowhere to be seen.” Jean laughs in disbelief. “It just doesn’t make sense to me. Where is he? What is he?” I look at Jean and swallow. I turn my attention to the Dragon, waiting if he has something to say. 

**‘I do not want you to talk about me.’**

‘But what am I supposed to tell him?’ I ask. The Dragon scoffs and I do the same thing involuntarily.

 **‘Tell him nothing. That is my final word. If you will not go by it, I will hold you back again, Marcuilion.’** Shivers run down my spine and I touch my neck, just to make sure I’m still breathing. Jean tilts his head. 

“He said something, didn’t he?” He asks. I frown. 

“You didn’t hear him?” 

“No, I didn’t. I hear him every time he speaks to you, but it’s unclear for me, like he was speaking through a thick wall. But I can hear him quite clearly when he is angry.” 

“Oh.” 

“I’ve noticed that…the more intelligent the animal is, the harder it is for me to hear it’s thoughts. That’s why I can’t hear people, for example. Or crows, the mysterious little fuckers.  Only when they are angry, or feel other kind of affect. But anyway, what did he say? You don’t seem very happy about it.” 

“You’re right, I’m not.” I answer. “He…he told me I couldn’t talk to you about him. That he would start choking me if I did.” I say and my voice quivers a bit. Jean’s mouth forms a thin line and he looks away. 

“I’m sorry.” I whisper. I didn’t want to disappoint him. He turns to me with a softer expression. 

“No, no, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. I’m just mad at the…whatever he is. I don’t like the way he’s treating you.” I have to hold back, else I would growl along with the dragon.

 **‘Who is he, that he thinks he can speak against me?’** He rumbles annoyedly. **‘I am treating you just right.’** I scoff. Jean cocks his eyebrow. 

“He thinks the exact opposite.” I say dryly and the Dragon jabs me. 

 **‘Do not question my actions. I am acting rationally, your actions are misguided by your affects.’**  I sigh, stop answering him and turn my attention to Jean. 

“Don’t worry. It’s easy to get used to.” I say, He eyes me warily, but doesn’t say anything. We stay quiet for a while, Jean stacks the pebbles into a fragile tower that topples over from time to time. It’s nice to watch, it calms me. 

“So how do I persuade Reiner that I am not possessed by a malevolent spirit? I don’t want him to be afraid of me.” I say and Jean rolls his eyes. He probably forgot how mad he was at Reiner. He is picking the right pebbles for his new stone tower, eyes fixed on the task. 

“Rub some salt with lavender on your skin. Spirits are said to be afraid of those two, it burns them. That will do it, I guess.”

 

* * *

 

 

The meadow was within a walking distance from the garrison. We went out through one of the gates, told our names to the guards, who wrote them down into a thick book and headed out. Jean led me to a small group of trees, where a rather big unkempt patch of grass and wild flowers was. He said that if there was any lavender near, it had to be here.

“How are you so sure? You have never been here before.” He rubs the back of his neck shyly. 

“I…I asked a few birds before we left off.” He says and I stop in my tracks. 

“What?” He asks with a dry, uncertain voice. 

“That’s so awesome!” I say in awe. He smiles at me widely and puts an arm around my shoulders. We resume walking, hip to hip and completely in sync. The sun is slowly getting low, our shadows begin to grow and the meadow in front of us is buzzing with life.  

“I thought you could just hear the animals, not actually talk to them like that.” I say, nicely surprised. 

“No, we can talk just fine. Of course, I have to adjust my way of speech to the animal I’m talking to. Little birds wouldn’t understand long sentences, but they are surprisingly smart. They always know their surroundings like the back of their hand, when looking for directions, I always ask them.” 

“Awesome.” I whisper once more and Jean squeezes my shoulders with his arm. We grin at each other and he gestures at the meadow with his free hand. 

“Here. Take whatever you want, whatever you need. You know a lot of these plants, don’t you?” I scan the meadow and nod. 

“Yes, but not all them are used for healing. Sambucus, for example, which is over there, is great against fevers.” I say as I point towards the tall, currently blooming bushes on the other side of the meadow. He lets go of me and I walk into the tall grass. 

“Or symphytum, here, for healing broken bones, wild thyme against inflammation of airways…And I’m sure you know this.” I smile and take a tall flower in my hand and caress the fragile white flowers. 

“Yarrow!” Jean exclaims with a wide smile, “You remembered.” He walks close to me and touches the flower I’m holding. Our fingers brush and I feel the fire in my cheeks. 

“Feels like home.” He mutters lowly and runs his thumb over the tiny petals. We look at each other with gentle smiles. There is something in his eyes that is reaching for me, some kind of tenderness or…hope? It warms my heart in a beautiful way. My breathing feels uncoordinated and too loud. The noises I make while breathing are almost a nuisance to quiet moment. Maybe…maybe too quiet, when I come to think of it. Silent, even. As pleasant as it is, I have to break the eye contact and look around us. I swallow hardly and let eeriness chase away the warmth that was in me. The meadow, which was filled with buzzing, crawling of tiny feet and chirping is now quiet as a grave. Not even the wind is blowing. I look at Jean for explanations. He seems to have noticed it as well. 

“What is happening? Why is it so quiet all of a sudden?” Jean looks around us and then at me. 

“They are all hidden.”

“The animals?” 

“Yeah.” 

“But why?” 

“They are frightened.” He winces in discomfort. There must be a lot of voices talking at once. 

“ Of what? Is something coming? Should we head back?” I ask and my heart picks up the pace. I immediately remember what Reiner told me about the Titans. Were they coming out at night? Or were they only in forests? I can’t remember exactly. Jean puts his fingers on his temples and breathes deeply. 

“Fire. They are all thinking of fire,” he says, “I don’t understand, there’s no wildfire around, they would’ve been running, not hiding if there was some.” He looks around us, looking for the crimson flames, but his eyes settle on me instead. He doesn’t need much time to think to figure out the whole meadow is afraid of me. Or what’s inside me, hidden deep in my mind. 

“Oh.” He says and my shoulders fall low. I feel terrible guilt. For the first time I feel like a bad person. A horrible, demonic one. It makes me think of the inevitable future. It will all be like this, won’t it? Me, a walking death strolling around and spreading fear everywhere. There’s only darkness when I look that way, to the future days. Is this really what our nation needs? A murderer? It must be, else there wouldn’t be such a deal between the elves and the dragons. This world must be a really cruel place when bloodshed is the best solution to our problems. I suddenly feel thin fingers brushing against mine as Jean takes my hand into his. 

“Let’s just find the lavender and get out of this place.” He says softly and squeezes my hand. I nod and we walk together through the tall grass. All the hotness that was in my body has retreated into my chest, that’s why I’m able to feel how warm Jean’s hand is.

When I look inside myself I realize, that the future is not all dark. Among the darkness covering my upcoming days is a bright point, like the Polaris on the night sky. There’s Jean and I’m drawn to him like a moth is drawn to the light. It may all be inside my head, I might be giving myself false hopes, but only looking at him puts me at ease. Calms me down. 

I’ll pull through as long as he’s with me.

 

* * *

 

Reiner pulls me into a bone crushing hug when I show him I’m not possessed. He even lifts me from the ground and lets the big grains of salt fall to the wooden floor of our room. Armin, of course, rises immediately from his bed and hurries to us, trying to loosen Reiner’s grip, but shake my head as to say, that it is okay, that Reiner can hug me to his heart’s content. When he lets go of me he leaves his big hands on my shoulders and looks deep into my eyes. 

“I was really scared Marco. Spirits are a dangerous thing, we should take them seriously, “ he says and glances at Jean. I don’t have to look to know that Jean is holding back, trying not to snap at Reiner, “but if you ever feel like something is trying to take you over, just spit three times on the ground and say: ‘wherever you come from, whoever you are, you will never get to me. My eyes are a mirror, everything bad reflects from them.’ That will keep you protected.” He says with a heartfelt wink and I can’t be mad at him. It’s plain to see that he believes in every word he just said. 

“Thank you, I will remember that.” I say with a smile and sit down on my bed. It’s way past sunset and we are getting ready to sleep. I stretch my back and lie down. My back muscles aching after a whole day’s work and I quietly sigh in content. My mind feels heavy and clouded, I can’t really remember all the things that happened today. Not that I want to.

Suddenly our door opens and Annie walks in. We haven’t seen her since she went off to see the commander. She didn’t even join us on the dinner. Armin wanted to wait for her in our room , but we persuaded him to go with us. He would have waited a long time, considering she came back just now. She heads towards her bed, kneels down beside it and pulls her luggage out. 

“What took you so long?” Reiner asks curiously. 

“The commander needed my assistance.” She says dryly and begins to reorganize her stuff. Reiner stands up from the bed and walks closer to her. 

“Yeah, I know. But what did he want?” She doesn’t answer. Her face is blank, her hands are moving on their own, she seems quite absent. My eyebrows go higher and I exchange a confused glance with Jean. What’s the matter with her? I notice a shuffling on Armin’s bed as he adjusts his position to see Annie better. The room goes quiet, only Annie’s clothes are rustling. 

“Annie…” Armin starts, but he stops when she turns to him. Her face is soft, fragile even. The sincerity reflected on it surprises me. 

“Leave it be. Please.” She says. It takes him a while to process it, but he obeys. We look away from her, we leave her be. But I can’t get her off my mind. There was something in her eyes that wasn’t right. I wiggle a bit deeper under the quilt and sigh. I’m tired as all hells, this day was terribly demanding. I just want to go to sleep. I’m actually dozing off, even before the others are in bed, but I always wake up with a jerk. I’m feeling uneasy, my heart is beating hard and my palms are sweaty. The presence in my head is strengthening, I can feel the dragon lurking, waiting for me to fall asleep so he can take over. It makes my blood run cold. Reiner bids us good night and blows the candles off. I’m left in complete darkness, my eyelids are dropping, but I’m too afraid to fall asleep. Today the splinters in my feet were enough. A whiff of Dragon’s impatience enters my mind. Shivers run down my spine. He’s waiting, he knows that I won’t last much longer. 

‘Why do you want to take over so much?’ I ask him, maybe a bit too sharply. It doesn’t hide my fear, though. 

 **‘I want to get used to your body.’** He replies. What? What does he mean by that? 

‘Why would you want that?’ There is a long silence on the other side. 

 **‘I think it has many pros. It will take us less time to learn how to cooperate when we merge. Also, I can protect you.’**

‘What’s the point of that? I can protect myself. The humans are here to protect me.’ 

 **‘I am more efficient.’**

‘What makes you think that?’ 

 **‘I have greater power over your muscles. I am more aware of them than you are. They have great strength, if they contracted enough, they could even break your own bones, but your mind is stopping them. I can use them to their full potential.’** Now I have to admit that that could be a benefit. But still, the idea of me being unconscious while he’s pacing around in my body makes me nauseous. Discomfort builds up inside me and I let some of it slip to Dragon subconsciously. There’s confusion on his side. 

 **‘What is wrong with you?’** He asks in annoyance. That was the last drop. 

‘What is wrong with me? You should have asked for my permission! You don’t just snatch someone’s body from them, you don’t have the right to do it! Or at least told me what you were about to do, or be reachable in the morning! I woke up and I had to pull a dozen of splinters out of my feet because of you. Do you know how that felt? How many questions I had?’ 

 **‘But you figured it out in the end, so what is the problem?’**  

‘It doesn’t matter that I figured it out! I’m not your toy, or your property. You can’t just do what you want with me. Would you like it if I took your body from you and started to pace around your cave?’ 

 **‘Well, no, but these are completely different circumstances.’**

**‘** Bullshit!’ 

 **‘Watch your profanities.’** He growls lowly and my head vibrates from the sound of it. I throw my hands up in exasperation. There is a long silence on both sides. I don’t know what to say. Dragon is still waiting, but deeper inside my mind, I can’t reach him very well. I’m staring at the dark ceiling with my eyes widely open, thinking of what to do next. 

‘You are waiting for me to fall asleep, aren’t you?’ I ask him, not entirely sure if he heard me. 

 **‘Yes. I want to train some more.’**  He says after another while of silence. 

‘Train?’ 

‘ **Indeed. I need to improve balance and precision when I am in your body. It is harder to manipulate than mine, even though yours is much smaller.’** I nod. It doesn’t sound that horrible when he’s talking about it. 

‘And would you listen to me, if I asked you not to do some certain things?’ I can feel his confusion bordering with annoyance, but he gives in. 

 **‘What things?’**  

‘Well, for example, put some shoes on when you’re walking around. It makes it much easier. No splinters, no dirt, no pain.’ He takes a little while to process my advice. 

 **‘Fine, that seems reasonable. Even though your pain feels different than mine. Funnier.’** He says with a slight chuckle. Okay…That was not horrifying at all, what are you talking about? But the most important thing is that he’s actually listening to me, considering my advices. So I continue. I tell him all sorts of things and he listens with a bit of reluctance. I bet he doesn’t like being lectured. When I finish he rumbles with content. 

 **‘I am glad you have finally come to your senses and started to cooperate, Marcuilion.’** My lips form a thin line. That was not the kind of response I wanted. But anyway… 

‘Will you go by these advices?’ I peep. He thinks for a while. 

 **‘I guess I will. They do not seem futile.’** He says, but there is still something on his mind, some residual tension, I can feel it. I swallow. 

‘W-what are you thinking of?’ Why am I stuttering inside my own head? 

 **‘I am thinking of what you said to me. I did not think of my yesterday’s actions as of snatching and stealing your body. I was curious. My intentions were not harmful.’**

‘So you’re saying sorry?’

 **‘…Go to sleep Marcuilion.’** He says slowly. I grin and make myself more comfortable in the bed. He is a real mystery. At first he nearly chokes me and then he guilt trips himself. It makes me question his sincerity. I take a deep breath and feel the sleep approaching. It numbs my mind and my muscles relax. I’m just about to fall asleep, when I hear the familiar rumble inside my head. 

 **‘Can I?’** He asked for my consent? Whoa, that’s a big step forward. I shrug weakly. 

“Yes.” I mutter out loud and feel him pulling me out of my body. It’s still unpleasant, but this time I’m ready. I leave my body and calmly dissolve into the darkness. It is too late when I realize that I might have trusted him too easily.  


End file.
